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mattsmum

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Hello everyone,  I joined yesterday and saw this forum.

I lost my son, Matt over 13 years ago, he was aged 18 years.  He died from bone cancer.  It has been a long, painful journey and no matter what anybody says, time does not heal the loss, it just makes it bearable and takes a few rough edges off the pain.

Three years ago, I became a Grief and Bereavement Counsellor and now work with young children.  I am also a Learning Mentor who helps children that are under achieving academically and also emotionally.  My work is sometimes emotionally draining, but I love it and wouldn't swap it for any other job.

If I can be of help to those who are newly bereaved, then please use me.  I can remember too well the rawness and unbelievable pain and sadness that followed me about for quite a long time.

We will never 'get over' losing our children but with time, love, patience and understanding, we can find a 'new way of life' without them.  My son is still very much 'with us' we include him in everything we do, it's just that we do not have his physical presence around.

Looking forward to knowing you all a little better.

MattsMum x

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Hello everyone.  I hope I'm doing this right-I'm new to  this.  I lost my only child 12/23/07, and just went through the 1 year anniversary of his death.  Benjamin (we called him Ben) was 26 when he died.  He was born with a rare genetic disorder involving multiple medical issues and disabilities.  He lived in a group home since he was 11.  His dad and I feel he was happy there, had lots of opportunities in his daily living and friendships.  Medically things were getting more serious, and were only going to get worse.  The group home staff found him in the bathroom one morning unresponsive.  EMS got a pulse after 20 minutes of working on him, but the brain damage was done.  We removed life support after him being in intensive care for 2 days, as we all knew there was no hope of recovery.  I think his body had just had enough, and at least he doesn't have to suffer anymore.   I have found as time goes by, people think I should be over it, and all that does is make me angry.  I've decided talking with people who have been through it might help.  Thanks for listening.  Becky

 

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[user=25991]beckyc[/user] wrote:

Hello everyone.  I hope I'm doing this right-I'm new to  this.  I lost my only child 12/23/07, and just went through the 1 year anniversary of his death.  Benjamin (we called him Ben) was 26 when he died.  He was born with a rare genetic disorder involving multiple medical issues and disabilities.  He lived in a group home since he was 11.  His dad and I feel he was happy there, had lots of opportunities in his daily living and friendships.  Medically things were getting more serious, and were only going to get worse.  The group home staff found him in the bathroom one morning unresponsive.  EMS got a pulse after 20 minutes of working on him, but the brain damage was done.  We removed life support after him being in intensive care for 2 days, as we all knew there was no hope of recovery.  I think his body had just had enough, and at least he doesn't have to suffer anymore.   I have found as time goes by, people think I should be over it, and all that does is make me angry.  I've decided talking with people who have been through it might help.  Thanks for listening.  Becky

 

 

Becky - I am sorry you have lost your Ben.  Losing a child is hard enough, but to make the decision to turn of life support makes it even harder.

As for those who would have us 'get over it',  I have written this before and believe this saves me alot of frustration when dealing with those who have no experience of this pain........

The blessing of BI is being in our own 'parallel universe'. A place where to say a name brings joy.  Where getting over it is not the focus, just being is.  Where to mourn a child is not seen as a disease, but a celebration of the love a parent  for their child.   A place where an otherwise dark lonely eternal journey is shared. A place that when we get 'lost', someone who knows finds us.  Time is irrelevant, the life of the child the love of a parent eternal...

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