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Sister's death and grieving alone


waitingfor4

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Well, I was about to start this message when my Mum called to say her cousin, whom she considered a big sister, died a few hours ago.  I hope she is ok.

My eldest sister passed away last summer and on and off, I feel like a mess. The best way I've found to comfort myself, is to escape into TV shows but I can't keep doing that can I?

I live 7,000 miles from home in a non-English speaking country and my closest friend here left a month after I came back from my sister's funeral.  I was scared to go out amongst strangers who might not understand why I may freak out or appear 'odd' so I isolated myself mainly just going to work and speaking to a friend in my home country on a weekly basis.

I've tried telling the few remaining (not so close) friends here what I need in terms of support but no one seems to be responding.

Come December, I made the most of the Christmas parties to try and get out more and although I still felt down a lot of the time when I was at home, it was good to get out.  But the New Year came and I ended up breaking down in public.  The friend I mentioned earlier, came back for a couple of weeks holiday and I was hoping that would make the festive season easier but she had her own new adjustment on her mind. When we went out on New Years, I felt like letting go because I thought it would be safe, but then I realised my high spirits and loudness were being greeted with cold disapproval from my friend and I got so angry with her.  Of course it ended in tears.

I'm trying now to find a space where I might not feel like an anomaly while I try and grieve. I'm hoping this site might help. How can you try and face the world when you feel unpredictable?  My sister's death had a huge impact on my family and it opened many a can of worms.  Yesterday, I organised a deal for very cheap international calls on skype so that I can call home more often and that felt good but today it's all come crashing in on me again.

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Hi There,

I Feel for you and understand were you coming from, I lost my amazing one and only brother 7 months ago. I have stuggled everyday with having to go to places were there are people who I havent seen since the funeral, I dont like breaking down when people seem to care and ask me how am I going. The only people that mean or are sincere are the friends who knew the relationship me and my brother had, and  who truly knew and understood my brother. I have spent a lot of time with my parents because they like me, feel and loved my brother. Being away from home must be hard as its difficult when you dont have family around to yell and vent too. I have shut off from a lot of my outer friends as they just dont get it. I want to talk about my brother and how wonderful and special he was. Not to listen to trivial crap. Hope life gets easier for you by speaking to people that have lost someone as dear as a sibling. Take care Mazza.

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Hi There,

I Feel for you and understand were you coming from, I lost my amazing one and only brother 7 months ago. I have stuggled everyday with having to go to places were there are people who I havent seen since the funeral, I dont like breaking down when people seem to care and ask me how am I going. The only people that mean or are sincere are the friends who knew the relationship me and my brother had, and  who truly knew and understood my brother. I have spent a lot of time with my parents because they like me, feel and loved my brother. Being away from home must be hard as its difficult when you dont have family around to yell and vent too. I have shut off from a lot of my outer friends as they just dont get it. I want to talk about my brother and how wonderful and special he was. Not to listen to trivial crap. Hope life gets easier for you by speaking to people that have lost someone as dear as a sibling. Take care Mazza.

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Hi There,

I Feel for you and understand were you coming from, I lost my amazing one and only brother 7 months ago. I have stuggled everyday with having to go to places were there are people who I havent seen since the funeral, I dont like breaking down when people seem to care and ask me how am I going. The only people that mean or are sincere are the friends who knew the relationship me and my brother had, and  who truly knew and understood my brother. I have spent a lot of time with my parents because they like me, feel and loved my brother. Being away from home must be hard as its difficult when you dont have family around to yell and vent too. I have shut off from a lot of my outer friends as they just dont get it. I want to talk about my brother and how wonderful and special he was. Not to listen to trivial crap. Hope life gets easier for you by speaking to people that have lost someone as dear as a sibling. Take care Mazza.

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I truly understand what you are going through. Your situation sounds very similar to mine. Maybe together we can come up with some ways of dealing with this pain. Take Care. Peace

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