Loosing my mother on May 24th 2016

[Alisha Young]

I don't know how to do this.. Or if it'll even help. 

 

But I have to try something.. I'm making myself go crazy.

On May 23rd we went to my sons kindergarten graduation.. My mother had copd and emphazema.. It was so hot and humid she was having trouble breathing and had to leave shortly after arriving. I'm so glad I got a few pictures that day of her. 

 

I begged her to come stay with me in the AC but she wouldn't leave my dad alone... 

 

So morning of the 24th, it started getting hot so I thought I would go check on her (we live about 50ft from one another) 

 

I walked in her door.. And hollared.. I didn't see her so I started to walk towards the bedroom.. And there she was.. Face down.. In a fetal position. I quickly grabbed her and turned her over.. Her lips were blue and cold. I tried doing CPR for a few mins..  Looked around for her phone and I couldn't find it.. So I took off running and screaming for my husband. He met me in the driveway and I screamed and told him what I had seen. He immediately took off running up there while I got my phone to call 911.

 

We gave her CPR until they got here.  My husbanded pumped her chest while I have her air. She was gurgling back every time I gave her air.. I'll never forget it. I'll never get that site out of my head. The coldness of her face and lips. The way they felt, the texture. The smell.. It was different.. I can't explain it. 

 

One of my biggest fears were finding my mama.. And dangit I had to be the one to find her.... She was my best friend and this hurts so much. Everything's just spinning constantly. 

 

Well.. Thanks for listening. <3i love you, mama. 

[Everly]

Alisha, I am so sorry.  I wish I had the words to help you understand what happened.. but I don't.  This death of our mother's is just something so painful and so unreal, it's hard to even believe when they pass.  I know how horrible this is... it is horrible to lose your Mom  I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry for how you found your Mom   There are no good stories.  I witnessed my Mom having a stroke.  People find their mother passed away so often and it's so unfair.  

Where was your Dad?  Where is your Dad now?

There is a daily thread that is pinned at the top of the Loss of Parent's forum... alot of us chat there daily.  Please feel free to chat with us.  You will find support and healing there.

[Mother'sBoy]

Hello. What you have been through sounds very distressing. The fact that your mother was on your mind whilst you were at kindergarten proves that you cared greatly about her.

I note from the date that it was very recently and it was still very raw. What is helping me with what I am going through is everytime I feel sorry for my mother, I think about the good things that happened to her, the good life that she lead. It may not help you, everyone grieves differently and everyone's circumstances are different.

 

Support groups like this and also offline support groups can help too.

[Alisha Young]

On 5/30/2016 at 1:26 PM, Everly said:

Alisha, I am so sorry.  I wish I had the words to help you understand what happened.. but I don't.  This death of our mother's is just something so painful and so unreal, it's hard to even believe when they pass.  I know how horrible this is... it is horrible to lose your Mom  I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry for how you found your Mom   There are no good stories.  I witnessed my Mom having a stroke.  People find their mother passed away so often and it's so unfair.  

Where was your Dad?  Where is your Dad now?

There is a daily thread that is pinned at the top of the Loss of Parent's forum... alot of us chat there daily.  Please feel free to chat with us.  You will find support and healing there.

He had left that morning for a Dr appointment at 830.. And I found her at 1130. 

 

I've tried staying with him as much as possible but we're farmers. Our livelihood is our crops.. So he's staying pretty busy on the tractor getting things ready.  And thank u for telling me about to daily thread. 

[Jen Junior]

Hey alisha. I can really understand how much pain your going through and how much it hurts to lose your mum. But I can also understand how hard it is to find your mum and to give cpr to her. My experience is very much like yours I lost my mum too. And I was the one who found my mum too had to do cpr too. So I ain't lie in when I say I can fully understand your pain and if you ever need to talk then just talk even if it's just writing in a book or write a letter to ur mum and I know she can't read it but I do believe as ur writing she is listening. I found that it helped to talk bout her or talk bout it to anyone u can

[Lynz86]

Hi Alisha,

I lost my mummy on the same day as you, 24th May 2016, her death was sudden, violent and traumatic so I understand the terrible pain you are going through. This is just what I feel and you have to think and feel whatever is right for you, but I think your mama is with you still, I believe that with all my heart I know my mum is with me and that I will see her again. This situation is only temporary. The ones we love just want us to make the most of the life we have and find happiness where we can until we are with them again.  My mum was my best friend too, she was the centre of my world and I cant imagine her not being with me anymore, and like you I'm going over and over the days leading up to her death thinking what I could have done differently to prevent it. Keep talking and know your not alone x

[Umpqua]

I also lost my Mom on May 24 and the pain is still very real and raw. I was mostly prepared for her death since she had been sick for nearly three years, but I'm still trying to process the actual circumstances of it. Know that there are others out there who share your pain and grief and I think it definitely helps to keep talking and writing about it.