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How to go on


Simran

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I lost my mom over two months ago.  We we're very close. I read your post.  My mother passed two months ago. I m a nurse.  And I m daily haunted by her death and upset that I left her to come to Toronto.   I needed a  break and stayed longer than I intended to .... Because she was supposed to be discharged.  But  I told her i would come back in a few days but once I came to
Toronto I kept changing my mind and my brother even discussed with me her discharge plans so I stayed longer than planned and my mother was upset about this.  She passed a day before I was to return. I keep reliving me not going back and not there to tell the drs to give her certain medications that might have helped and and angry that I did not question them giving her potassium Iv even though at the time I wondered and was going to ask but then thought maybe it was just low potassium and the next week they said it was too high.  Daily I beat myself up and am haunted by all the medical issues and my interventions with her.  Did I give her too many vitamins which effected her liver.  Why didn't I give her lasix at home etc etc. I even prayed that she be taken by a heart attack so they she wouldn't be suffering..... But that was a prayer to say she be taken in that manner rather than suffering more but not that she die at this time etc etc.     I m full of Guilt for not taking care of her more earlier etc. Guilty I went on holiday when she didn't want me to etc.   Full of guilt thinking if how sad should become every time I left her in Ottawa to return to Toronto to live  why did I not have her move in with me earlier as she really needed someone to take care of her   Or why didn't I have her live with me earlier in Toronto   She started living with me last July and within 3 months she got sick and in hospital for 3 months and passed away to Drs mistakes   One dr was determined her symptoms were dementia related when it was liver   I feel so angry   She was getting better and he discontinued her medications Bs she regressed and Drs changed and they again started treating her for liver problems   The medical system is so screwed up   They font even believe the family who s been with the patient for years ... If the dr had believed us she would not have developed more problems and passed away 

My mom was my life.  We lived for eat other  I am angry I didn't go back when I said I would  I hurt her and myself before she passed

How do I live without her  When you have children you and or a spouse you have reasons   When your alone how do you keep going   When my father passed I still had my mother   Now i have no one   I don't seem reason to keep going   What for   Why didn't I do more for my mom  why didn't I think one day she won't be here and I need to take care of her more.  Now my life feels meaningless.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I am so very sorry for the loss of your mom. You go forward by talking to others about your loss. It sounds as though you need to join a support group. Many funeral homes have them; check a local one or call a counseling clinic and ask if there is a local grief and loss support group. Also, do you have other family members or friends? Lean on them. Let them know how you feel. 

I am so sorry you are going through this. There is a Loss of a Parent Daily thread that you may want to join. There are many people in that forum who have lost their parents. They will be able to encourage and support you through this grief journey. 

Are you taking care of yourself? 

We will be here with you,

ModKonnie

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Thanks for replying.  Finally someone replied. My brothers blame me too for not being with my mom the week before she passed and also for not moving to Ottawa to take care of her after my father passed.  This is very painful as I blame myself for these things too.   The counselling number for the funeral home always refers me counsellors which makes me upset as they told me their services were available for 13 months.  Anyways I starred to see a counsellor.  How do you join the dailyt hread 

 

 

 

 

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Hi Simran, welcome, sorry for your loss. If you go to the top of the forum , loss of a parent daily thread, and go to the last page you can talk to all of us there. A lot of us post there , so feel free to join us.

Lisa 

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