moving forward

[lastlove19]

its going on 3 years since Vincent died and moving on has proved to be my biggest challenge.  i finally had my break down, i was on my way to school and have a huge feeling of sadness and lonely. all those  terrible feeling started to come back. i passed my school up and felt a little crazy but i was talking to myself trying to snap myself out of this. i felt my self falling in the black hole and i didn't want that. i drove by the apartments where he lived. i knew i wouldn't fins him there or see his truck  but i felt like i needed to go there. then i drove to where he wrecked and broke down completely. crying on the side of the street. i got out of my car and walked to the telephone pole he hit. then i just sat down, pulled my legs to my chest and coverd my face with my arms and cried, screamed, yelled. that was my lowest moment. i'm not sure how long a sat there but began to pray to GOD to  take this terrible pain away. I cant live like this anymore, I refused to keep living this way. After i pulled myself together i walked back to my car. i prayed, and gave GOD everything that was in my heart and ever since i have  had a sence of PEACE. thank you GOD for listening to me! XOXo

[susanbruce]

God is with you.

I can totally relate to your breakdown. It's just past 3 years for me. The first year I walked around in a daze I think, the second year - reality hit me right in the face. That was the toughest.

I don't feel like I will ever be over it, it's always going to hurt. I just can't forget. I can say this though - it's easier to deal with as time goes by.

 

[cheryl36]

Hello ladies, I am Cheryl, and I am no stranger to this site, infact I feel as though I am somewhat a vetaren here.  I was 34 when I lost my Scott ( he was 38).  I lost him in November of 2004.  Yes we are coming up on 5 years and Ironically today was his birthday.  I still to this very day have ups and downs, though they are not a severe (panic attacks) they still come, and most of the time its when I hear a certain song, or a joke and I just  lose it.  I feel compelled to tell you ladies this because there are so many emotions that you go through (as I am still going through) sometimes to the point you think your crazy.  The road has been long and very hard, but it has gotten easier, when you have children, you have to dig deep down inside yourself, and find God as well to help.  Now I can look back and see what I have been able to accomplish without my Scott.  I am shocked at how much I have done on my own.  I never thought I would ever be with another man again, though my Scott told me he wanted me to go on with my life and be happy,  This past Easter I did remarry, and the man I married, his sister has been my best friend for 14 years, so we knew each other very well, and he was aware of my breakdowns, and man I sure had them.  Now I just cry real hard for about a day, maybe once every once in awhile.  Everyone grieves differently, and just because I remarried, does not in any way make me not miss my Scott and love him..I have often longed for my Scott, and my husband now is okay with this.  He told me not so long ago that he admired me for memorializing him in everything I do and how devoted, even in death I am to my Scott.  I'm not trying to give any advice I was just trying to share a bit of my grieving in the hopes it will help someone else.  If I were to give any advice, it would be to tell you to find God and have or restore your relationship with him.  Sometimes I just talk to him as if he were standing right in front of me, God and I are close, but it didn't come easy for me, and it definitely didn't appen over night.  Once I just couldn't withstand the pain of my loss, I just looked straight up and said to the lord "God I just can't do this anymore, not by myself, its just to much for me to bare anymore, you have to take this from me".  I am not a patient person by any means, and it took a long time and many, many conversations with the lord before I started to see the changes, at first they were subtle changes, but looking back now, the lord did more for me than I ever asked for.   I'm sorry I surely don't mean to preach, and I am not an overly religious person, I  haven't ever read the bible,  and I don't mean to offend anyone.  I just wanted to share this with you in the hopes that you will get something out of this and it will help you.   Thanks for reading.

Cheryl

[cheryl36]

Hello ladies, I am Cheryl, and I am no stranger to this site, infact I feel as though I am somewhat a vetaren here.  I was 34 when I lost my Scott ( he was 38).  I lost him in November of 2004.  Yes we are coming up on 5 years and Ironically today was his birthday.  I still to this very day have ups and downs, though they are not a severe (panic attacks) they still come, and most of the time its when I hear a certain song, or a joke and I just  lose it.  I feel compelled to tell you ladies this because there are so many emotions that you go through (as I am still going through) sometimes to the point you think your crazy.  The road has been long and very hard, but it has gotten easier, when you have children, you have to dig deep down inside yourself, and find God as well to help.  Now I can look back and see what I have been able to accomplish without my Scott.  I am shocked at how much I have done on my own.  I never thought I would ever be with another man again, though my Scott told me he wanted me to go on with my life and be happy,  This past Easter I did remarry, and the man I married, his sister has been my best friend for 14 years, so we knew each other very well, and he was aware of my breakdowns, and man I sure had them.  Now I just cry real hard for about a day, maybe once every once in awhile.  Everyone grieves differently, and just because I remarried, does not in any way make me not miss my Scott and love him..I have often longed for my Scott, and my husband now is okay with this.  He told me not so long ago that he admired me for memorializing him in everything I do and how devoted, even in death I am to my Scott.  I'm not trying to give any advice I was just trying to share a bit of my grieving in the hopes it will help someone else.  If I were to give any advice, it would be to tell you to find God and have or restore your relationship with him.  Sometimes I just talk to him as if he were standing right in front of me, God and I are close, but it didn't come easy for me, and it definitely didn't appen over night.  Once I just couldn't withstand the pain of my loss, I just looked straight up and said to the lord "God I just can't do this anymore, not by myself, its just to much for me to bare anymore, you have to take this from me".  I am not a patient person by any means, and it took a long time and many, many conversations with the lord before I started to see the changes, at first they were subtle changes, but looking back now, the lord did more for me than I ever asked for.   I'm sorry I surely don't mean to preach, and I am not an overly religious person, I  haven't ever read the bible,  and I don't mean to offend anyone.  I just wanted to share this with you in the hopes that you will get something out of this and it will help you.   Thanks for reading.

Cheryl

[cheryl36]

Hello ladies, I am Cheryl, and I am no stranger to this site, infact I feel as though I am somewhat a vetaren here.  I was 34 when I lost my Scott ( he was 38).  I lost him in November of 2004.  Yes we are coming up on 5 years and Ironically today was his birthday.  I still to this very day have ups and downs, though they are not a severe (panic attacks) they still come, and most of the time its when I hear a certain song, or a joke and I just  lose it.  I feel compelled to tell you ladies this because there are so many emotions that you go through (as I am still going through) sometimes to the point you think your crazy.  The road has been long and very hard, but it has gotten easier, when you have children, you have to dig deep down inside yourself, and find God as well to help.  Now I can look back and see what I have been able to accomplish without my Scott.  I am shocked at how much I have done on my own.  I never thought I would ever be with another man again, though my Scott told me he wanted me to go on with my life and be happy,  This past Easter I did remarry, and the man I married, his sister has been my best friend for 14 years, so we knew each other very well, and he was aware of my breakdowns, and man I sure had them.  Now I just cry real hard for about a day, maybe once every once in awhile.  Everyone grieves differently, and just because I remarried, does not in any way make me not miss my Scott and love him..I have often longed for my Scott, and my husband now is okay with this.  He told me not so long ago that he admired me for memorializing him in everything I do and how devoted, even in death I am to my Scott.  I'm not trying to give any advice I was just trying to share a bit of my grieving in the hopes it will help someone else.  If I were to give any advice, it would be to tell you to find God and have or restore your relationship with him.  Sometimes I just talk to him as if he were standing right in front of me, God and I are close, but it didn't come easy for me, and it definitely didn't appen over night.  Once I just couldn't withstand the pain of my loss, I just looked straight up and said to the lord "God I just can't do this anymore, not by myself, its just to much for me to bare anymore, you have to take this from me".  I am not a patient person by any means, and it took a long time and many, many conversations with the lord before I started to see the changes, at first they were subtle changes, but looking back now, the lord did more for me than I ever asked for.   I'm sorry I surely don't mean to preach, and I am not an overly religious person, I  haven't ever read the bible,  and I don't mean to offend anyone.  I just wanted to share this with you in the hopes that you will get something out of this and it will help you.   Thanks for reading.

Cheryl

[cheryl36]

Hello ladies, I am Cheryl, and I am no stranger to this site, infact I feel as though I am somewhat a vetaren here.  I was 34 when I lost my Scott ( he was 38).  I lost him in November of 2004.  Yes we are coming up on 5 years and Ironically today was his birthday.  I still to this very day have ups and downs, though they are not a severe (panic attacks) they still come, and most of the time its when I hear a certain song, or a joke and I just  lose it.  I feel compelled to tell you ladies this because there are so many emotions that you go through (as I am still going through) sometimes to the point you think your crazy.  The road has been long and very hard, but it has gotten easier, when you have children, you have to dig deep down inside yourself, and find God as well to help.  Now I can look back and see what I have been able to accomplish without my Scott.  I am shocked at how much I have done on my own.  I never thought I would ever be with another man again, though my Scott told me he wanted me to go on with my life and be happy,  This past Easter I did remarry, and the man I married, his sister has been my best friend for 14 years, so we knew each other very well, and he was aware of my breakdowns, and man I sure had them.  Now I just cry real hard for about a day, maybe once every once in awhile.  Everyone grieves differently, and just because I remarried, does not in any way make me not miss my Scott and love him..I have often longed for my Scott, and my husband now is okay with this.  He told me not so long ago that he admired me for memorializing him in everything I do and how devoted, even in death I am to my Scott.  I'm not trying to give any advice I was just trying to share a bit of my grieving in the hopes it will help someone else.  If I were to give any advice, it would be to tell you to find God and have or restore your relationship with him.  Sometimes I just talk to him as if he were standing right in front of me, God and I are close, but it didn't come easy for me, and it definitely didn't appen over night.  Once I just couldn't withstand the pain of my loss, I just looked straight up and said to the lord "God I just can't do this anymore, not by myself, its just to much for me to bare anymore, you have to take this from me".  I am not a patient person by any means, and it took a long time and many, many conversations with the lord before I started to see the changes, at first they were subtle changes, but looking back now, the lord did more for me than I ever asked for.   I'm sorry I surely don't mean to preach, and I am not an overly religious person, I  haven't ever read the bible,  and I don't mean to offend anyone.  I just wanted to share this with you in the hopes that you will get something out of this and it will help you.   Thanks for reading.

Cheryl

[cheryl36]

sorry this letter posted so many times I didn't hit the send button once, so it must be a computer error