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Loosing the person I needed the most


Theologirl

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My mom was everything to me. I don't have a relationship with my father. And when she died I felt like all my ties to the world we're severed. The truth is I am lucky I have a loving partner and an endless amount of friends. But at 28 I felt like I was loosing the one person I couldn't live without. She was my best friend. She was a father and a mother to me in so many ways. I am devastated that she won't get to see me have babies or get married. And I feel stupid saying I feel like an adult orphan. She was my soulmate. And the one thing I that was safe and constant in my chaotic life. I started grieving the minute I found out she had stage 4 lung cancer. But nothing could prepare me for the pain I have felt after she passed away. I know it would break her heart to see me like this. My first instinct was to want to die with her so we could be together. But I'm never sure what I believe in. I have so much love in my life. And I feel ungrateful and useless everyday. Because all I care about is missing her wanting to be with her. Getting through the days are hard. And even going to sleep is hard because I'm afraid of tomorrow. 

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Theologirl, I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand completely what you are saying. My mum died last july from lung cancer that had spread everywhere. I looked after her for nine months and watched her die at home. I was absolutely devastated she had terminal cancer, she was my everything. My father has never been part of our lives and has no idea she died. I'm not married, don't have kids or partner. I too feel like an orphan and I feel I will never recover from her loss. Everyday is empty and lonely without her and I can't wait to join her. I'm glad you have lots of people around you, but I know how you are feeling. One day at a time is all we can do to get through this terrible journey. 

Love and hugs 

Lisa 

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Welcome Theologirl! I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand what you're going through of losing your mom. My mom passed away 13 months ago from a massive stroke and it's still very painful. I was her main caretaker for years. Watching her slow down from using a cane, then a walker and then into a wheelchair. Taking care of mom was challenging because I had a stroke myself which left me weak on my right side and only one good hand to use. I would do anything to have mom back. I felt the same way you did. I wanted to die, too. There was nowhere to turn to. I have 5 other siblings and I'm the youngest. They all seemed to carry on as usual as if the death of mom didn't effect them. I didn't see any of them cry, but, I was always crying. I felt alone. Nobody understood what I was going through. There was nothings else to live for without my mom.

I'm glad you are here. We have a pretty awesome group here. A lot of us usually post on the Lost of a Parent (Mother or Father) thread. You can share your thought or vent. We understand and support each other. We are here for you.

Hugs

May

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Followyourart

I had to join to reply to your post. I just lost my amazing Mom today. Only recently found out she had stage 3b lung cancer. I immediatley felt like a truck hit me. She also was battling pnemonia for quite some time and one thing led to another. She quickly fell apart and stopped eating and drinking. She was my wntire worls, best friend with the greatest personality. I am lost, broken and had thoughts to take my own life. I even slit my wrist before realizing it was a huge mistake. I am the youngest of the eight she had and we were so close. I can barely eat or talk and have no idea how I will go on. I understand your pain and please keep in contact with me. We need the support!  

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