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Missing my daughter


sonya2008

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I lost my daughter on July 17, 2008 in a single roll over. She swerved to miss a deer. and loss control and when she went through the drivers window. the car rolled on her and  then threw her several feet.  The police said she was 65 feet away the car.

I just can't quit thinking of the accident. she was 18 years old  and always had a smile to share.  She was a friend to everyone she met. she always  looked for the good in people. she loved to hug people she knew. she just got in engaged two weeks before her accident and her boyfriend left July 15 for boot camp and she had her accident on July 16 2008.  she  graduated May 27, 2008. And we were two hours away on vacation. I talked to her at 9:50 and told her to be careful and she said she would, the accident happen at 10:00. My Son called me at 10:30pm and told me that my only daughter Sonya was in a car accident and we needed to get Iowa City,  that it was bad and that she went through the window and my heart dropped. I'm having a real hard time coping with this because i was not here, when she needed me. She was my best friend and i don't know how I'm going to go on without her. She was my youngest, 

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What a beautiful young girl, such a smile....I am so sorry for your loss.  Losing a child, something no one should experience.

Please come often, perhaps on the threads of Loss that are for adult child or teenage child.  Many many other parents can be found there. This is a place where you can come, speak of your beautiful daughter and share your story.  There are a number of mums & dads that have lost there only daughter/son and struggle to understand how to continue on.

Take care of yourself, especially as you have still have your son.  It has been 2 yrs since I lost my eldest boy Micheal.  In that time I know his siblings felt the loss of the mum they knew........

Trudi

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Your daughter is a very beautiful girl, and I am so very sorry for your loss.  The tragedy of losing a child is something that cannot be understood by those who have not experienced it; I so wish that no one in this world ever had the need to understand.  Your pain is felt by all here.  As Trudi mentioned, perhaps you could post on Loss of Adult Child or Loss of a Teenager; the parents here on BI truly understand your pain and are ready to offer comfort and understanding.  Please come and share your lovely daughter with us; we would love to know more about her.

I lost my son, Mike, on Oct 14, 2006, after he fought brain cancer for 17months.  He was 31 years old and has three young boys, 12, 11 and 4.  We miss him more than I could ever put into words. 

love and peace,  carol   mikesmomrs

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WE ARE HERE FOR YOU...I TOO LOST MY BESTFRIEND AND DAUGHTER KOURTNEY LYNN (READ MY PROFILE) ITS SO HARD WHEN THEY WERE/AND ARE A BIG PART OF OUR LIVES..I TOO HAVE OTHER CHILDREN, BUT I DONT HAVE A SPARE KOURTNEY...LOSING HER WAS A HUGE LOSS FOR ALL OF US...AS LOSSING YOUR DAUGHTER IS FOR YALL...I TOO CANT GET THE HOSPITAL NIGHTMARE OUT OF MY HEAD LIKE YOU CAR ACCIDENT...BUT SOMEHOW WE WILL ALL GO ON...WITH EACH OTHERS HELP AND GOD HELPING US..

YOUR DAUGHTER IS ABSOLTELY BEAUTIFUL...IM PRAYING FOR YOUR FAMILY TODAY

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I have had a couple people messaging  me tell to post it in loss of adult child or teenage child and for some reason i don't know how to get it in there. Can you help? What am i do wrong?

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Hello, i believe i know the pain you are in right now as i am experiencing the same. I also lost my son Bj. He had just graduated high school, had just started college and had just turned 19 in Sept. His life had really just begun, yet, it was never to be. He was killed in a car wreck on Nov 9th, 2008. The "other" driver was going 72+++mph in a 45mph zone, my son was driving 12mph as he tried to cross 2 lanes. He died instantly upon impact. The wreck happened right after midnight. I personally have talked to the coroner several times, it was considered a criminal investigation because of the "other" driver so an autopsy was performed; what the coroner has told me makes me break down. I constantly find myself thinking of that horrific night, thinking of all the things that could have been prevented. Wondering if he felt alone, did he feel any pain or did he even know what hit him. Did he call for me, did he even think of me, did he know how much i love him. I can even see his face in my own vision of this reenactment. It hurts so much! I know the pain! Seconds could have made the difference in his life or death. Just 10 seconds given or taken and my son would still be alive & breathing. I hate the weekends now, basically dread 12:15am. I feel it's like a forever haunting curse. I ask myself, "why him"? Why was it not me; i would have gladly went through what he did if a soul was needed. The only answer "i know" is that he was just too beautiful a person for this world.

I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. When all else fails you, we will be here.... (BJsMom)-Deneace

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Sonya's Mom, I am truly heartbroken in your loss, my girl was 19 and died on July 14th 2003, when a train hit her car at a broken crossing, she too was about 2.5 hours away and we had just spoken about a half hour before she was slammed. Erica lived, though never awake, for 5 more days. Like BJ's momma, I wondered for a long time if one minute was differrent, if she stopped to pet a cat, if we stayed ont he phone longer, anything, she might be here, but it wasn't to be. I do believe that for whatever reason, her life, though full, was short, lived well but short. I don't get to know why, I only get to live life in her light, to live my best life for her, to honor her, to love her. I know that right now the pain is too much to bare, but please hang on, drink plenty of water and juice, rest when you can, and know that we arae marching in front of you, some of us years, some just weeks in front of you and you can march then, in our footsteps, our heartbeats, as we guide you as best we can through this time.

 My love,

dee

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Another young life ready to take on the world - interupted in full flight......another broken heart.

If you want to post under Loss of a Child either Adult or Teenager go to the Forums and under Loss of a Child there is a list of headings.  In amongst the various headings you will see Loss of an Adult Child or Loss of a Teenager.  Click on either and you will find groups that provide you with similar experiences, support, empathy, understanding and the space to share your precious child, their life and your story...

Trudi - Mikes mum (Loss of an Adult Child)

 

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Hello to B.j. mom

I am so sorry for your loss. But i sure know the pain you are going through. I feel exactly the same way. wishing it was me instead of her. wondering if a couple minutes would of made a difference. I keep asking my self why,  Are kids should still be here with us. I don't understand why god needed them up there in heaven.

sonya2008-Pat

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Hello Pat(Sonya's mom), i hope that you will come back to BI soon. I also feel the pain, anguish & confusion. Still asking why this had to happen. I hope my son is truly in a better place, where peace is everywhere & pain is nonexistent. My son BJ was so happy just to be alive. He loved to have fun, as if there was nothing else, at that young age of 19. He loved fashionable clothes; Hollister, Abercrombie & AE. He just enjoyed life, particularly his own life. He was just maturing and i was so looking forward to the boy that would turn into the man i knew he could/would become. He was well on his way and had his life goals set. So hard and i just miss him so much. He was my baby and a extension of my heart. Now that the extension is severed, i feel this overwhelming yearning. An ache within me that i have never felt before. I just want to see him again, that's all i want. Life is so unfair and though we were never promised tomorrow, i just never thought this could happen. Not to him, not my BJ. I better sign off, this has been a tough week and i find myself crying constantly. I hope to hear from you again.  BJsMom(Deneace)

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tanmanmymagicman

Deneace; Your son is sooo very handsome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My goodness; How can we have them for 16, 17, 18 19 years and then;.................................... I will write more later; catch up.  thank you for the email;  your friend Cindy; Tanner's Mama Gama; Can't sleep as usual; its almost midnight.  I have so much aniexty at night ; at bedtime.

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I AM SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS.  I AM VERY NEW TO THIS FORUM AND DON'T KNOW HOW TO WORK IT VERY WELL.  I, TOO, LOST A CHILD LAST YEAR.  A BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER, 22.  SHE AND A FRIEND WERE STANDING ON A COUNTRY ROAD AND WERE BOTH HIT AND KILLED.  THE DRIVER TAPPED ON HIS BRAKES AND DROVE OFF.  I HAVE MOMENTS WHERE I STILL THINK SHE WILL BE COMING HOME.  IT IS SO UNBEARABLE LATE AT NIGHT. 

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Hello Naisnaismom

I'm so sorry for your loss, But i know what your going through. I keep telling myself my Sonya is going to walk through the door. but then reality hits me, that she never coming again.  I remember when she would come home and say Mom I'm home. I really miss that and her saying  I love you mom. When people are around i do okay, but at night when I'm by myself i break down alot. I feel that know one knows what i am going through. It's usually people that have never lost a child.  so they have know idea what we are really going through. The holidays were hard but her birthday was the worst. Her birthday was January 20 and i cried all day. couldn't stop.

take care of your self, If you ever need to talk I'm here for you.

(sonya2008)   My Name is Pat

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THANK YOU FOR YOUR REPLY.  I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN ABOUT FEELING LIKE NO ONE KNOWS HOW YOU ARE FEELING.  WE ARE A PART OF A CLUB THAT NO ONE WANTS TO BELONG TO.  YET, HERE WE ARE.  I KNOW, WITH RENEE, IT WAS SUCH A SENSELESS ACCIDENT.  MY HUSBAND AND I GRIEVE DIFFERENTLY SO I SPEND MANY LATE NIGHTS WHILE HE IS SLEEPING.  SOME DAYS I JUST THINK.....SHE IS LIVING OUT OF TOWN......

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Retha, I know what you mean about pretending your daughter is just out of town, we do whatever we have to in order to survive those first few months, you have found a place where everyone understands exactly what you are going through.  In our house I am the one who falls asleep early in the evening and my husband stays up late alot of the time.  He was the one who was always awake when Bethany came home at 11;30 curfew, he waits for her every night, as he has for the last few years. 

Warm Hugs,    Marcia   Bethany's mom forever

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