Greetings from Namibia - Africa

[ethansmuffin]

Hello Everyone

Yes it has been a while...today marks 2 months and 18 days since my precious son, Ethan had an accident with his quadbike, and passed on the next day.....to all of you on this forum...thank you....for sharing it really helps to know that we are not alone....We had an ok holiday....all of what you have experience, we had that too...the emotional roller coaster....the sad days....the terrible days....the days you are able to breathe...you normally use those ones to run a few errands....

I am so very sorry to those of you who are new on this journey, my heart goes out to you....this is the right place, here you will get understanding, and comfort, and you will realise that you are not MAD......what you are feeling now...are normal....

We miss Ethan so much, I miss Ethan so much.....school started today...I had nothing to do....no school uniform to buy.....I cannot look at his friends anymore...it is driving me crazy....we were told it is getting worse....I think we feel that now....My dauthers told the therapist, they miss their mom's cooking....It is hard....it is getting harder.....all you can do is hang in there ....this I have discovered.....just hang in there...tomorrow it might be better....

All my love to all of you.....

Enid (Ethansmuffin)

[bjsmom]

Hello Enid, i just wanted to reply to your story! Your Ethan is so beautiful and i believe i know the pain you are feeling. Although my son was 19 when he died, the realization of losing a child is absolutely crushing. I know you miss him, feel lost without him and probably do what i do, just stare, looking around your house. No one really teaches us how or what to feel when this instant, terrible thing happens. But would we have really wanted to know or learn about our childrens death in the first place. I know for myself it was always put in the back of my mind. My son was too strong for this to happen to, too beautiful, he had such a gentle soul. I NEVER THOUGHT IT COULD OR WOULD HAPPEN! I know when i lost my mother i grieved quietly but always knew she had a good long life; she was 76 when she passed and adopted me in her late 40's. It was alright that she had a massive heart attack and felt little pain; i accepted this. Not so about my son! From the instant we were informed, i knew nothing about this was right. He would not have done what they said! He could not be dead! I miss him so much, miss hearing his voice, his  weird way of answering his phone; "hullo" instead of hello. I miss most his voice calling out to me; "mom" can i do this or "mom" i'll be back in a little while. Every night i look at his pictures and tell him, "i love you boo, i'll see you in the morning". We said that to each other every night that he was here...God how i miss him, how do i go on.

[bjsmom]

Enid, i know exactly how you feel when you talk about your son's friends. I feel guilty thinking, "all these boys just graduated together but BJ is the one that died". He was probably the quietest of the bunch and was definitely in "less" trouble than all the rest. Also, my son had never been in a car accident before; most of his friends have had more than 1 wreck. Yes, he was all boy but he was actually good; not perfect in any way but very good. Thanksgiving day arrived and 2 of his friends came pulling up in a black Honda that looked almost identical to my sons car. My heart dropped and i could not breathe, i just shut the door. My husband let them in and after taking a few minutes to myself i came out of my room. They just wanted to check on us, how could i blame them for living. It does hurt though, seeing all his friends coming home for the holidays. Seeing them laugh & joke, seeing them driving down the road. I wish BJ were here. I wish he would have gotten a 2nd chance in life; i know he would have been humble.

My son is Bradley (BJ) McElroy 09/10/89--11/09/08

BJsMom-Deneace Reel