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Poets Corner ( expressing grief in the form of poetry)

Lisa k

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After my mother died i have written several poems ( my attempt anyway). Because i have no one to talk to and i am very introverted i find it difficult to actually open up anybody. Most people think i am cold because i struggle to show emotion. Anyway this is what i penned today. I welcome others to express their poems too. 




                           It's been nine weeks today

                           since you were taken away

                           everyday i am feeling more sad

                           i'm starting to feel really really bad


                           I'm supposed to carry on with life ahead

                           but i don't even want to get out of bed

                           there is nothing inside me even left

                           when you died it felt like theft


                           I guess you are now finally free

                           while all i feel is the misery

                           i wish it was a dream and you weren't really gone

                           because everything feels really wrong


                           Please mum will you hold my hand

                           because only you would understand

                           not only were you my best friend

                           you're all i had til the end


                           How i long to see your face

                           instead of being in this empty place

                           how i long to hold you again

                           only you could ease this pain


                           Down my cheek falls another tear

                           longing to feel that you are near

                           never again will i feel your embrace

                           silent tears roll down my face



I have written so many poems some of which are quite dark. Today i feel like i just can't get through another day and i truly wish i was dead.The pain in my heart is too much and i feel so depressed i would welcome death.My mother was a life long smoker and she believed she got what she deserved and maybe she did but i miss her so much and i smoke myself my only bad vice i have never drank alcohol i can't stand the taste of any of it. Right now i would take anything to get rid of this pain. I hope smoking kills me too and soon.

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I want to die, too.


I have to hide it. People think I am a nice, goofy person.... When I was younger, the term "bubbly" would have been a good description. I am bipolar. It is horrible to me. It is kind of like having a damning, debilitating sickness but you don't get any relief from it, people just keep on judging you, labeling you, avoiding you, not wanting you to have a good job... why do they even give a crap? 


I think my mom had it, too. But we weren't close they way it sounds like you and your mom were. The sad thing is, we both wanted to be, but we never found a way. We had differences and kept our distance to a degree.


I don't want my mom to be gone. I am mad! I am so angry! I was the baby and towards the end she kept calling me her "sweet Ashley." I am not sweet! I am sour and unpleasant! I don't want to talk to people! I like to be alone. I don't want to talk.


I am only here because I am hurting and cannot grieve privately because my daughter is always around (she has suffered enough and always is sad if I am sad) and because my sister and I don't talk anymore...


I need to vent somehow. I like doing that here. I don't even need someone to read my posts... But I get to write them, to say what I think and how I feel, and if even one person views the post, somehow I feel a little successful in... well, not successful, but i feel like maybe i got to say it to the people that really should be hearing it...


It makes me sad that you are alone. I hope you keep writing. I am sorry about your mum... For what it is worth, I don't think anyone "deserves" a particular illness. We are all just bumbling around, doing what we can to be a part of the world while it is given to us.


Don't let anyone make you feel bad about who you are or what you do if you are not hurting anyone else. "Only answer to yourself" is how I am trying to get by. Of course, I may never find out if I'm right or not. ha ha...:/

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Hi Ashley, **** people who judge you for having a mental illness out of your control. What people don't get is how it affects your ability to function in this shitty society. Do not feel less of a person for having a illness. My brother is schizophrenic and yes it is hell of a illness but to all those fuckers who judge us all i can say is screw you your life isn't over yet and anyone at anytime can suffer from mental illness.I'm sorry your mum is gone it hurts so much. My mum was my world and now she is gone i don't give a **** if i die . Today i feel just so pissed off and angry at everything.I suffer anxiety and agoraphobia and depression too at times and having to watch my mum die feels like it has compounded everything to new level. I have barely left the house since she died and if i have to it is only a 5 minute walk to the supermarket. After my mum died i could not leave the house and my phsycologist did a home visit cause i just couldn,t get there.The crippling panic attacks that go with it suck. Nothing makes me feel better but i too like to come here to vent even if no one replys. I like you ashley and i talk to you whenever you want. We people with illnesses need to stick together and screw others who judge or avoid us. You're not a bad person we all are hurting.Do you ever hide from people like the neigbours if their outside or someone you know if your out. I do this all the time just ta avoid talking to them . Not sure why i do it really but who gives a ****.


I'm thinking of you Ashley please come back and post . I will answer.

warm regards






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Hi Lisa, your poem is very nice. I used to write poems myself. I'm better expressing myself in writing than verbal. Especially now that I've been through 2 strokes, I have trouble thinking about the word(s) I try to say. I have trouble with remembering. 


There is nothing wrong with being shy. I'm a shy person myself. I until after my stroke. I don't know what happened. Inside my brain is different now. I'm more open and is not shy like I used to be. I'm still a little shy though. I sort of snapped back at my supervisor and that isn't me. I think I surprised myself, too.  :)   


Ikos, people can be very ignorant. Don't listen to what others think. Come here and let your frustrations out. We have a very good group and we won't judge you. We will listen. We're all ears. That's the good thing about it.


I read this quote somewhere, it says,

"Don't take things personally. What others say about you is their reality, not yours." 


Love and Hugs.  ;)

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This is how i feel.






Please god up in the sky

I'm praying for you to let me die

I can't put up with this struggle

All these feelings i try and juggle


Please god take away the pain

I'm slowly being driven insane

Please tell me what i must do

You've no idea what i'm going through


Please i beg just take me away

I don't want to live another day

If you don't welcome me into your arms

There's only one choice for me to self harm


The only thing that'll take away this pain

Is to be wrapped in the arms of my mother again

I miss you so much mum and i miss your love

I'll truly only be happy when i'm with you above




I love you mum and i can't live anymore.It's too hard to cope with and i just have lost the will.


Love you forever mum

Your broken daughter

Lisa xxxooo


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Hi Lisa K,

Very well written. I feel exactly the same.

I wish to die..I wish God took me asap.

Cant bear it anymore. I dont want life without my Mom. Want to get out..



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Thank you, Lisa and MSN87. I want you guys to know that even though i may not be through here often (sometimes the pain is too unbearable, and a grieving forum forces me to admit why i'm here) I do come by and read y'all's posts now and then. It matters to me that you had something nice to say because sometimes things are bleak here. 


My daughter transferred some old videos from her ipod to a new computer today. She began playing the videos she had taken with her ipod to remember what she recorded and sort through what she wanted. There was a video in which she was recording my niece telling a story. I wasn't watching but I could hear what they were saying then my mom's voice came in the background so loud so clear so real that i felt like i had been punched in the stomach. 


i tried to look, to watch my mom appear on camera in her old worn out pajamas, just her, real at that time, like she really existed, and she did, but i don't think i can prove it. Not to myself, not right now. it's either all or nothing for me, either i cant think about her at all, pretend there is no problem, no, no dead mom, nothing is wrong or else everything is wrong and i just want to die. 


i couldnt even stop my hand from raising in anguish, in a defensive mode, shaking, shaking my head, saying to my girl, 
i cant, i cant, i cant


i did manage to recover after a few minutes, but its because i have gotten very, very good at pretending my mom isnt dead, she is just.... somewhere else right now. 


watching my mom die was the most horrible thing that has ever happened to me. When she became afraid and tried get out of the hospital bed... i will never forget how she looked at me, pleading with her eyes for me to help her and what could I do but tell those stupid fucking nurses to make her comfortable. And they did. They OD'd her on ativan. They had already overlooked severe sepsis that had been going on for months as we took her over and over again to the ER and to Dr.'s appointments. She had been successfully managing Non Alcoholic Cirrhosis for 4 or 5 years, and when she started to feel bad they wouldn't admit her to the hospital. She paid over $400 a month for insurance... why???? why???!!!


She began wasting away... starving, wasting... the day she went by ambulance to the hospital, i was so happy because i thought, a ha! they can't turn her away now. they HAVE to let her in. And they did, and then they overdosed her on top of not properly diagnosing her sepsis. And do you think the overdose was listed on her medical report? Of course not.


I'm so angry I can't even begin to process it. I can't fight it because I am so tired, so so tired...


And all her loving brothers and sisters could say is, "how nice that she got to slip away," and "don't you dare cut her open for autopsy," and "it's really better this way" 


Last I checked, THEIR mom had already died. how dare they say these things after YEARS of not being around me... Like 15 or more years for some of them...


And every time my sister would post to facebook, "Mama's in heaven singing and laughing" I just want to punch her in her stupid face. It isn't funny. It isn't cliche, at least, not to me. I hate that stuff, like painting over it with fake words makes it any better. it just makes me MAD.


Sigh. I apologize for the rant. I guess seeing mom today really rattled me. It's so unfair. 


Thanks again, you guys, for listening.

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Hi Ashley ( ikaros)

I'm glad you decided to post. It's nice to know you are still around and occasionally come to this forum. If anytime you post i will always answer. I have been wondering how you are. I also have a few videos of my mum but i find it too upsetting to watch them, it's the same with the photos i have of her. Some days it doesn't seem real to me that my mum is gone. I often find myself thinking ( how can she possibly be gone. It's not real it can't be. ) Watching our mother die is i feel the worst possible experience. How can anything be worse than that !!. I definitely agree with you that people can say some fucking stupid things. I have a nosy neighbour that insisted on visiting my mum in her last week of life and i absolutely resent her for that. It was our time left together not fucking hers. She even went so far as saying to my mum ( you know if you don't eat you don't **** and if you don't **** you die ). I was so fucking angry i wanted to punch her. Fancy saying that to a person who is dying and knows they are dying. She was always trying to insert herself into peoples lives wether they liked it or not. After my mum died she was annoying the hell out of me with texts and i was so rude i told her to leave me alone that i wanted time to myself. I still resent her now even though in her mind she was trying to help. I'm the sort of person that likes solitary and peace and quiet and i feel trapped by people invading my space.

I'm sorry you are feeling bad, but rant all you like on here as often as you need. I hope you come back soon Ashley .

Thinking of you

love Lisak.

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Grief is like being trapped under tons of rubble

buried so deep in it like being in a bubble

you try and climb out piece by piece

but sink even further by the feelings that won't cease


Bit by bit you try and climb out

no one hears you cry or hears you shout

down you fall all over again

trapped below with so much pain


All around you is dark and cold

there's nothing left for you to hold

you finally surrender to this place

knowing you won't get out of this space


You ask the Lord above

to take you to his place of love

to be freed from this pain

and so I can be with my mother again

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You've captured the essence of grief, Lisa--entrapment. 


Even on happier days, we still can't help thinking about our moms. We still see so many of the places  we associate w/ them: when I'm reading on my ipad, taking notes, I remember being in the hospital with mom doing the same.  


It's scary to think that as terrible as it was to have her there, it still beats having no mom to see, period. After all, there was always the hope that she would improve. 


And so here I sit, besieged on all sides by memories of mom ...mom doing grocery shopping, mom window-shopping with me in London, mom and I walking down 5th Avenue in NYC, boarding the train back home, mom in rehab...I miss her so much. 

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Lisa, it's truly amazing with you and your poetry. I love it! It really describes exactly how I and most or all of us feel.


Love it. Love it. Love it.

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Thanks MSN , I have never written poetry in my life until my mum died.It's a way for me to get out what I feel as I have always struggled to open up to people, I just can't do it.

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