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dansdad

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My son was hurt in a car accident in November of 2007. He suffered severe head trauma and is now in a coma. I hope for the best, but sometimes feel like giving up. The first night at the hospital the doctors told my wife and I that he had little or no chance of coming back to us. We refused to believe he would not recover. The surgeons removed his skull bones the day after the accident to let his brain swell to prevent his passing. After several surgeries for infections and several bouts with pneumonia he is in a nursing home.

 

The clinical term for his condition is a persistent vegetative state. Sometimes I feel as though I may have made a mistake and should have let him go during the first few days. I think of all of the pain he has been though, and wonder if doctors play God to increase their wealth. When I have my doubts I remember that I promised him on day one that I would never give up. As long as he hangs in I will.

 

 

Dansdad

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DansDad, my prayers are with you, your family and your son. I lost my only child, my 17 year old daughter to sudden heart death on September 20, 2008.  I understand you have also experienced the loss of the son you once knew, my heart goes out to you and your family.

Marcia   Bethany's Mom Forever

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Dansdad - To know what is the right thing at the time is so hard.  We live with 'hope' that each day with each procedure, there might be a change and our child will return.  Its what as parents we do.

You are in that uneviable place of grieving for the son injured in 2007 who has been unable to return to you.  Its a grief not unlike that of those whose children have passed.  You truly are in a place of uneviable limbo.  

I wish you strength as you 'hang in there' with Dan.  Not sure how far the nursing home is from you, but if you visit often remember to talk with Dan, massage his hands, feet and even his face as you do.  Play his music and make sure everyone who cares for him does so with respect and warmth.

Should you need a place to talk about Dan, where he is now and who he was before please come to Loss of an Adult Child.  You will find people who have such compassion and the support can be oxgyen for the soul...

Take Care - Trudi

 

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tanmanmymagicman

Wow, that's a tough one.......My son was 16 and died in a rollover accident Aug 07; he died right then and there on the side of the road in the 108 hot dirt........ the next day I had t see the truck and at the wrecking yard my kids were with me and the truck looked bad and I cried and I said even if Tanner somehow made it whatever shape he would be in I would be happy and I would live my life forever meeting his needs....BUT I was not given that choice.....I would of envied you but then I hear in your email how sad you are about it and I know how bad it must hurt to see him like that........... I hope maybe you can find someone that can give you good honest advise and choices to ease your mind......My heartfelt blessings to you and your family.......Cindy Houk; I am Tanner Houk's mom forever.......I am also a mom that can't sleep ever......it is torture;;;can't take too many sleeping pills as they depress you the next day.............Just follow your heart and your true instinct; thats what I do these days.......

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DANS DAD...IVE BEEN THERE...KOURTNEY HAD A TUMOR AND WE WOUND UP IN A NURSING HOME,,,,TELL ME THAT DONT TAKE THE CRAP CAKE PUTTING YOUR 22 YR OLD DAUGHTER IN A NURSING HOME....IM HERE FOR YOU...READ MY PROFILE IT TELLS OF OUR TRIP TO HELL.

IF THERE IS A SLIGHT CHANCE OF HAVING HIM BACK...NO WAY WOULD I LET GO...WE NEVER DID...TILL WE HAD TOO..

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Dan's Dad:  Sending you prayers for strength...I don't know what our decision would have been in such a position; I don't think any of us do...when the time comes to meet what we are meeting---be it a "phone call," an extended illness, or such as what you are facing, we become different people...we are no longer who we were before, and we have to try to learn who we've become through the process of grief.  Even though your son is still with you physically, he is not the same boy he was before his accident, and you aren't the same parents.  The grieving is there...  I am so very sorry for the grief and pain you feel.    Our son died from brain cancer after a long and courageous battle, for 17 months.  When he first learned of his prognosis, he signed papers to "keep the machines running" as he put it, for up to 6 months, no longer, if necessary.  Had it been necessary to do as he wished, I don't know that I could have....  His wife couldn't---she asked me to sign as primary caregiver and decision-maker.  It was a tough road, but thankfully, we didn't have to go to that part of it. 

I send you and your family love and prayers for strength.

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

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For dansdad~ I too, have a Dan, but he is on the "other side of this side" You will find me on Loss of a Child, Loss of an Adult Child here.

Danny was in an accident in June of 2004, he was on life support for 5 days, then passed on. He saved 5 lives in organ donation, so this has been of  some comfort. He was 25 years old at the time of his accident, and life, obviously, has changed forever.

You are in a very painful situation. Letting go is something that never happens, so please, don't even try. This does not mean that if Dan's time comes, that it won't be his time, but letting go never happens, whether they remain here with us on Earth, or travel on and wait for us to one day join them.

Letting go of the sadness is possible... Believe it or not, the wonderful memories do want to move the sad ones over....

There is a tremendous amount of love and support on this website. Please stick with us and know that we will do all that we can to help you. My guess is that you feel some guilt at times, feeling undecided, and I will pray for you that it leaves your heart, for it wastes so much energy that you may want to put elsewhere. I can feel your exhaustion....

My Danny was, and still is, a very loving, funny, intuitive guy.... He carries me through alot, still~ Below is a photo of him with my oldest sister. She sleeps with 2 phones at night in case I need her.....

Love and my family carry me through the rest.. I have a beautiful daughter that needs me.. I have 2 beautiful grand daughters that need me.. My list goes on and on... At the end of the day, I need me to be there for all of them.

Oh, how I will pray for you and your family.....

With love, from one Danny to another, always~

mamabets and Danny, her little wink from here, there and everywhere

 

post-12239-128153894048_thumb.jpg

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Dansdad~

I feel for you and your family on the decisions you have made and will make for Dan. My husband and I chose to take our 21 month old son off of life support and let him go with the angels to heaven. I think I will always wonder if we made the right decision of letting our baby boy go. I ask myself that if we would have kept him alive would he have gotten better, or never been the same again. I am so sorry about your Dan. I pray for you and your family and I hope that these decisions will either come easy or that a miracle will happen and you will be able to speak to Dan again. No parent no matter the age of their child should be able to make the decision whether their child lives or dies. I often go back to the nightmare we went through with Tanner and ask myself just like you whether the doctors did what they did for the money or because it was what needed to be done. I pray for Dan and feel free to let out your emotions anytime here on this site.

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