The times when the pain hits the hardest

[kirksdad]

I am going on 9 years into this journey and the pain hits the hardest when I have to watch as a friend endures the same unthinkable tragic experience that I had to endure.  I teach and my para just lost her little girl in a tragic car accident.  She works with me and one of my classes and I have her daughter in class, not the one that was just killed, but her sister who was in the accident, also, and has a broken back.  The father was driving, it is not a sure thing that he will make it and my para is in critical condition.  I had to read a statement this morning about the death of her 10 year old daughter and I was hardly able to get through it.  I had one kid in class that might have remembered Kirk, we were all crying and it is just like reliving it all over again.

I remember the heavy weight the depression and how it consumed my life.  This feeling that I have right now isn't as great as it was with Kirk's death, but, boy, I sure can remember what it all felt like with the way I am feeling now.  I wish I have never had to experience this and know what a parent has to go through.  I can't imagine my friend's feelings, her injury along with her grief, it is just too over whelming to even have to think about, but as one that has experienced the death of a child, I am being overwhelmed myself.

As we talked about it this morning as a faculty I listened as other recounted experiences with friends or family and it struck me how completely oblivious they were to exactly what happens to a parent when a child is taken from them.  One even talked about a cousin who seemed to get over it after a while, but never mentions her child.  Uh, all I could say is a parent never gets over it.  A parent may get through it a little, but it is a daily pain that can lessen with time and help, but never goes away.

I like to think I have handled my son's death with a little dignity, a little growth, but when something like this happens I find myself wanting to crawl into bed and hide away from it all for a few days. 

I guess I will try my best to at least give her my support, some guidance into what life will be like, and work on getting myself back to the new "normal".   That new "normal" seems to break apart when something like this happens.  It seems to happen way to frequently.

God, I wish this had never happened, I wish my son was still here, and I was as oblivious as the people I was talking to this morning.

Just needed to vent.  Jim

[lolynbo]

JIM,

I NO, MY SISTER WAS TELLING ME OF A YOUNG GIRL KOURTNEYS AGE GOING THRU THE SAME DEAL /TYPE OF BRAIN CANCER...SAME PLACE SAME SURGERIES...AND I JUST CRY....I AM NOT A NEGATIVE PERSON BUT HER FAMILY IS GOING THRU THE HELL AND ROLLERCOASTER AS WE DID AND SHE WILL PROB NOT MAKE IT, I WAS WONDERING HOW MANY PPL SAW US AND SAID "SHE ISNT GOING TO MAKE IT THERE IS NO HOPE?"

IT HORRIBLE SEEING PPL LOSE THERE CHILDREN AND BECOME MEMBERS OF THIS UNPOPULAR CLUB NO ONE WANTS TO BE IN..

THINKING OF YOU AT YOUR TIM JIM....BE STRONG

[bjsmom]

Jim, i am so sorry, sorry to hear about all this pain that some parents must endure. It sometimes get to be too much, more especially when it comes to our children. I know the "oblivious" you are speaking of. I too was that way before losing my 19yr old son. I incredibly NEVER thought this could happen, never thought it could actually happen to my family. Even after hearing or seeing parents that went through all this, it never "hit" me, even then. Maybe people are unable or incapable of grasping the true heartfelt pain of the loss of a child, unless it actually happens to them personally. I believe this may be so. But, when you really think about things, do parents want to know this feeling if they don't have to? I believe it's an immunity that we are all born with, that is, unless it happens. I realize that one day my heart will ease some; the pain, aching & yearning for my son will be less. Right now i truly don't want this pain to stop. It's a fear that i have for many reasons, reasons that probably make no sense at all but to only me. It's now been almost 6 months, 6 months since i talked to my son, saw his beautiful face. I still cannot believe it. Going outside my house is very difficult for me now, seeing all the people, seeing their stares & reading their thoughts. Knowing that they really don't understand my life now, without my son. Knowing that although i'm sure they feel sorrow for me, they have not a clue. They are the lucky ones. May they never know!

Jim, if you feel the need to talk, to let things out, please come back & share. It seems that most post on "the loss of an adult child". Someone is always here to listen. May you find some peace, Deneace (BjsMom)