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My brother died of a heroine OD in 1999 will the pain go away?


chandracz

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My older brother by (14 months) died of a heroine OD on June 2, 1999.  He had been battling it for quite some time.  He finally lost the battle and ended up dieing alone in a car.  I don't know if he was in pain when he died or if he was scared.  I have a lot of guilt because I couldn't help him.  Tommy never did anything without me.  I learned to drive first (even tho he was older).  I was the older one mentally.  I always took care of him.  He was my best friend.  When he died I felt like how is he going to go to heaven without me there with him.  Ever since his death i've had horrific graphic nighmares that I can't get to go away.  He's always alive in the but dieing or going to die.  A couple of times he's pulled me into the grave with him.  I don't know that i've grieved fully for him, although my therapist thinks I have.  I feel lost without him.  He has left me basically an only child.  I have a half sister that I have found from my mom's first marriage but she is my biological father's daughter.  She isn't all that interested in having a relationship.  My step brother doesn't want a relationship with me.  The only person in the world who was always there for me is gone and i've never been able to get over it.  Can someone help me with this????  It's effecting my relationships.  My mom isn't the same since he died.  She won't do things with me.  I also have anger towards my brother that I can't let go of.  Why he allowed heroine to get the better of him.  If someome has advice i'd appreciate it.  I'm a first time poster and first timer to this forum.  Thank you for listening to my rant.  I know i'm all over the place right now. 

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i feel the same way i am losing my only sister left alive to drugs and have been for many years now she is 49 -

i am sorry for your loss and your pain - i also lost my mother who was my soul mate and best friend and my everything in life on june 6th 2007

 

i am in deep grief also --  i take super strong depression meds or i wouldnt still be here -- Hugs

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Hi,

I received your private message and I have to tell you that it touched me more than words can say.  Not only did it touch me but it helped to give me some peace.  I have it saved on my home desktop and read it just about everyday.  I'm so sorry it took me so long to get back to you.  I've had a lot going on in my life lately.  I work a full time job and also sell AVON on the side, so I stay very busy.  Thank you so very much for taking time out to write that letter to me.  You don't know how much you helped me.  With your permission I'd like to bring it to my therapists office (keeping you annoymous of course) and have her pass some of your words on.  I feel your words can really help others too!  Thanks again and I'll be in touch!

Hugs!

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I'm sorry I don't remember the e-mail I sent you.  Could you please copy it and forward it to me or just remind me what I said.  I'm Sorry. 

I hope you are well.

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Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family

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Chad,

I am not a theripest ..but I think we can all tell you are not done grieving. Your brother was always with you, his whole life and now he is not. It doesn't make sense to me that you would be done grieving a life time of friendship and love in 11 years. I lost my brother who is two years younger than me....I expected him to be there to share my life with me...for the rest of my life. He drwoned in front of me and my other brother at his 30th B-day party...in a kids pool. We thought he was joking..so we let him be until it was to late. I still feel guilty...why didnt I just check to make sure he was okie...I didnt even think of it until it was to late. August 25 2001...this happened it has been ten years...I couldnt sleep without help for years..night mares and thoughts when I was trying to go to sleep. My brother Billy..I belive he knew he was going to die...becuase he told us. But we couldnt accept it. I can tell you that the first 5 years were the worst...but through even those years it has gotten easier to take with a lot of hard work and tiers...I've cried oceans. But I still cry, it still hurts and at times I still ask why.

Cathy

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