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My Story.....


saadjalu

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Today it has been 3 months since the death of my beautiful 28 yr old daughter Sarah.  Her boyfriend found her the morning of Dec. 9th. She was not breathing and had gone into cardiac arrest.  She was taken to the hospital where they did everything they could but it was not enough.  She spent sixteen days there and ended up dying on December 25th.  The doctor said that she probably had an unknown heart condition that was aggravated by her prescription medicines.  That is all we know......all we will ever know.  She left behind 3 children, 8, 6 and 1.

My heart is broken.  She was such a big part of my everyday life.....we talked everyday, went shopping, out to lunch, etc.  I miss her so much and can't imagine the rest of my life without her.  I know that I will see here again someday but right now that isn't enough.  I want her here.  I constantly relive the horrific days spent in the hospital. Of course, the what if's go on and on.   I think about Dec. 8th (the night before) where I spent the evening at my granddaughters Christmas program and saying goodbye to my Sarah never imagining the call I would get early the next morning.  She had just started a new job and was so excited about that and Christmas and looking forward to her future.  I am so lost and trying to cope.

I have been reading the posts here for awhile and can identify with so many of you.

The fallout from her death has added more pain to the worst pain possible.  Our family has fallen apart.  Her boyfriend (the father of the baby) has decided not to let us be a part of his life.  We were willing to do everything we could for him for Lucas's sake even though we knew he had been abusive to Sarah.  She was planning on getting out of the relationship which was part of the reason she was so excited to get this good job.  I think he realized that I knew too much (Sarah told me everything) and was afraid that we would get the baby if he screwed up which could actually still happen.  He completely did a 180 from the way he was in the hospital and started lying and turning people against my husband and I.  He invited everyone to Lucas's first birthday party in February but us.  But, he is also a crackhead with a horrible anger problem which goes back many years.   Her ex-husband, the father of my other two grandchildren, has been okay.  We can see them quite often but there is concern there as well.

My heart goes out to all of you.  I am so truly sorry for your pain......

Jamie

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heartbeataway

Jamie,

I am so very sorry for your loss!

The three month mark can be challenging ....

Visitors have gone home, cards and calls have pretty much stopped coming in and the numbness is starting to wear off.

And you are still trying to grasp what happened .......

Three months is not very long!

Once you get the results and know the cause, you may feel a little more at ease.

Grandparents have legal rights.  Seek council if you need to.

You may want to join us on "Loss of An Adult Child" forum ....... some of us don't venture far from home.

Take care.  I wish you comfort and sleep and visits with your grandchildren.

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

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Hi Jamie,

I am so very sorry for the sudden losss of your precious daughter , Sarah.  I too read the boards everyday for comfort.  It feels good to be with people who truly understand.  The great loss you feel  and the  devastation to your family is heartbreaking.

 

I lost my only son 22 months ago and I remember only to well how difficult the first year was.Please try to be very gentle with yourself each day.  Come here often, share when you are able and know that you are not alone.

The Picture you posted showed a very happy time  Please try to remember those times as the days pass

I will hold you in my prayers.

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Jamie

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautifull daughter Sarah.  I have a quote for you that I just read in court yesterday, 

"I cannot put my grief into words for it would bankrupt the vocabulary of all the languages."  said by Samuel Clemens (Tom Sawyer).

I could not have said it better myself.  My 16 year old son, Brian was killed while he was car-surfing (he was on the hood of the car and driver went 68 mph and hit a tree).  Died at the scene.

I was not lucky enough to have any grandchildren from Brian, but all I can say is take care of yourself now.  I cannot give advise on the grandchildren thing, but many here can. 

4 months after Brian's death I had one program running through my head "How can a 16 year old die?"  After about 6 months, my brain allowed other programs in, but only for a short time.  Hang in there.

Jamie, visit us often

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

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JAMIE, IM SO SORRY FOR THE LOSS OF YOUR BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER SARAH..IT IS A HELL WE NEVER WAKE UP FROM..PLZ KEEP IN CONTACT WITH US HERE..IT REALLY DOES HELP..AS PITTIFUL AS WE ARE..WE KNOW..IM SORRY I TRUELY AM

MY STORY IS IN MY PROFILE..IF YOU EVER WANT TO READ IT

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Jamie:  I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter, Sarah.  We here understand and know your pain very well, and you will always find comfort and support here.  We all post on Loss of an Adult Child; please join us there whenever you feel comfortable with doing so.  You are in my prayers and thoughts for strength.  My son, Mike, passed on October 14, 2006, from brain cancer...he also left three children, all boys, now 12, 11 and 4, and though the four year old was not quite two when Mike passed, we do all we can to show him parts of his dad's life so he can learn about his dad...we are very fortunate in that we see the older two boys very often and can see Damon (the youngest boy) pretty much whenever we want to.  His mom has been terrific regarding acquainting him with some of his daddy's passions.

Our hearts remain broken, but it really is true that while the pain never leaves us, it does soften over time, and you may eventually get through a day without tears, though they are usually not far in the background.

I don't know if you are ready for it, but I (and many other) have created a memorial website for our child.  If you would like to visit Mike's, the web address is www.james-michael.virtual-memorials.com.  Creating the site was extremely therapeutic for me and the input from Mike's siblings and dad helped them, as well, and continues to do so. 

My heart goes out to you,

love and peace, carol  mikemomrs

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4everjoeysmom

Jamie, I am so sorry for your pain and loss of your beautiful daughter Sarah, and for the additional complicated grief regarding your grandchildren. It shouldn't be this way, and my heart goes out to you. I agree..seek your rights to visit your grandchildren if that becomes necessary. You may be the one influence in their lives that puts Hope into their futures... My prayers go out to you. ~Claudia

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Thank you so much for all of your kind words.  My heart goes out to each and every one of you.......this is a pain no person should ever have to endure. 

It is so hard to imagine that it ever gets easier.  One minute I think that I am getting better at coping and the next I can't imagine my life without her.  My other children seem to be doing much better at continuing on with their lives.  I do realize that parents and siblings cope differently and I know that they loved her dearly.  It is such a shock for all of us and no one is ever prepared.

My Sarah sent me an email a couple of years ago telling me that I was her very best friend and was always there for her and the kids when no one else was.  She said that I was such a strong woman and that my other kids would be too.  I most certainly don't feel strong now and know that the strength to even function is coming from somewhere else or someone else but most definitely not from within me.

I know I should be posting all of this in  "Loss of an adult child" but it just seems so "congested".

Jamie

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Hi Jamie,

I hear you,  I am unable to continously post on the boards but I do read them daily, pray for each and every parent.  I especially enjoy seeing the beautiful pictures of their precious children, including your beautiful daughter Sarah.

You were fortuante to have such a l close friendship with your daughter.  I know that for now the emptiness  feels so profound.  In time it will be a source of great comfort.

Stay here posting as you need and please be gentle with yourself.  I know I could only handle the first year just one moment at a time.  I would decide to do two consructive things in a day,  sometimes it was simply showering and eating.  Going for walks, enjoying the small creatures in the woods gave me great comfort.  Do what feels right for you and come here often and share or just read.

It is very powerful to  know you are not alone.

Praying for you and your family 

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4everjoeysmom

Jamie, post wherever you feel most comfortable. the adult child thread is congested sometimes, woth many random thoughts, but the beauty of it is getting to know everyone there over time and the real sense of "compassionate community" that comes from a new "family" of people who "get it".

I also participate in Biblical-based grief thread (Grief and Healing...) in this Loss of a Child section, and you are welcome to join us there for faith-filled encouragement and dialog as well.

It's so hard. Just know that you don't have to journey through the darkness all alone. There are others who understand and truly care. HUGS!! ~Claudia

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