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Trouble Concentrating


Izzy48

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Is it normal to have difficult concentrating while grieving? I lost my mom on April 25 of this year and have been having a real hard time focusing at work. My mom was 89 and had advanced brain cancer. I feel kind of sad but sort of numb at the same time and have periods of anxiety. I am wondering how long this will go on and when I can expect to start feeling better.

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silverkitties

Well, I am not going to tell you "your mom lived a long life and you should be happy!" 

I know all too well how you feel. As I was still working on projects last year that had already been in progress since my 82 yr old mom was hospitalized in April 2014, I felt constantly besieged by memories. Going over notes from that year reminded me of all those visits to the hospitals; I could even remember what I was reading on each occasion. I felt almost devastated around the anniversary of my mom's passing when I was just finishing an article that I was supposed to have submitted around the time of her death; not surprisingly, it slowed down my writing. (I probably spent more time recalling her death than writing the article!)  Yet, once I finished it the following week, I felt a huge sense of relief and blessing. I felt as if the article I had written on an 18th-century feminist was in part also a commemoration of my mom's life and principles. 

You are still in the early ages of grieving: for many of us here, much of the pain persisted into the first year. Of course, all this depends on your relationship with your parent. When they've been a mentor and friend for so long, and when you're accustomed to seeing or hearing from them on a daily basis, the pain can feel overwhelming at times; it's possibly worse if you're all alone, with no spouse, kids, or close friends nearby to comfort you, and faced with all the after burdens of death (probate, taxes). It can even be aggravated if you're in the midst of a breakup or divorce. For the first year, I felt constantly bombarded by memories. Just looking at things would remind me of happier days with mom; a lipstick would remind me of one of our many shopping excursions; a sweater would remind me of the day I visited mom in the hospital; preparing a certain meal would remind me of another occasion with her....you get the idea. And whenever I woke up after dreaming of mom, I would cry. 

But after a while, I started to feel less unhappy on a daily basis. Perhaps it was because there were new projects ahead--but I definitely noticed a change when I woke up one morning laughing after dreaming of shopping with mom. I thought to myself mom and I shopped way too much! Too funny! And in the past few weeks, I've noticed many dreams of mom where we're just together--rather than finding her after an absence. Am I beginning to come to terms with it?

Of course, there will always be bad days--particularly around anniversaries of certain events or holidays. I now tell myself "I will never have such happy days again with mom-- But I am also glad I was able to experience that once in a lifetime happiness and to be loved by someone as wonderful as mom."  
 

 

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Everly,

 Thanks for your reply, my mom was sick for about 5 years but she got much worse in the last 8 months or so of her life. I just feel so sad and empty now with her gone, I was just crying myself. It is a terrible feeling to have to live with...

 

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