Members martysmom Posted July 10, 2009 Members Report Share Posted July 10, 2009 Marty, our dog for over 12 years died on Wednesday. He had cancer that metastacized to his lungs. Though he was a big dog (half shepherd half black lab) he went everywhere with us, on most vacations, to work with me, to visit relatives out of state, the store, etc. If I was in my garden, he was with me, smelling flowers, "helping" me decide where to move a perennial or put a new one. He'd just follow me around and was my constant companion. He thought he was a lap dog. He looked like a black Irish Setter and had that personality. Folk who normally don't like dogs, liked Marty. He was calm, patient, and loving to everyone. He helped my 2 and 5 year old neice and nephew and my sister get over the loss of their dad/husband in a car accident. He seemed to know which one needed him the most and that's who he would follow around and sleep next to at night. My extreme guilt is coming from not being with him when he died. I knew he was getting sicker. I knew the end was near. I didn't bring him to work with me that day because the day before and that morning he'd lost control of his bowels. I only work part time so I aplogized to him and told him he couldn't come with me. He just stared at me when I left. I left him on a towel, on a yoga mat that was helping him get up instead of the wood floor. I asked a neighbor and fellow dog lover to look in on him and tell me if anything was amis and if so I'd come right home (work is 5 miles away). She stayed with him for a half hour. He didn't seem in distress. I got home a little after 1pm and found him closer to the door. I don't know if he was trying to get out, looking for me. I don't know. But he was gone and I was looking thru the door window, banging on the glass telling him to get up, "Mommy's home, Marty!, Mommy's home, get up"...I knew he was gone. I was having trouble with my key in desperation to get in to him. Today is my first day home without him and I'm not doing well. I know it's only been two days and that time will heal. I've taken grief classes but that doesn't help now, with my grief. My two adult sons and husband all all grieving as well (Marty was actually our birthday gift to our son on his 11th birthday). How do I get over the guilt of not staying home with him, of not recognizing his look when I left??? He was my baby, I knew his looks usually and what he wanted. I know he didn't want me to leave him, he never did. In the office where I work I could have shifted my hours/days. I could have left early, easily with my boss's blessing. WHY DIDN'T I!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.