Jump to content

cant find myself after dads death


ernurse99

Recommended Posts

  • Members

Hi, everyone, it has been awhile since i last was on, it has been 1 yr and almost 2 months since my dads sudden passing after suffering a cardiac arrest, at home. My life has not been the same since, and i dont expect it to be, but i cant seem to get a handle on my life..... i cant remember who i was, or find myself since his passing. i feel like being the youngest of 5 kids and not being married or having children that it has fallen on me to support my mom, and i  have , not regretting anything, but when does anyone ask me how i am doing???? i took on the responsibility of moving home with my mom for the first 4 months after, and dealing with the legalities, and banking and such, but no one has ever asked me if i am ok??? i was the baby of the family and daddys girl, i dont know if they just asume i am strong like a bull and am fine, or scared i will break down if they ask???, i have just recently broke up with my boyfriend (of 8months) and am alone. sometimes i just want to shut down and cry and not leave the house or answer the phone... i dont know what to do... in a way i feel silly asking friends for help because it has been over a year now..... the pain is just as deep and raw, just easier to hide. thanks for listening

sarah

post-19050-128153891748_thumb.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
tanmanmymagicman

sarah, well I hope this helps!!! Let me tell you I lost my dad almost 10 years ago and I thought that was hard; but at that time I was raising a family 4 kids 2 of them teenagers; working full time; and doing it pretty much by myself as my husband worked out of town during the week; Then in Dec. 2006; my mom had not been feeling or looking good; we were worried she was in and out of dr's offices; blood tests etc.  One time I went with her and had a 2 page list to ask the Dr. about my mom and he dismissed almost every question.... Still angry to this day; She died without us know how bad her heart was; Dec. 20th 2006; my sister's birthday; she had not felt well at my daughters house the day before but he did not want to go to the dr. (who can blame her) Big waste of time!!!!!!!!! So I was going to drive her home after work and she was OH NO I am fine I can drive myself; I followed her anyway and she made it and was OK; the next day Dec 20th 2006 I called her after a meeting about 11am; she did not answer; I called my sister and she said she had spoken to our mother about 9:30 and she was feeling fine but said she would go check on her.  My mother lived about 20 minutes away; Well that afternoon about 3:30 my sister calls me at work to tell me she found my mom passed away on the couch.  Sarah I tell you ; my world ended that day;;;;;; I cried day and night for my Mom I still called her Mama;  My job suffered; my kids suffered; I finally went to see a counselor (for what I don't know) all I did was go in there in cry about my mother and tell her all my problems about my young 16 year old son.  Honestly she was very nice and very caring but I can honestly say she did not help me one bit.  OK well this is the hard part; fast forward Aug.7, 2007; my 16 year old son in a rollover accident; he did not make it;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; All of a sudden my mom's death in put in perspective and while I was missing her at this point I WAS REALLY happy she did not have to be here to see me suffer so; see my mom loved my sister and I unconditionally; something NO ONE else will ever do; SO its really hard to lose your mom and dad and the unconditional love they give you.  they love us more than we love ourselves so its natural to grieve such a great loss; But I know my mom would not want me to suffer so while I still tear up for her I had to put it in perspective that it was her time and I think she knew it (I wish my sister and I knew more) we could of been more prepared and not in such a state of shock.  Losing both my mom and dad and now my son ; has changed me; I am more compassionate; I am not shy anymore and will speak up; don't care what people think of me;  Its kinda liberating;  But I hope this helps; suffering from the loss of your mom and dad hurts like hell; I remember telling my counselor; I feel sorry for anyone that has not lost their parents yet; as they do not know how hard it is;  Ya just got to put it in perspective; My mother used to always tell me and my sister; NO TEARS girls;;;;; my sweet loving mom/ I just was so fortunate to have her for my mother and I thank God for my grandparents; my parents and now my son who has gone on before me; and when its my time; LET ME TELL you ; I will be ready as I believe they are waiting for me; short wait for them; Long wait for me; In the meantime I am good to myself; I like myself and take better care of myself;  WHY because my MAMA is gone and I am now a big girl.  Bless you heart so much;;;; I hope life and loss gets lighter for you.  Take care Of yourself;

Cindy; Tanner's Mama Gama

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I went through some pretty similar things please go to

rob-somethingaboutnothing.blogspot.com over an 8 year period i added things i wanted to say to help me deal. Maybe reading it will help you.

Best of luck

Robbie

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
tanmanmymagicman

Robbie I can't find your site?????????????????? Cindy; Tanner's mom??????

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
tanmanmymagicman

Robbie, I have just started reading your dad's site and already I just have comment on the asshole at the airport.  The way I see it that when I come across mean people with no heart and their are ALOT of them that just enforces my thoughts that yes my son was only 16 and your dad oh my mighty young I am almost that old.......we will miss them the rest of our lives BUT they do NOT have to live in this CRUEL world full of people that rob, kill, steal; A great friend just lost her brother Sun. afternoon he was 63 going to retire next year worked hard all his life; someone broke into his home and killed him with an axe; No Robbery Just crazy people; Now this man lived in South Africa but that still sounds crazy to me;  My son; and your dad did not have to die at the hands of another;  But now I want to go back to your blog and figure it all out; I created a password but I really know much more other than your site looks awesome; Yes I also got the call about my mom at work and I crawled under my desk and screamed and cried and then crawled out and jumped around and then crawled back under; they called my husband and my daughter ; I was blessed that it took the coroner so long to get there I got to spend 4 hrs. with my mothers body on the couch.  Mobid maybe; I loved my mother so much as did not realize the depth of my deep love for her and her love and care for me until I lost her that day; December 20, 2006;  Sorry to blah blah blah;;;;;;;;;; Bless you can't wait to get back to your blog;;;;; Your dad raised a great son;  Hope his 2 labs are OK without him; I also have 2 labs;  They make me happy........Tanner's Mom; Cindy MY MOTHERS NAME WAS RUTH ELIZABETH

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
canadakandyce

Oh can I say, your words touched my heart and soul tonight. I lost my mom, y best friend almost two years ago and it isn't getting any easier for me. I thank you as a reader for the first time on this sight. It was my Mom's Birthday february 4, she would have been 68! It helps my soul knowing there are others who can understand my pain, fears, and how much this loss has changed me as a human being!  Kandyce

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
tanmanmymagicman

Kandyce; I am glad my words touched your heart.  My mom and I am sure your mom also would not want us to be so upset that it affects our lives but thats exactly what happened to me; Now 2 years later and in perspective after losing my 16 year old I am once again among the living; I am not the same person but I can say I have happy days;  My mom I sure is happy and my baby boy; my goodess he would also want his mom happy;  So put on a happy face; if not for yourself for your mother;

Cindy; Tanners'Mama Gama"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
canadakandyce

I just had to share this with you. For awhile now I have asking for a sign that my Mom knew what was going on in my life, and well yesturday, I think she gave me one or atleast I hope it was one. I was going in for a dental surgery and I wanted to wear a pair of my Mom's slippers. I picked a fuzzy pair which she had never worn out of her closet. My Father refuses to clean out her closet yet. I wanted her with me as I was pretty nervous. As I went to take the tags off, a shiny penny fell out of one of the slippers onto the floor! I think it was her telling me "good luck" and that she was there for me! I made it through just fine holding onto that penny!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

That's a great story!Yes,it does sound like your mom was there and letting you know that she is still around.I had alot of signs from my mom for the first few months after my mom died-not so much anymore(it's been 8 months).At first,I thought maybe these signs were coincidences,but as they added up I couldn't deny that they had to be from my mom letting me know she is ok!:)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Administrators

[align=center]SAVE THE DATE!![/align] [align=center] [/align] [align=center] [/align] [align=center] We are excited to meet you!! Come join us at the Beyond Indigo Reunion!![/align]  When: August 14th through the 16th,   2009. We suggest you arrive the night of the 13th.

Where: Minneapolis, MN

For Who?: All Beyond Indigo members and people healing from grief and dying journeys. This means YOU! If you know someone who is not a member invite them along!

 We will be having speakers, social networking, opportunities to remember our loved ones and just a plain good time.

 More details (schedule, pictures of the location etc) will follow in the next 7 to 14 days.

 We need at least 25 people to make this event possible. We hope to see as many of you who can make it!!!

 Have questions? Please post in the Beyond Indigo Reunion Forum at  http://beyondindigo.com/forums/view_forum.php?id=83

 

Kelly Baltzell, MA

President

Beyond Indigo

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.