Members want2talk Posted April 7, 2009 Members Report Share Posted April 7, 2009 Not exactly to the day, but in that time frame. It seemed after just a couple weeks, people expected me to be over it. To this day, it makes everyone horribly uncomfortable if I bring it up. I would say that I was numb to it all for about the first half year or so, maybe a bit more. Each month since then, it's gotten worse and worse, and all of the feelings have rushed in on me. It's overwhelming. And all I want is for my friends that I love so much to CARE about me, to ask me if I'm okay, because I'm not.I'm 25 now, was 24 when my dad passed away just days before Christmas. He was sick for over 10 years with congested heart failure, and my whole family struggled with it over the years. He suffered often, especially in the very end. Going through life without a father is such an awkward reality. It's basically my mom and I now, which is a blessing, but it's not easy. Our extended family leave a lot to be desired, so I feel as if I don't really have a family to come home to once I move. I take care of my mom now for the most part, but am hoping to move soon and set up services to help her with groceries, cooking, appointments. She still works, thankfully. And yesterday, we got great news at her doctor's check-up that she's doing well. That's a relief.But it's me, the only child, trying to figure out how to get through this world now with a family of two...my mom and I. My dad will not be there to walk me down the aisle, meet his grandchildren, see me grow older. Yet somehow, I'm supposed to be past this.Initially, it seems that close friends, loved ones, did all the typical "right" things. They sent cards, some sent flowers, my best friend even came to the viewing, which touched me more than I could ever, EVER express to anyone. It meant the world to me. But now, no one is there for me. I'm deeply, deeply depressed and well into the grieving "process," but no one will help me, no matter what I say or how much I call out for help. It's hurting me badly. I don't know why the friends I love most in this world can't discomfort themselves just a bit to reach out to help me. I hurt every day. It hurts even more because on top of trying to grieve and mourn, I'm in pain because aside from my mom, no one is there for me or us.I just don't get it. I'd move mountains to be there for those that I love. I'd probably move mountains to be there for someone I barely even know. So I'm left feeling forgotten, unimportant, insignificant. And it bothers me that this almost overshadows my need to grieve right now, because I don't have the support to move through this. Why won't anyone help me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members butterfly13 Posted April 7, 2009 Members Report Share Posted April 7, 2009 I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time-but it is normal the way you are feeling!!My dad died 7yrs.ago and I remember none of my friends really were there for support.My best friend would change the subject if I brought up my dad,but than-10months later her dad died and all of a sudden she knew the pain I was feeling.My mom died 10months ago today,and now I'm experiencing the same thing-everyone changes the subject when I want(need)to talk about her.You are still so young so I'm guessing alot of friends haven't yet experienced the loss of a parent,and I feel like they most likely are oblivious to the pain you are feeling.Sad to say,but I don't think they will "get it"until they go through the same thing.I'm glad that your moms check-up went well,I'm sure that she appreciates all that you have done to help her,she is lucky to have you.I will keep you in my prayers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members want2talk Posted April 13, 2009 Author Members Report Share Posted April 13, 2009 Thank you for your kind words and for speaking up. I don't know what to say aside from the fact that it's getting worse and it's getting harder all the time. I have no friend support, and it's eating away at me. My mother and I are at odds constantly. I can't decide if I'm grieving my father's death, or my own life that is forever changed. And I hate that. I feel so selfish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bluestarburn24 Posted April 20, 2009 Members Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 i understand what your going throw my mom started dateing oyher men not even 8 weeks after my dad died i dont understand that thay were married 27 years and she hasnt sayed two words to me sents we baried hem i feel so alone hurt mad and lost i hope it gets better becouse im takeing it out on the ones i love and im not trying to Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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