Summer Sadness

[cassies]

Everyday I wake up and miss Tanner even more. Summer was his favorite time of the year even though he was so young. Tanner loved the outdoors, harvest, the pool, and going anywhere all the time. It has been so hard to do the "normal" summer activities with our other son Cooper. It's been only 9 months since he has passed away and it seems like such a lifetime ago that I have seen his smile, smelt his little boy smell, and hear him call out to momma, daddy, or bubba. I can tell Cooper misses his brother just as much as we do. He reminds me several times a day that he misses Tan. It's not fair that a 3 year old has to go though this heartache of loosing his best friend. Coop and Tan were supposed to be enjoying this summer together just like brothers do. I hurt so much that I have lost my son, but hurt even more for Cooper who does not understand why his brother died and is never coming home. I can hardly believe that it's true, but to a 3 year old it's not fair. Cooper has been so strong in our journey. He knows that Tanner's body is in the ground, but his spirit is in heaven with Jesus. I have a hard time holding my emotions in, because I am supposed to be strong. When I log on to this forum I read all the other parents grief and I feel even more pain. I feel pain for them loosing children, but pain for Tanner. But then I sometimes think, if all the children that has passed away are in heaven with my sweet Tanner, then they are not alone. But us parent's feel alone. I guess I just don't understand while children have to die before thier parents.

[mikesmum]

Cassie - logging on here can bring out pain we are trying so hard to get a hold of - yet here is where I have found the strength to deal with that pain and find a place for it.  Here I can share the other side of my son, the 31yrs of his life and my memories....

I hope it gets a little softer for you.  Your baby boy is beautiful

Trudi

[mikesmomrs]

Cassie:  What Trudi says is so very true---logging on here can be painful, but it allows us to not only releaase our pain, but to reach out and allow others to help us, it allows us to remember more than our beautiful children's death--it allows us to focus on their lives, to talk about them, to "brag" about them if you will, and to share the wonder of their lives with others who truly understand how we feel.  I am so sorry that little Coop is missing out on the joy of having his brother with him...my heart reaches out to both of you.  I pray that the sweet and loving memories of Tanner's life will come through your pain, loud and clear and often, to remind you of the wonder of him, and to help ease the pain of his being gone physically. 

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs,

[dannysmomma]

Cassie{{hugs}}I've had to take a "break" from the boards lately myself..I suppose it's part of the stages we must go thru in this journey.I doubt anyone takes the periodic absences personally,many understand because they've been there.I wish I could post more often but at this time it's ..heartbreaking:( but I know if I need to come and vent there is always someone there to listen.Danny loved summer too,especially swimming..I get incredibly sad when trying to plan things to do and the kids are feeling this too:(We'll always miss our angels no matter what ,it's waiting for the pain to soften somewhat that seems forever.