My daughter has gone

[wendybloom]

Hiya my 12 year old daughter Shannon was killed in a very public riding accident in january 2008.

She was buried in a small village near our home with over 600 mourners there it was incredible, there was alot of media coverage for the first few weeks. Then everything went quiet people even friends stopped contacting me, it seemed as tho they were all beginning to live again and I was left alone to grieve.

Its getting harder not easier my life is in turmoil, and I dont know who I am anymore, ive lost my job, Ive turned into a paranoid Jelous person who is pushing her partner away and I am on a slippery slope of self destruction, I have just stopped cutting myself, and am laying off the drink now but my mind has so many thoughts running through it I cannot sleep.

2 weeks after my daughter left me I found out i was pregnant already 6 weeks! My other daughter Hope was born on the 16th October, I am so emotional I love Hope with all my heart but has not eased my pain on losing Shannon. I dont want the pain to stop in a way i dont believe I deserve to be happy, and I hate it when people say Shan would not want you to live like this how do they know? She may want her mummy all these things keep going through my mind.

I just wanted to ask people If i am the only one who is suffering because sometimes it feels like it.

x

[ericasmom]

Wendy, you need to get some help real quickly. You have so much sadness that nobody is adressing. You also have a great deal of caretaking to do with a new baby. Cutting and drinking, inability to sleep are all HUGE signs of deep depression. Self destruction is a sign that there were some other issues in your life before your Girl passed away, so you will have to deal with layers of issues, but you can do it. THe only way through grief is...Through it, not avoiding it or blurring it with other pain and medication. Let a professional help you, and in doing so you will help your daughter who needs a healthy Mum, and your dear Daughter that left here will smile on you as you recover and become all the Momma she loves.

Peace adn goodness,

dee

[no40corysmom]

[user=29230]wendybloom[/user] wrote:

Hiya my 12 year old daughter Shannon was killed in a very public riding accident in january 2008.

She was buried in a small village near our home with over 600 mourners there it was incredible, there was alot of media coverage for the first few weeks. Then everything went quiet people even friends stopped contacting me, it seemed as tho they were all beginning to live again and I was left alone to grieve.

Its getting harder not easier my life is in turmoil, and I dont know who I am anymore, ive lost my job, Ive turned into a paranoid Jelous person who is pushing her partner away and I am on a slippery slope of self destruction, I have just stopped cutting myself, and am laying off the drink now but my mind has so many thoughts running through it I cannot sleep.

2 weeks after my daughter left me I found out i was pregnant already 6 weeks! My other daughter Hope was born on the 16th October, I am so emotional I love Hope with all my heart but has not eased my pain on losing Shannon. I dont want the pain to stop in a way i dont believe I deserve to be happy, and I hate it when people say Shan would not want you to live like this how do they know? She may want her mummy all these things keep going through my mind.

I just wanted to ask people If i am the only one who is suffering because sometimes it feels like it.

x

no..........you're not the only one who suffers, or feels this.......for me, the ONLY thing that gets me through, is knowing that my son is alive........MORE alive than I am, and he is happy, loved and protected from any more evil, hurt or sadness.  I live now, till the Lord calls me home, and til He does, I know I still have more work on this earth to do...... I don't want the pain to stop either, because it keeps it real and focused. Yet I DOknow myh son would NOT want me to focus on that pain, and neither does YHVH, because to focus on the pain makes us LOSE the message that YHVH would give us.............and oh my!!!!!!!!!!!!!  the message He will give........ WILLL aleviate your pain.

Please......Give it to  HIM... He WILL answer........

[ddefrain]

Hi Wendy:

No, your not the only one suffering although we are all in our own private hell for awhile.  I am very new to this pain, (my son Loren, 28 yrs died on January 4th 2009 from head injuries he sustained in a motor vehicle accident on New Year's eve) and realize that there is no "normal" way to grieve, and there is no grief "timeline". Each individual handles grief differently. However, I have to agree with Dee in her posting that you should really consider obtaining some professional guidance with your grief.  I am afraid for you. While these forums are therapuetic and help us to discuss our feelings in a healthy outlet, they are not a replacement for professional intervention when things are as overwhelming as they are for you right now.  There is no shame or blame in admitting that we need help every now and again.  I am not going to add all the cliche's that we all hear so often, but please consider getting some help Wendy for your well being and that of your family. 

Debra

[wendybloom]

Thankyou all so much for your replies, it all makes sense and yes I have thought about professional help if not for my well being but for that of my other children and my partner. I am so angry as must all of you be that OUR children were taken before us.

I always say to people I would like 10 mins in the day when I dont think about what my daughter had to go through when the accident happened. I do have a brilliant doctor who was also with Shan when she died and she said It is like post traumatic stress because I was with Shan when she was fighting for her life/

I will take you up on your advice and have to see that my two remaining children deserve to have a well rounded mum.

Thankyou all for having the time to talk to me when you are obviously in pain yourselves, sorry for your loss. xx