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Today is the annivesary of my son's death


doreenc

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I'm not sure why this second anniversary death seems worse than the first. The pain feels almost as if it just happened.

Any insight why this is this way on the second anniversary?

Sincerely,

Doreen

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Hi Doreen,

 

I am so sorry that you are again experiencing the terrible pain from the loss of your precious son.  I will be coming up on 2 years next week so I cannot shed any light on the reason.

 Looking back at the first year , I do believe i was numb and just going thru the motions for many, many months.  This year, the feeling of  loss has been very real and "Forever" seems like such a long time. 

I come here because friends and family think that I have "recovered" and do not understand.  You will find many parents who will support you  here on the" Loss of the Adult Child Board."

Praying for your peace.

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azsummer2003

I have no sage advice to offer. It's been nearly 4 years for me and it feels like yesterday.  I'm afraid I'm not coping well. *sigh*  I think much of it has to do with the fact that Taylor and i were really close and we talked all the time about him going to college, and what it would be like for him to get married and all.  We both loved each other so much and I was looking forward to a life with  him.  Now I have no one and it kills me.  I'm sorry, I know that is not what you wanted to hear. 

If you have a website for him, please post it so we can all visit.   I suppose knowing you are not alone is one way of getting through it.  This is a very supportive place. Could you tell us more about your son?

Lori B

www.TaylorBurgstahler.memory-of.com

 

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Doreen

I have heard that the second year is worse then the first from many people in our situation.  They tell me that the first year is a blur and the second year reality sets in that our beloved children are really not coming back.

I am 10 months into this journey, and I can tell you I still cannot believe Brian is gone.

The third year is suppose to be when we really start getting our feet under us.

Hang in there, Doreen, time does heal, but time takes a long time.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

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Dear Hotrod Mom, Lori and Colleen:

Thank you for your words of support and encouragement. It has helped me tremendously. I am for the first time in years not feeling so alone and isolated in this journey. And yep, it's hard when people think you should be "over it".

As far as the first year, I was numb as you describe and this year the reality is setting in harshly.

I am equally saddened by your losses. All of your sons look like such beautiful people. I can tell they had loving and caring parents.

I don't have a memorial page set up yet. And when I'm feeling a little better, I will write about my son in more detail.

Hugs to All of You,

Doreen

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azsummer2003

Ok Doreen,

Just take it easy and know that we actually "Get" what you are going through.  Also, through emails and telephone calls you will begin to feel as though you are not alone.  Hang in there, we're here if you need us.

Lori B.

www.TaylorBurgstahler.memory-of.com

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tanmanmymagicman

Lori, I know I have looked at your son's site before; but I did again today and can I just tell you HOW AWESOME it is....these anti-depressants that I am no make me kind of unemonialess; good/bad; but I feel like crying and the tears are there. the music and all....the poems......so true.  my Tanner; 2 years this August; it is such a darn struggle to live without him....the prom was this weekend; his senior prom; limos and seeing his friends everywhere; my 21 year old daughter crying and that is what hurts the most...........I understand your words. God why did you not take me and leave my son; I know my son would of had a hard time; but it would be something everyone could accept. Losing a 16year old son; Our family including my 7 year old grandson are still struggling and we know its nothing we can fix or he will never be back........OK well I am crying now.........Your son ; I am so so sorry.  I have my sanity because of this site; I relate to everyone and everyone has been so much help to me;  Its scholarship time and as I am looking through the applications I am thinking ; OK TANNER; help mom here; who would you want????????????????????

Blessings to everyone;  1 year , 2 years, 3 years???????????? It will always be the same; I will not get to see my son grow to 6'2 as predicted; ..............

Cindy; Tanner's Mama Gama(who loves and misses her baby boy beyond any earthly words)

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Cindy

Good to see you posting.  I have been thinking of you.  Both ur boys would have graduated this year.  Both our boys were 16 when they passed.

I too am sooo sad.

Usually, my job keeps me so busy, I can re-direct my thoughts, but today, I cannot.

I think about how different my life would be if Brian were still alive.  I know that is a dead-end street, but I cannot help but camp-out there sometimes.

The court hearings are over, all the memorial benches have been placed (except for our church) and Brian's classmates are spreading their wings to fly and make something of themselves.

Cindy, are you going to the reunion?  I would really love to see you there?  How far is MN for you?

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

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tanmanmymagicman

Hi there Colleen, I am here almost everyday; I need the support and I feel close to everyone that posts on this site.

No reunion for me......its scary but I get anxiety attacks if I get too far away from home for too long; even babysitting if my daughter tells me 5 hrs and she is gone 6 hrs I am almost in tears wanting the comfort of my home........ Also its a long way for me to go; I'm hoping you guys get enough though so I can read about it all. 

You never know though I am the kind of person that if they are still going to have it I would wait to see how I am doing and then go.........I guess I am afraid to make long term plans........ like normal people..........

Also, that's what I have been telling you about Brian and my Tanner; both 16; both being reckless with the precious life that we entrusted them to take care of........I told Tanner more than once that I took care of myself while I was pregnant with him and I took good care of him as a child so to please take care of himself for me............and this is what I got...........

My husband has been out of work; he works for a union and is in construction and we live in California so what does that tell you.....We are hoping some works breaks lose soon.....He gets very edgy and impatient and talks out loud to himself so I can hear and it about drives me crazy......otherwise my notary business is going OK???? for starters and I got an extension on my unemployment so we are staying afloat.....I will give it to you guys and gals that work full time, maybe because I am older and as an escrow officer my business has pretty much been eliminated; BUT honestly I could not do the 8-5 or 8-6 or 8-7 workdays anymore......We will sell our house and move if we have too.....good to have equity; even in California.....enough of me for now.  \

Take care Colleen; glad Marcia is going and everyone else.  I love you guys.

Cindy; Tanner's Mama Gama

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homeschoolmom

Oh Cindy, my heart goes out to you.  I wish I was right there to give you the biggest hug.  Please know that you are not alone, and we are holding you close in our hearts and sending warm, loving thoughts your way.  Hang in there...the darkest part of the night is just before dawn.  Praying that the warmth and light of wonderful memories will banish the dark of doubt and despair.  I am trying to learn the art of gratitude- each time I have one of those "I wish..." or "I will never..." I try to replace them with "I got to see...with Rohan." "I got to do...with Rohan."  I loved him, and he loved me.  Tanner loved you...I can't remember at 16 that I was that concerned about what my mom thought or said...shoot, I thought I knew it all.  Ask my husband, he'll tell you I still think that.:P  He was out having fun... never for one minute thinking he would pay the ultimate price.  I am so very sorry, and wish I could just wipe the pain away.  He is always with you, wherever you may go, just not in a physical sense.  You will see him again, and for now...take care of yourself, and be kind to you!

Shelly, Rohan's mom

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tanmanmymagicman

Shelly for being so new to this life called grief; you give good advise; I appreciate you writing to me and caring.....I really am doing OK; I did not think I could live without my Tanner and now its been 20 months and I am still here and actually do have good times; just don't look forward to much or get too excited......... Bless you so very much.  Your letter meant alot to me......I feel I am selfish on this board as I don't post too often just when something really strikes me too.

Much love and caring; Cindy; Tanner's Mama Gama........I miss you baby boy......

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Shelly

I agree with Cindy, for being so new to this terrible jouney, you are so insightful and the words roll onto the page and sing to me.

You have a gift - the gift of putting words to a page and making them into a symphony.

That you for being her and talking with us.

I really need you

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

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johnnysmama

Doreen

I just passed the 2 yr mark myself after losing my 21 year old son in March,2007. I think the second year is so tough as the reality of them being gone hits home. hard. Also, people go on and think you should by now, too.

Take care and know I KNOW how you feel.

Peace and hugs,

Kay

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Thank you Kay.

Your understanding and thoughtful words mean more than you could know. I have kept myself isolated for 2 years, hiding my pain and distancing myself from loved ones (except my son and daughters). No one seemed to understand and everyone wants to put a short time line on my grief.

So, sorry for the loss of your son, Johnny. What a hero he looks like.

Hugs,

Doreen

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johnnysmama

Doreen

Glad to talk to you anytime. We talk a lot on the loss of an adult child forum and would welcome you there with open arms. Some there are new losses, some are 5 years...some were babies, some adults. Doesnt matter we all have lost our child and need the support.

How old was your son? He has a fun smile.

My son was active duty in the army, bought a motorcycle when he turned 21 and ran into the back of a semi 2 weeks later. Now i try to live my new normal life-a day at a time. I know you understand.

Take care and join us there if you like. We are kindof a family there and we dont put a timeline on anyone-we are there together after experiencing the greatest loss. We never tire of hearing about each others children and lives.

Take care

Kay

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OK, I will start going to that forum.

My son was 28 when passed and a father of two beautiful children, which we also lost contact with a few months after Stephen's death. Their mother remarried, had  another baby and disappeared. From what I hear her own family can not find her and a father of her third child has hired a PI in an attempt to find his own daughter.

Thank you for commenting on my son's smile. He was known for his big friendly smiles and deep kindness and appreciation of life that went behind those smiles. When I have dreams of him, sometimes he's just there, saying nothing and just smiling ear to ear.

So sorry to hear about Johnny's tragic motorcycle accident. But, what a hero. You must be quite proud of him.

Thank Again Kay. Thanks for asking about Stephen.

And I will meet up with everyone in the adult child forum.

Hugs and Blessings,

Doreen

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