My daughter's death

[ellatherese]

Hello, I am new here.  I have been reading here off and on and considerin writing now and then, but each time I wound up in tears so that I gave it up and just crawled into my bed.  My daughter Christine was killed when she was thrown from her horse against a light pole and sustained a deep wound to her head.  She was taken by lifelight to Herman Hospital in Houston, Texas where she died.  This happened in 1979 and I am still dieing inside.  She was my beloved girl, my everything.  I still have twin sons, the reason why I continued living I tell myself.  And to keep the memory of Christine in my mind.  Yet my life, the way it had been until then, had ended with her.  I knew I had to go on living, but I have been carrying this pain inside of me all these years and I cry myself to sleep each night.  I do believe in God, but my belief is not that strong that I can simply say it was His will and let it go with it.  Or that I can say say I will see her again and trust in that and turn my back and laugh again.  I am desperate, and I miss the baby I held in my arms, the little girl that grew up in such sweet ways and the teenager that was so beautiful and loved her mother as much as she loved her.  We had so much fun together, and yet she had seriousness inside of her beyond her years.  I ask each day, where is she, does she still exist, somewhere?

[ribitsmom]

EllaTherese,

A parent never forgets or stops missing a child that he/she lost, and your words speak so loudly that this is so very true. I am so very sorry that you lost your beautiful daughter at such a young age. So many things that we miss out on when we lose a child; a wedding, the birth of our grandchild and then even great grandchildren.

I understand what you are saying when you say you believe in God, but your faith is not strong enough to give you the comfort that would be such a huge help. I too believe, but I find it so hard to believe that He would take a child from its loving family, and that our children are in a better place, I for one think that this place, with family that love our child would be a wonderful place. I think that these words of comfort that are spouted are just that, words of comfort from people that just don't get it. I have never heard another parent that lost a child say that they are in a better place to another parent. I can see this being of comfort if your child was suffering with an illness for quite some time, then I would take comfort in the idea that my child was no longer in pain.

We lost our daughter in a car/train accident about 5 1/2 years ago and I know that I will always feel the loss, Bridgette (our daughter) was such a fun, happy loving person that she is missed by all and we feel such a hole in our hearts without her.

Denise

[mattsmum]

Hi there, firstly I am so sad for you over the loss of your daughter - you know time doesn't make things better. We carry their memory through the rest of our lives and the missing and the sadness is always there.  The deeper the love, the more the hurt - this is so true.

I lost my lovely boy when he was 18 years old to cancer, that was over 13 years ago, but I still love and miss him so much.  I am a trained counsellor that works with children who have undergone loss in some way, so I understand the process of grief and you know, sometimes it takes a life time to sort out and even then, we never get over it, we just learn to live a different way of life.

I am blessed with a beautiful daughter, son in law and two grandchildren, but they do not replace what I had with our son.  Nothing will ever replace your daughter and the hurt will never go.  No doubt you have good days when life seems good, but there is always a shadow over the sun a cloud that passes and blots out the sunlight.  Our loss is a permanent loss that cannot be made better - your daughter's life was so precious to you, it gave you joy and happiness.

Hoping that you find some peace and reconcilliation - our reunion with those who have gone on is only a lifetime away, one day there will be sweetness again.

Love and Light,

MattsMum 

In the night of death, hope sees a star, and listening love can hear the rustle of a wing. ~Robert Ingersoll