Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Memory problems after loss of husband and mother


Patti Boeck

Recommended Posts

  • Members
Patti Boeck

My mother died in May and my husband died in October. Their deaths put me into a deep state of grief combined with severe memory problems, e.i., widow's fog. My memory is improving somewhat, but driving anywhere is very stressful. I feel as if I am in some alternate universe. Familiar buildings and street signs now seem to be foreign structures that I may have seen before, but that appear odd somehow. I can read just fine, can type emails, can navigate traffic just fine, but something is my brain seems "off center." I moved in with family, so thankfully I don't have to live alone. I just wonder how long I'll feel trapped in this cage. Has anybody else experienced something like this? If so, did it finally resolve? If so, how long did it take?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hello Patti. I lost my husband in 2009, and went through the very similar disorientation that you are dealing with now. "Off centre" describes it very well. Don't despair - many of my widowed friends have gone through this too. In my case it took about 18 months to reset my gyroscope, as it were. I got some counselling and at the time I did not think it was helpful, but eventually I think it was that counselling that finally took hold and got me back on track. I am glad you are with some family, as that certainly helped me. My sense of it is, now that I am over it, was that it was it was that feeling of despair and helplessness I felt about my husband's death that made everything seem strange and unfamiliar. As I dealt better with the grief and sense of loss, I seemed to gradually get back on track and things started to feel more normal and centred, and as that happened I felt less like a lost soul. Even now I get these occasional panic and lost feelings, but now I can just lean back, breathe deeply, and bring things into focus. Please do not despair as I am sure that as time goes by you will start to deal with it better. In the meantime, you might want to consider some grief counselling, as I mentioned I do think it helped me in the long term. Wishing you the best, and hoping the widow's fog will clear up soon for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Patti Boeck

Trawna,

Thank you for your reply. I send my condolence for the loss of your husband. I have had some mini counseling and attended a couple of grief support classes that then closed down until further notice. I have repeatedly read info on grieving until the wee hours of the morning. Yes, I am better. But I still have memory problems that culminate in feelings of personal inadequacy. I've read that it's important for the grieved person to discuss certain issues. Also, every loss brings back past losses that stack on top of the current loss, thus exacerbating the current grief. I was hoping that I could find a local group. But as I said, it folded until maybe some time in August. Meanwhile, my memory problems are a burden and remind me constantly of my loss. The real nitty gritty is that I need a group of widows so that I can share with them and they can share with me the issues unique to each of us. In person is best, but online may come in a close second. What I am looking for is a place where I can have the floor when it is my turn to talk and pour my heart out about all the losses in my life so that I can deal with any unresolved issues from the past as well as the current issues. Does this make any sense to you? I hoped I wouldn't have to wait until August to work on my issues. But maybe I will have to. Again, thank you for your response. It gives me hope.                                                    

Patti

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hello Patti:

I haven't checked this forum for several months and when I did today - your need reached out to me! 

I am a widow - twice now. I lost my 1st husband to a long, slow death to cancer. Today would have been our 50th wedding anniversary. I lost my second husband to a sudden heart attack. And, like you, lost my mother just barely a year before his death. And yes, grieving is such a no man's land. I too suffered that horrendous "out of my mind" experience - forgetting, feeling disoriented. I appreciated how CS Lewis explained it as "feeling slightly concussed". It is the hardest thing you will ever have to do.

I would like very much to be your listener/helper until your grief group hopefully gets started in August. I am a mental health counselor, and specialize in grief work. Let's just try this out for a month or so and see if you find it helps. I would prefer talking and meeting with you via Skype or VSee (a privacy compliant skype-like program free). But first let's just chat via email to see if this works for you. Let me know by responding to my post here. 

All my very best wishes for your full recovery

 

Pat

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi Patty -

Me again....I forgot to click the "Notify me of replies" button below so I'll know if you reply. 

 

Pat

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Patti Boeck

Third attempt to connect here. I keep hitting a wrong key or something. It is 3:00 am here. Maybe my brain has shut down due to lack of sleep. I keep staying awake until late so I can fall asleep fast and not dwell on losing my husband and mother, while trying to go to sleep.

In my little cocoon here in my daughter's house, I feel sheltered. But out in the real world by myself, not so much. I'll try to get back to you tomorrow.

Patti

 

 

 

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi Patti! 

So glad to hear that you are feeling sheltered and safe with your daughter. Sleeping was a big problem for me too - I have some ideas for you. Let's try you emailing me at patsharpphd@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you and hopefully helping you get your footing (and mind!) again. 

With care, 

Pat

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.