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My father


midnightsky550

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midnightsky550

I had lost my father on April 27. He was 66 and was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in early December. In less than five months he was gone. While he was never in the best health his death seemed so sudden. I feel lost, alone and broken. I know that healing will take time. 

He and I shared so many things, we both had the same favorite TV show and always watched it together every week. We both loved animals and went to the zoo often. I haven't been back there since he passed and I even stopped watching the show. My best friend is telling me that I shouldn't avoid them. He said keeping those things in my life is a good grieving process. Maybe he's right, I don't know, but right now it's too painful and maybe one day they will bring good memories that will make me smile but for now it just brings heartache.

Is he right though? Is it a good grieving process? Should I face those?

 

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Im sorry to hear about your Dad. I lost my dad suddenly on April 13. I'm 28 he was 69.

One thing I've learned from counselling is that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, there are no 'shoulds'. If you're not comfortable watching the shows don't do it. I find it hard to look at photos of my dad and avoid films I know he'd want to see as we always had movie nights. I don't know if I'll ever be able to watch films like before or look at his photo, there's no time frame on grief. We just have to go with the flow and do what feels right. Ive found that forcing myself to do things that don't feel right makes my pain worse. Don't be hard on yourself for not doing what other people tell you you should.

 

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Midnightsky and Nutella1: Welcome! I'm so sorry for you loss. It truly is hell losing a loved one. I lost my mom on 3/13/15 to a massive stroke. On Feb 23, she had the stroke right after lunch. During the first 3-4 days days in the ER was the only time I got to speak to my mom. It was only one or two words and she goes back to sleep. She went to hospice and stayed for almost two weeks. During her stay there it didn't really click that that is where she is going to pass. I still to this day cannot sat the "D" word. Watching my mom take her last breath is something that I will never ever forget. It's burned in my brain. It's been 14 months and I still cry. She was world, me best friend, my partner in crime (so to speak) and my confidant.

I was mom's main caretaker. Mom was wheelchair bound. Even though it was challenging for me because I had a major stroke myself with one hand to work with, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I want my mom back. Midnightsky, just like Nutella suggested, if you are not comfortable watching the shows don't watch it. You're still new to this. There will come a day when you are ready. 

I'm glad you found this site. We will support you. We are here for you. Love and Hugs.

May

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