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Feels like death.


Dayo008

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Hey there,

I joined this forum fews days after my mom died almost 4 months ago. But I stopped checking in because I felt I was better. I just noticed recently that I've been really numb and insensitive as a result of the shock all along. Now that the numbness is gone, I'm feeling every pain. It's so difficult, words can't explain. My Christian Faith stops me most times from contemplating suicide but the thoughts are always there. And to make matters worse, no one around understands. It's like you're always crying loudly in your head but still have to smile at people because they don't care anyway. It's an horrible way to live. Scared of sleeping at night and scared of waking up. Even while sleeping, the mystery continues with dreams and nightmares, then when I wake up, it's even worse. I hope this stage ends soon.. it's terrible. Thanks for your time. 

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Yeah, once the numbness wears off it gets kinda difficult. People do understand, they just don't know how to show they care. It's so difficult to find the right words or right actions when someone else is suffering. 

Things will get better. The pain will begin to fade. It takes time, but it will fade. 

We will be here with you,

ModKonnie

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Lottie_Lulu

I wouldn't say four months is very long, we had a neighbour who couldn't come to my Dad's funeral because her parents died five years ago and she still couldn't cope with funerals. The grief all comes in waves, in different forms, it's all OK it really is. You'll only know it's numbness when you come out of the other side. I guess the thing is to be good to yourself, and take your time. And know that everything you feel is OK. And don't feel that people will necessary understand or say the right thing, I was speaking to a friend today who completely 'got' the fact I feel horrific 2 months after my Dad died, whereas I sort of feel other people think it should all be OK now.

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I don't think 4 months is a long time! I lost my Dad very suddenly at a similar time to yourself and then my Nan 13 weeks later and I too have that numb feeling to everything at the moment. I don't feel able to connect with anyone anymore and just smile when I need to and get by each day. Do you have people to talk to? I have started looking at counselling so at least it's someone outside of the family.

It is a horrendous time I know. I'm glad you have got rid of those suicidal thoughts - I'm sure it's something you would regret and I'm sure you have people around you who love you. A few days after we lost Dad, I thought about it too but I have a wife and young daughter which turned my thinking around. Dad would be cross at me for thinking like that!

Sorry you have to go through this.

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Dayo...I'm sorry..... I know I've kind of bailed.... I just have been so lost with the chaos over my dad. 

I get what you're talking about. I'm feeling the same a lot of the time right now too. Mostly when I'm in the car or in bed at night. With the way my dad has abandoned me over the wedding and the new wife, I feel like I have lost them both.  Sometimes I feel like I'm grieving them both like they've both died....sometimes it's just the horrible things he said to me running through my head making me want to die.

 I had just started getting past the point you are at.... I was at almost 4 1/2 months when my dad pulled the crap about getting married on Mother's Day...remember?  I'm still really struggling. I know you follow me on Facebook, but that's me putting on a smile, pretending I'm fine for the world and my hubby and kids. I'm not as strong as I look on the outside. I feel horrible for not continuing to keep up, but I've been a wreck. So I get it. People pretend that they care, but they think you should be over it by now.... And they totally don't get where I am about my dad. Even a few of my closest friends have asked me not to make them take sides.....so I can't even share with them how I feel.  I miss my mom and my dad so much.....and the littlest things hurt....seeing Facebook posts, watching a little girl playing with her daddy....seeing a mom and daughter out for lunch or shopping.   Even hearing my one friend complain about her struggles with her mom and the challenges they have in their relationship! I know it's just been over six months.....but the world (and obviously my dad) think I should be completely over it at this point. 

Just know you're in my thoughts....I just haven't had any hope or encouragement for you.... I didn't have any for me even.  I'm just hoping we both manage to survive this.....Marianne 

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