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Six months later


jicurwin

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My dad died suddenly on Halloween due to a brain aneurysm. It should have been caught. He had terrible headaches leading up to his final moments and the doctors saw nothing, they did nothing. 10 days later my whole family was together, celebrating his 60th birthday. In the immediate aftermath, I was doing everything I could to keep it together in order to let my mom and little brother who is 17 fall apart. I went back to school, at least I tried. I finished the fall semester but I could not make it through one month of the spring semester. I'm home, trying to figure out what to do next. I feel like whenever something happens the first person I want to tell can't answer. He was my everything. I truly was daddy's little girl and I feel like while everyone says only time can make things easier, each second that passes is making it harder and harder. Does anyone else feel like this? I'm seeing a therapist, talking to friends and family who all try to understand, but they don't. 

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silverkitties

Six months is still early, jicurwin....at least, it was for me and many others here and elsewhere. Those who say you should be moving on have no idea. The worst time for me was between the 3 months and the one-year anniversary of her passing. Believe me when I say that that period was one of the most challenging in my life. 

Btw, back in December. I wrote about Jackie O in the daily thread: I read about how she coped with the assassination of her husband in November 1963--and noticed that she too felt even more miserable at six months even as she was encouraged by his family to "get over it." The healing wound up taking far longer than that.

The fact is that "getting over it" really depends on the strength of our relationship with the beloved: it has nothing to do with whether it's a parent, child, sibling, husband, or friend.  If your father was your strongest bond in your life, you are going to miss his passing the longest and hardest. There are going to be days that remind you of happier moments you with shared with your dad: maybe you'll see something you wore when you went out with your family for an outing, or maybe the skies will remind you of a day you all went to visit your aunt. This still happens to me, even if the pains are not quite as sharp. 

We are here for you. You don't know what a blessing this site has been for me. Any time I felt pangs over my mother, I posted about my feelings....and all the memories I've had of her, whether happy or sad (I have 2 threads, Still missing my mother and approaching the anniversary of her passing.) Recalling those memories helped me get it off my chest, particularly when people responded. (Don't hold your breath, tho'; responses can take a while at times.) 

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Hi jicurwin,

I feel the same. I'm 28 and my Dad died suddenly a month ago of a heart attack.

Every minute gets harder and harder, time is doing nothing for me at all.

It sounds like you're doing the right things talking to people. 

My Dad was my best friend. I was definitely a daddys girl too. It's only been a month and my friends have been unsupportive *forgetting* to ring or *too busy* to text or not asking how I am but asking me to help them with stuff as normal or asking if im having a lovely day and me saying no i get...'but you seem so strong' then nothing. When I cry to my mum she tells me to go to the doctor. Personally I think crying a month after your Dad died is normal. At 6 months I know I'll definitely be on my own. It's going to be hard for a long time. But I think when someone you're close to dies it will be hard no matter what support you have and we have to keep on keeping on. *make the best of every day* is what my auntie tells me. Atm my best is eating Nutella out a jar with a spoon while I stare at the Tv or play on snapchat haha. And obsessively google ways of coping...i'm attached to my phone now like it's a surrogate Dad.

I'm riding the storm 1 minute at a time and trying not to think about the future because it terrifies me. I wonder if it will get better but thinking about it scares me too. But I'm sure it will for me and you. Just look round the supermarket and there'll be loads of elderly people... Most of them won't have parents anymore and they somehow coped. 

Maybe instead of us wondering when it will get better....maybe we just need to think ...will I survive? Because who knows when it'll get better, but we'll definitely survive.

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