Members feelguilty Posted December 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted December 22, 2008 Before you answer, please try and put yourself, God forbid, in my situation. I am 47 years old and my wife of 21 years is 44. She was diagnosed almost 2 years ago with the same brain tumor that Ted Kennedy has. The prognosis is usually 1 to 1.5 years. It is now almost 2. While the original tumor has shrunk maybe giving her another couple of years, another one has developed and has paralyzed her left side. We decided to take her off treatment as she really hasnt had any quality of life for a long time. Its now just a matter of weeks if not days. We have two daughter 13 and 16 which make this so much harder. I take my marriage vows very seriously and have been with her every step of the way. We tried a nutritionist in Utah, as well as the standard treatments, supplements, herbs and homeopathic remedies. Anything I read about to keep her alive as long as possible. She fought a good fight but its over now. In the past two years I believe I have first mourned the loss of my marriage and then the loss of the person who I married. Now I am in the role of a caregiver giving medication and changing diapers. She cant get out of bed anymore and into a wheelchair. We can talk but she fades in and out of reality.Over the course of our marriage, I never thought once about an affair AND I still wouldnt as long as she is still alive. I couldnt live with myself. I will be with her and faithful until the end. Now for my dilema. I am feeling guilty, ashamed and mad at myself as I have fallen in LIKE with a friend of a friend of ours. We have known her for a while and we have always had a lot in common. I wasnt sure before if it was because of all Ive been going through and I feel lonely or if I really had feelings for this person. She works for this friend of mine and the other day I had to go to his office for something. She was the only one there. It was lunch time and snowing pretty bad. She said she was leaving early and do I want to go to lunch with her on our way home. We did and I havent had a day like that in almost 2 years. We talked and laughed and I had one of the best times of my life. A quick lunch on our way home turned into a 3 hour lunch. As it was snowing pretty bad out we had the whole restaurant to ourselves and had the best time.We parted ways and later that day I texted her to make sure she got home ok in the snow. I told her I had the best time Ive had in 2 years and thanked her for an amazing 3 hours. She said she felt the same way and would like to do it again some day. She knows my wife and respects what Im going through. I also know now she feels the same way about me. Do you think its normal to be having these feelings right now? Am I just a horrible person for feeling this way? If youve been in my situation please tell me. Like I said, please dont slam me until you have really thought about what we are going through. Then slam away if you must. I would like some honest answers. Thanks in advance.feelingguilty New Member Posts: 1 Joined: 12/21/08 12:40 am Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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