Loss of a Young Child

[Artina]

Haileysmom7,

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't count the times that my two boys would come home sick and I would do the exact same things that you did. Your baby girl and you sound like you were very close... I too was 16 years old when I had my son, who died on Jan 4, 2002, at the age of 19. I understand the connection that exist between a parent and a child that grow up together. You are so right... we will see them again. That is for sure!

Peace to you, Tina

[haileysdad7]

I want to thank Haileysmom7 for introducing me to beyond indigo. Since my daughter had passed away I have really never talked about her death and how I felt. I was not there with her when she left us…nor was I there when she was born to our world. Ironically this marks a long line of regrets from beginning to end. Had I known then what I know now, things would have been very different….but if people knew then what they knew now…there would be no such thing as regret. Regret is what I seem to have a lot of when the subject of Hailey’s death arises. I regret not being there for her first years of life, I regret not spending more time with her or calling her more than I so infrequently did. I look back and feel like I was taking advantage of the love she gave me…it just feels like there should have been more than I could have done.

When Hailey was born I was in the military stationed in North Carolina, Hailey moved with her mom to Indiana and I ended up in Ohio. Just a few months before Hailey passed on she moved to Montana…where was born coincidentally. The next time I was going to see Hailey would be the next summer.

Two months and five days prior to October 15th, my life was blessed as I watched my youngest daughter born to our world. I called Hailey to tell her that she had a new sister and I could not wait until they could meet. As the events unfolded on October 15th 2003, I held my daughter, hoping that somehow my words, love and prayer would be transferred to my Hailey who needed me. My then fiancé desperately tried to get me on a flight to go home to my daughter. From the time I found out about Hailey to the time she passed on seemed like an eternity but in reality was only about 7 hours. When the call came that she was gone…I cried. I couldn’t stop and as I looked into my two month old daughters eyes and told her that her big sister was no longer with us. Then something strange happened, I don’t know if it was all of the guilt and regret going through my mind and I just wanted to hear it or if something more spiritually happened but I swear to god I heard Katie-Beth (my two month old) say “I LOVE YOU DADDY”. The next morning I caught a flight home accompanied with my fiancé Anne and Katie-Beth. The next few days Hailey’s mom, step dad and I picked out the best casket, a grave site that had a tree near by so she could climb it when she wanted and the most beautiful view of the mountains that you could ever imagine. As they sealed her up in that pink casket with roses all over it really sank in there, but I still imagined that she would spring out of the casket and yell surprise…being the joker that she was. I helped carry her to where she would rest, a walk I wish I never had to take.

Everyone tells me that I was a good father and that Hailey loved me, that I was her hero, that when I came to get her for a long drive she only wanted to do that with me. I suppose I am my own worst critic, but for as special as Hailey was, I could have and should have been a better father to her.

I know that there is on one to blame, Hailey’s mom, the doctors and god all did what they could…but after over two years, life just isn’t the same…and it never will be the same again. My life is wonderful now but……not the same with out my Hailey

[Artina]

Hailysdad7,

I am very sorry for the loss of your daughter. Grief is difficult enough on us without adding guilt to our broken hearts. But for some reason, grieving parents tend to do that. I think it's part of the grief process- to feel guilty about something that may have made our child's life a little harder. Yet, I don't think I would have ever looked back on some of the things that have made me feel guilty, if my son wouldn't have crossed over. That was the concept that helped me through the "guilt" part of my grief. Intention was the second thing that helped me through the "guilt" part of my grief. I knew that I never did anything intentionally to make my son's life more difficult- NEVER. I'm sure this is true for all parents on this forum.

I have been part of Beyond Indigo for over three years and have found it to be a very supportive grief forum. The parents here support each other and offer tools that you can either take or leave. Please know that we care and understand your loss.

It has been almost four years this January 4, since my son crossed over and my intense grief has let up. I have learned to live life side by side with my broken heart. It takes time to find the tools that will aid you through this dark and painful journey. Be sure to do your part by eating healthy, drinking plenty of fluids, exercising, talking with supportive family or friends, and getting plenty of sleep. I know that it's not easy to do the latter, but I have found that those actions light the way on very dark days.

Peace to you, Tina

[ashleysdad]

www.ashleycaymclellan.com/Ashley/index.html

Hi all, tomorrow marks the 2 year mark for my only childs' "accident". (It's in quotation marks because my ex-wifes new husband was "watching" Ashley when she fell into their swimming pool while that %$&*#@ was supposedly sleeping. He had taken a $250,000 life insurance policy out on Ashley just weeks before my daughter died. It's still under investigation) When Ashley drowned on Dec 3, 2003 at the age of 3 and 1/2 I was out of the country. My best friend contacted me and told me daughter was in the hospital and needed to get home ASAP. The next flight was in about 24 hours from when I got the news. Meanwhile my Mom, brothers, my ex and her family all were at the hospital as they tried to keep my baby girl alive. They held her little hand, talked to her, prayed for her, and told her Daddy was on his way. When I was in the taxi on the way to the airport I got a call from my Mom. They took my little girl off life support because there was no other choice....So I had to get on a plane and fly home, knowing my precious angel was gone forever...I feel SO MUCH guilt because I wasn't there in the hospital with Ashley....I blame myself...I think she died because her Daddy wasn't there to help her...

It's 2 years later and I don't feel any "better". I don't know what to say to my friends and they don't know what to say to me. My family is shattered. She was my Moms only grandchild. Christmas is coming and I'm alone...I'm just waiting for the day I go wherever my precious angel is....This existance is empty now. Ashely would be almost 6 now. That's hard to fathom. I just want my daughter back and I know that's impossible...

[Artina]

Ashleysdad,

I am so so sorry. Beyond Indigo is a great place to share your grief. I have been part of this forum for over three years and believe it is one of the most important tools to my grief process.

I understand the guilt you feel. I understand how empty life seems right now. I lost my son, age 19, four years ago. He died from injuries sustained in a snowmobile accident. He was my baby. Life seemed so empty for so long. I miss him and ache for him everyday, but the intense pain has eased- it comes and goes in waves. I do have new goals and I have found some hope in this new life.

Be sure to do the basics for yourself- eat, drink fluids, sleep, talk, talk, talk, journal, and be sure to forgive yourself for whatever you feel guilty for... because I know that whatever decisions you made in your life it was with good intensions. Guilt seems to be part of the grieving process and we all feel it for a spectrum of reasons, yet we would all go to the ends of the Earth for our children.

Peace to you, Tina

[sweetpeasmom]

Haileysmom7 and Haileysdad7

I too lost my 8 year old daughter this past Sepember. It was very much like the same way of your Hailey. The difference was Sara had Asthma, I went in to check on her before going to bed. She was in a full blown asthma attack, and still asleep. I tried giving her her medicines but they didn't work. I tried to take her to the hospital, on the way to the car she turned blue and started to panic. I called 911, but she stopped breathing before the ambulance got here. I am trained in CPR, but the air kept going into her stomach. The paramedics arrived and tried to intibate her, they couldn't. They also gave her Epinepherine to keep her heart going. We got her to the hospital but her heart stopped in the E.R. They worked on her for over 35 minutes. I was never able to get ahold of her father as his phone was turned off. The sheriff had to go get him. By the time he got there, Sara was gone. I also held my daughter when she entered this world, and when she left. She knew her mother loved her more than life its self. I have two other children (older) that keep me going, but life is not the same without my baby.

I pray for all of us, including our children. Thank you so much for sharing your stories, "Blessed are those who morn, For they shall be comforted."

GOD bless you all. Katrina

[Artina]

Sweetpeasmom,

I have posted to you before and I am happy to see that you have posted on "loss of a young child". Your story touches my heart. In fact, I shared it this weekend with a mother who has a son with asthma. I shared it because she didn't seem to take it too seriouse and I thought your story "could" save her child's life. I hope you don't mind.

Peace to you, Tina

[sweetpeasmom]

Sweetpeasmom,

I have posted to you before and I am happy to see that you have posted on "loss of a young child". Your story touches my heart. In fact, I shared it this weekend with a mother who has a son with asthma. I shared it because she didn't seem to take it too seriouse and I thought your story "could" save her child's life. I hope you don't mind.

Peace to you, Tina

Of course it does not bother me. I will pray for her and her son. Please convey to her that my daughters attack is very rare. But non the less it is a very real threat. You just can't tell if or when something like this will happen. Please let her know to find out as much as she can about her sons illness and triggers. Knowledge is power and understanding to giving your child a wonderful quality of life.

Yours truely, Katrina

[Artina]

Sweetpeasmom,

I have posted to you before and I am happy to see that you have posted on "loss of a young child". Your story touches my heart. In fact, I shared it this weekend with a mother who has a son with asthma. I shared it because she didn't seem to take it too seriouse and I thought your story "could" save her child's life. I hope you don't mind.

Peace to you, Tina

Of course it does not bother me. I will pray for her and her son. Please convey to her that my daughters attack is very rare. But non the less it is a very real threat. You just can't tell if or when something like this will happen. Please let her know to find out as much as she can about her sons illness and triggers. Knowledge is power and understanding to giving your child a wonderful quality of life.

Yours truely, Katrina

Katrina,

I will share that with her. You are so right; knowledge is power. Before losing my son, I didn't worry about all those "diagnoses" that we all put on the shelf and call "being treated". However, after losing a child, and knowing how a lot of my friends on Beyond Indigo have lost their children, I take every diagnoses very seriouse and make sure that I "know" everything I can about the diagnoses in order to protect my family from unknown variables. Such a hard balancing act, because one could go crazy dotting their "I's" and crossing their "T's". But we do what we can- right.

[evanryan]

The best quote I have heard on the loss of a child, which is also one way to help people try and understand what they cannot fathom.

Before the loss of a child life was an ocean of happiness with islands of sadness

After the loss of a child life is an ocean of sadness with islands of happiness

[mamabets]

For Foreverchanged... God Bless You....With love from mamabets, Loss Of An Adult Child- My Danny Boy, 1978-2004...., He, too, will forever be my little boy and I am walking this walk with you by my side too.

[ribitsmom]

Foreverchanged: OH HOW I WISH I COULD WRITE. There are so many things that I wish I could put into words for all to read. Things to do, things not to do when you lose a child. How to make the decisions that you were never prepared to make. Things to stop and think about now...or discuss with your child, NOW, before you are in the position that all of us find ourselves in. (I am from the "loss of a teen" sight, so that last portion about talking to our child pertains to older children, obviously). Choosing a burial site, a casket, weather to have an open or closed casket, weather to move the child to the funeral home that night or wait a until the next morning, so many things that NO parent should think about and can't think about when they are in the middle of it. Things like; who not to let over to your house when you are in the deepest portion of your shock and grief, when to go back to work, how to pay for the bills when you never thought about getting life insurance for your child that should have lived for many many years.

Can you tell that I have MUCH respect for you and your writing capabilities?

The best to you.

Denise

[foreverchanged]

ribitsmom--It sounds to me like you are doing a good job of writing right now. Writing doesn't have to be something that anyone else reads. I have found writing to be therapeutic for many bereaved parents. I posted in another thread how I write to my son when I'm having an especially rough time of it. You can to. Write whatever you are thinking or feeling and then put it down. Pick it up and start again whenever the need arises. I date each entry I write.

Being able to have that "special place" where you can go and purge yourself can bring much relief.

[kirksdad]

Foreverchanged, it seems there is no understanding why our children had to be the ones to leave this earth so early in life. Each circumstance of their death is so very personal and unique. To have to know what happened, see it, watch the aftermath is just devastating for each one of us. Our son was killed in a car wreck just about 3 blocks from our house and I trying to find out some information went past the site, wondering, but not knowing it was him. I wish I would have stopped to find out for sure, but I felt if I didn't them maybe the outcome would be different that what we had in the back of our minds, but of course it wasn't. We all wonder why, I am just thankful that no one else was involved. In your situation where a neighbor's neglect was involved has go to add to the feelings so much more. I can't even begin to imagine. Maybe at some time you will be able to talk about everything that went on, I know that can help. Until then we totally understand the feelings.

[lillyothevalley]

April 1st 2002, my Bobby died at age 9 and 1/2. The half is so important at that age :~) He had a brain tumor removed, successfully. We were on our way to his first chemo treatment when we were in a car accident. Because the incision had not yet healed, his brain hemorrhaged, and he died. I was driving. My husband beats himself up wondering if it would have happened had he been driving… we'll never know. I used to journal almost daily. I haven't written a word since then. Almost as if I'm afraid to put it all on paper and confront everything. I'm still Bobby’s Mom. The kids are in the 7th grade now and they still see me and I'll here: "It's Bobby's Mom!!" usually followed with a big grin or a hug. It makes me feel soooo good to know he’s not forgotten (he was in 3rd grade when he died). Children are often a discussion topic for people as they are just meeting and getting to know each other, and I'll comment about "my oldest son" The hardest question for me these past 4 years has been the: "How many children do you have?" I'd like to know how people with surviving children respond to that...

[ribitsmom]

lillyothevalley-I comment that I have 2 children...and hope they don't ask how old and what grade and so on. If they do, they then get the story that I am sure they would rather not hear...but hey, they asked.

[mamabets]

For Kagansmommy and Daddy- You are in my thoughts and prayers, as Danny and Kagan have fun on their playground in Heaven. Hopefully, we will find each other here throughout the course of the day!! God Bless you for blessing every day of this little boys life!! xoxomamabets

[haileysdad7]

I agree with lillyothevalley, it is very difficult to give a response. I have always included both of my daughters. Even though one may be taking a nap and the other watching over from heaven. People tell me that their sorry, and they wished they never asked. I just tell them that it is ok ( and depending on what kind of day I'm having it may be). If they do ask for specifics, I tell them. Once a girl told me that she could'nt possibly fathom dealing with such a greif. This is where I make my daughter the hero and give someone something that may help them or someone they know. I have often referred to my life as that to the path of a river. Over two years ago, my rivers' path was changed forever, and because of that change, my river is not as high as it once was, nor dose it flow as fast is it once did, but it still flows to the sea when, and where, i will feel as full as i once did.

[jonathansmom]

I have been reading everyones posts for a month or so. I would like to introduce myself and ask a question or two. We lost our son Jonathan after a 7 year battle with cancer (neuroblastoma)in November/05. So the grief and the pain are still so new to us. We avoided Christmas this year and took our other son with us to Mexico for a week. It was great and it made it easy to push the sad thoughts to the side. My question is it right to be able to push these thoughts to the side and go on or will I regret doing that later. I guess my real question is, am I normal?? I know things are not normal for us right now but we are functioning day to day. How do I know if things are OK or all this will come back to haunt us later? I appreciate any input from any of you. Thanking you in advance.

[mamabets]

For Jonathansmom- I know for me, after losing my son Danny in June of 2004, I just went with whatever feelings were right in front of me at the time and I still do that today. God Bless and love you for being here, and although my son was 25 and this is the forum for a young child, he wil be forever young in my heart and you will grow old with this pain, so I welcome you and applaud you for reaching out. Know that you Jonathan is with you still, and will always be. They live on, just on a different dimension and if you go to the ADC forum here, you will read amazing stories of how many have continued to connect to their loved ones. In time, if not already, you too will do the same. I think that it is great that you went to Mexico and are continuing with life- Celebrate life and Jonathan as much as you can. Much love to you!! xoxomamabets

[Artina]

Haileysdad7,

I like your analogy... a river that has changed direction. Thanks for sharing that.

Tina

[Artina]

Jonathansmom,

I lost my son a little over four years ago and have found that I live my life side by side with my grief. Thus, even when I have joy- it is never as joyfull as it once was. When I have happiness- it is never as happy as it once was. You are so NORMAL when you have joy and happiness or moments of "not" thinking about your loss. These variables will give you the strength to make it through life without your son. Don't feel guilty for LOVING life. You don't have to choose between loving life and grief- they exist is spite of each other.

Be sure to take time out to talk about your son, journal your thoughts, and to treat yourself to moments of silence.

Peace to you, Tina

[mamabets]

For Kagansmommy- I am thinking about you and will find you through e-mails!!! Lots of Love, xoxomamabets

[Guest Guest]

Dear Jonathansmom: I too lost my Jonathan to neuroblastoma on Jan. 20th of this year. I am just heartsick!!! He was only 4 years old and died after a stem cell transplant. I have 2 other girls ages 7 and 1. I have to hold it together for them but it is hard. Maybe your Jonathan and my Jonathan are together right now laughing in Heaven. I will pray for your family.

[Artina]

Guest,

I am so sorry for the loss of your son... I bet you are heartsick- life is just not fair. No child should die so young- not one! Please accept my deepest sympathy.

Peace to you, Tina

[Artina]

Lillyothevalley,

I am sorry for the loss of you dear sweet son. I am so taken back by the turn of events in the loss of your son. I really struggle with how unfair life can be to some... why? I lost my son over four years ago, he was 19 and he died from unjuries sustained in a snowmobile accident. It's so hard to live life without him, but my grief journey has become familiar to me and thus has become a little easier. Time helps with that, but not with missing him to the bone. Be sure to reach out to those who understand and can offer tools to aid you through your grief.

Peace to you, Tina

[mom2angels]

{{{Jonathan's Mom}}}

Another Mom to a Jonathan here! My Jonathan is 36 years old, and his brother, Michael, passed away at the age of 32 on May 30, 2003. Both of my sons were born with severe developmental disabilities (see my profile).

I think that the grief journey is slightly different for those of us who have lost our children after a lingering illness than it is for those who have experienced a sudden loss. I had time to pre-grieve and to prepare for my loss, and in some ways this put me a few steps farther in the journey.

Michael suffered a great deal for most of his life, so I am able to be grateful that he is out of pain and free of his bodily limitations. That also makes my path slightly different than others whose children were healthy and then suddenly taken.

Each grief journey is personal and individual, so what is normal for you may not be normal for me or for someone else. You have to do what feels right for you, and what meets your needs. No one can, and no one should, define what that is for you. You are in charge of your grief.

What I do caution everyone here to not do: don't stuff down your feelings. The path to healing is feeling. If you worry that you might be avoiding your feelings, then I recommend that you explore that further. That saying "no pain no gain" applies to grieving.

I think what you mean when you ask if it will come back to haunt you is whether you will be overwhelmed with grief at a later time. You may. I think that is natural for everyone, anyway. Even people who feel that they have dealt with their sorrow effectively are overcome with grief from time to time throughout their lives. But if you think that you are stuffing your feelings down now, then the likelihood is great that grief will sneak up on you and really knock you for a loop in the future. That happened to me, which is why I encouarge everyone to feel their feelings as they happen, no matter what.

The best coping tool I have is my spiritual connection with Michael. I know that he is still alive, he just isn't living in the physical form. And my second strongest coping tool is always thinking what would he want me to do, say, feel, experience. He loves me and doesn't want me to be in pain. I'm sure that your Jonathan feels exactly the same way about you.

Take care of yourself. Do what feels right for you. May you find peace and comfort every day~

Love & Light,

Roslyn

[jonnysmom2]

I'm crying as I read all these. My Jonathan was only 4. He was such a mix of sweetness and being onry. We took him off life support and held him as he took his last breath. I told him to go to the light and that Jesus was waiting for him. He died after a stem cell transplant. He had beaten the cancer (neuroblastoma) and the stem cell transplant was suppose to help that the cancer never returned. The hospital said that the chemo was too toxic and in HINDSIGHT he should have received more fluids. I just ask myself WHY?! My husband and I loved this little boy so much! I feel like our family will never be the same and I will never be truely happy again. I would talk to Jonny about his tumor and how the chemo was beating it up - kinda like spongebob and sandy doing karate. He understood and was so excited that this was his last chemo. Now his hair would grow back and he would be going to preshool in the fall. My husband shaved his head too when Jonny lost his hair from the chemo and they were going to grow their hair back together. One thing I take comfort in is that Jonny knew how very much he was loved.

[Artina]

Jonnysmom2,

I am so sorry. I can't even imagine what you have been through. Four years old is just too young. It isn't fair! Not fair one bit.

I too find peace (breathing room), because I too know that my son knew how much he was loved.

Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Peace to you, Tina

[jonnysmom2]

Artina: Thank you for your kind words. It helps to talk to other people who have been through this! Most people dont even know what to say to me. I would like to know if other people have thought about having another child after this happens to their little one. We have 2 girls and when I am out and I see a little boy who reminds me of Jonny my heart just aches! I think people may say I am trying to replace Jonny. (I Wish!)Jonny was definitley one of a kind.He could be so sweet and so rotten all at the same time. For instance he responded so much better if you called him a poopyhead than if you were sweet to him! The nurses at the hospital soon learned this. And he would wipe my kisses off. But after catching a lightning bug last summer he told it - dont worry I wont hurt you! And he would say - me love you mommy - before he fell asleep!

[kirksdad]

Jonnysmom2, Artina is right. A four year old shouldn't have to go through what Jonny went through, but it happens and it is so totally heartbreaking and devastating. Kirk was 17 when he was killed so we had some time with him and I just can't even begin to imagine all those extra years I would have to think about what should have been. I know that we shouldn't do it, but let's face it, it becomes a part of our lives now wondering what things should have been like. Love is so hard to understand when it hurts us so much, but it is the one thing we can be so thankful for. Know our children for the amount of time we could is a gift no matter how we look at it. That gift is always in our minds and hearts and the love we gained because of our children will remain with us forever. Jim

[Artina]

Johnnysmom2,

My husband and I have went to extremes to have another child. My son was 19 when he died from injuries sustained in a snowmobile accident. I don't care what people think when it comes to having another child. They don't live in my life and they certainly don't live with the pain that I do everyday. Further more, "replacing"- is a word that only people who haven't lost a child would come up with. Because, people who have lost a child know that their child could NEVER be replaced. If you want another child... I say get right on it. I love being a mom and if having another child brings me one ounce of "hope" or "happiness", than it can't be wrong for me. If the Universe was worried about what I could handle, than my son would not have died. At this point on my journey, I know that I have to create what happiness that I want.

Peace to you and many blessings- Tina

[care4u]

I need to post this for all to see. I have been developing my gifts in communicating with our loved ones who have returned home into spirit and we have recieved a message from a little girl who may go by the name Leslie and that she has blonde hair and blue/green eyes. They said her moms name could possibly be Cheryl. Is there anyone here who may relate to this little girl who wants to let her mom know she is OK??? If so she has a short, but sweet message for you and I would like you to e-mail me directly if there is anyone who can relate to this. Sorry for being so abrupt and forward about the situation, but I would never want a message to go ignored when there are so many hurting people out there.

Take care everyone and my heart is with you all.

Love....Care4u

[chels1003]

Care, I responded to you directly and I am responding in open forum. What do you mean by "we" recieved a message and how did you find this site? I can't exactly apologize for sounding callous but your post resounds suspiciously like a solicitation.....One I find very unwelcome....Unless anyone feels I am being unreasonable, I'm not sure you, Care4u, have a place here.

[care4u]

Care, I responded to you directly and I am responding in open forum. What do you mean by \"we\" recieved a message and how did you find this site? I can\'t exactly apologize for sounding callous but your post resounds suspiciously like a solicitation.....One I find very unwelcome....Unless anyone feels I am being unreasonable, I\'m not sure you, Care4u, have a place here.

Chelsie,

I understand completely how you are feeling. I have many posts on this forum and I have helped a few people recieve messages from their loved ones. I stumbled upon this site by accident when I was looking for a hospice to volunteer at.This is not a usual post for me. At the time that I found this site, my intentions were not at all to use my gifts to give messages from loved ones who have passed. I only wanted to share my experiences with all of you who are hurting to give you comfort in knowing that we do carry on after we leave the physical earth. I am not trying to solicite anything. I have met others on here who have had loved ones pass on into spirit who have the gifts as well who I have become very good friends with. I am not asking for money, I am only trying to help. But when we recieve messages from spirit, I feel that it would be completley ignorant of me to ignore these messages and continue to let people hurt when I can use my gifts to help them. All I can say is that my gifts are real and I am in constant contact with spirits everyday and that it is normal to me. I would never play with anyones emotions. I have a heart and I do use it. That is why I am here. I am so sorry if I am sounding a bit offended, I do realize that these gifts are not openly welcome to some people and I am not asking anything of you. I only want to help, and God gave me this gift and I thank him everyday for blessing me with these abilities.

[foreverchanged]

care4u

Personally, I do not appreciate you posting a message telling someone that there is a message from a child who has passed on. Any parent who wants to "communicate" with their child through someone like you would most certainly try to locate someone like you themselves. I feel your post was greatly inappropriate and it can do much emotional damage to fragile parents.

I am sure that there are parents who welcome your services, abilities, or whatever you call them. However, I am not one of them and do not plan to hang around this message board if posts like yours are welcomed here.

I appreciate your sincerity in wanting to help and I am not saying you do not have the ability to do what you say. However, I am not saying that you do, either. I am just saying that your post was very offensive. If you have a clue about grief at all you would know that your post could be very shocking and confusing to some.

[care4u]

Foreverchanged,

I am so deeply sorry for offending you or anyone on this site. Please do not leave this forum, I will. I will never post a message like that again. I have to realize that not everyone is in touch with their spiritual side and that life after death is a very touchy subject with alot of people. I also have to realize that my gifts are truly a blessing and that I need to find a way to get these messages across in a loving heartfelt way. I really didn't think it through when I accepted these gifts and the responsability to help those who have made the transition get through to their loved ones. I know that I was not given these gifts just for my own personal benefit. I know I made a promise to God to try to help people and I will stick with it and if there is anyone who wants to talk more, my heart really is in the right place and I am more than happy to help. I am not looking for anything in return. Again, I am so so sorry for hurting anyone here and I really do feel terrible. You will not see me here again. I am so sorry.

[mamabets]

For Care4U- Please don't ever think that you could or would offend someone by trying to help them and bring to them comfort. I nvere needed any validation when my path crossed with yours, I have known from day one where my Danny is. But, through your gifts, he becomes closer and closer to communicating to you all that I carry in my heart. I remember my ex husband telling our daughter that he doesn't believe anything that we say about Danny's messages... Jackie is finished with him for good, and she and I both were so sad for Danny... What he shows us now is even more profound than the love that he shared with all who knew him when he was here... Then, we believed that he would always be with us... Now, he left, but in a way that is serving him completely. He loves, as you so well know, believing in the magic as he is forever confident in my trusting all that he says and is. He will always be my little, big boy, and while I ache for him because we all miss him, your frienship with him and us has helped to ease the blow tremendously!!! I wonder when Jackie will be able to start her Lighthouse themed nursery?? xoxoxoI love you and thank God that you are in our lives.... mamabets

[mamabets]

For Care4U- Please don't ever think that you could or would offend someone by trying to help them and bring to them comfort. I never needed any validation, if you will, when my path crossed with yours, I have known from day one where my Danny is. But, through your gifts, he becomes closer and closer to communicating to you, all that I carry in my heart. I remember my ex husband telling our daughter that he doesn't believe anything that we say about Danny's messages... Jackie is finished with him for good, and she and I both were so sad FOR Danny... What he shows us now is even more profound than the love that he shared with all who knew him when he was here... Then, we believed that he would always be with us... Now, he left, but in a way that is working for him completely. So, we therefore support and believe in him more. His loyalty is unwavering, as always, just on a new dimension. He loves, as you so well know, believing in the magic.He is forever confident in my trusting all that he says and does. He will always be my little, big boy, and while I ache for him because we all miss him, your frienship with him and us has helped to ease our blow tremendously!!! I wonder when Jackie will be able to start her "Lighthouse" themed nursery?? Maybe you will pick up some ideas when you attend your "Lighthouse Spiritual Church"!!! xoxoxoI love you and thank God that you are in our lives.... mamabets

[kirksdad]

The use of an inbetween to help one understand what is going on is a very deeply personal and spiritual feeling that only the person involved can understand. I did try at one time to find some comfort in seeking out one who was able to communicate, but even seeing them in person gave me the impression that it wasn't for me. It isn't that I wouldn't have like to feel something could happen, I don't know maybe it could, but it is so personal that I can understand and see both sides here. One seeking to know more and one not feeling that doing it in such a way, kind of fishing, is a good thing. I don't know what is right and what is wrong, I have kind of given up on judging. I would hope that what we all can truly feel is understanding for each other. I too hope I don't offend, it isn't what I want to do, I just want everyone to know that these feelings are deep and and so very personal. Respect for such feelings is something this site has always shown and I hope will continue to do so. Jim

[rmcaggiano]

Joshsmom

Hello, I was just looking at the memorial sites and I just read about your Josh.

My son (Nicholas) too was give "Methadone" and didn't realize what it was and never woke up. His autopsy revealed he had been give three times the lethal dose to "kill" someone! The guy who gave it to him is walking around "free as a bird" with a record a mile long for drug charges! What is wrong with our system? For the first time my Nicholas took this and it took him away from me!!

I'm so sorry you too have lost your son.

Rose (Nicholas' mom)

[jonnysmom2]

rmcaggiano, Hello. I'm so sorry for your loss. It's really not fair to lose our children at such an early age. I lost my 4 year old boy and its been so hard! I miss my little buddy so much - its something you never think would happen to you or your family. I will be praying for you and hope you can find peace in your heart.

[maskott]

I just want to comment on Care4u. My son died in Aug 2006 and I saw a similar post right after he died. It was my son she was talking about and I felt a relief knowing that he was ok. She has helped my grief a lot. She has never asked for anything. All she wants to do is to help people put their mind at ease. I'm sorry that some people took extreme offense at this. I agree with Kirk that not everyone believes. Before my son died, I really didn't have any beliefs. Who thinks about what happens after you die. I didn't even think about it when my father died. I mourned and I missed him but I never thought about the afterlife. When my son died it was different. I needed to know. I needed to know that he was at peace...or happy. She helped me to see that Matthew is happy. That has helped me a lot in my grief. I still cry...my heart still aches, but I know he is ok. What parent wouldn't want to know that their child is ok. Just my experience.

BettyAnn

[chels1003]

Hi everyone, I wanted to add a bit to the ongoing talk about my first response to Care’s message.

It freaked me out. It made me question the intent of the post. There are so many out there that can and do take advantage of those in a vulnerable position.

If anyone else is like me, did you stop for just a second to remember your child’s eyes???? Think for even a fleeting second you might be missing something your child you miss so terribly might be trying to say something to you? Even though Care said a little girl was trying to get a message through?

I think the “generalized” post was cruel and unfair….To all of us here…It is merely my opinion and I accept full responsibility for feeling that way.

It is a personal issue and if anyone who’s lost a loved one wants to reach out and ask or get messages, great. I am glad that those of you who have had such experiences and found them positive regained some sense of peace in your lives. As there are plenty of people who have reached out and found it not to be for them….

I happen to be one of them. It does not mean I don’t want to know…I just chose to see my daughters spirit through other venues…Like my youngest daughter writing a story that Kris could have written word for word herself….or my son coming up on a time in his life when friends can try to pressure him into following and him standing up to be himself and lead to the beat of his own drum…not always easy for him, but he gets it from Kris. He is strong because of her. I could go on and on. there are many things that happen in our day to day lives, that might seem mundane for the rest not knowing who we are or all we’ve been through……..Yet mundane and the norm is far from the truth for us.

I can tell everyone here, it’s something I have thought about many times…calling on a medium, psychic or reader, but will not do so. I don’t trust anyone. Not with memories and emotions that are so precious to me.

And believe you me, if my little girl wanted to let me know something and she couldn’t get through to me….she would be the first to beat the front door down. By any means necessary. She spoke her mind honest and pure in life, and if I were to ignore anything she wanted to say to me, right now, this very minute, this second, this fraction of a moment, she would be sure I heard it. She would not beat around the bush and ask anyone, family, friend, foe or stranger to ask me to respond by email to hear her.

This I know to be true with every fiber of my being.

If what I feel makes it harder for anyone else, it’s not my intent. It’s not my place to make that decision for anyone but myself. I am just one person that feels this way and would not want anyone to second guess their own true inner intuition.

[care4u]

Dear Chels1003, and anyone else here whom I have offended,

I just wanted to apologize again for coming across the way I did. I am still truly sorry for offending you and it does hurt me that you would think I am a cruel person. I think it is only fair that I explain myself to you which is something I should have done before I posted the messaged from Leslie, and again I am very sorry.

This may be old news to some and this information may help some tremendously and others may choose to ignore it, which are all fine, it is up to you what you want to do with it.

I just wanted to adress that there are spiritual centers all over the world that give proof of life after death. These centers can also help you to get in touch with your innerspirit which in turn will bring you closer to your children now and help you to understand where they are and the lives that they are continuing to live in the spirit realm.

I do not want you to feel that I am forcing anyghing upon you, all I can do is put the word out there, show you the resources of where to go to gain the knowledge of life after death, and let you do whatever feels right for you with this information.

I really hope that I am not continuing to offend anyone, but from my point of view, I have the abilities to be close to our loved ones in spirit and I just feel the need to let others know that they can have this too. That you do not need me or anyone else to give you messages from your loved ones, you can do this yourself. I know that there are people here who are already aware of this and I am very happy for you, but please leave this for those who are not yet aware so that they can get the help that they may need.

I will leave the web address to the spiritual centers here and again do not feel that I am trying to force anything onto you. I only want to help in whatever way I can.

Here is the web address: http://www.lighthousespiritualcentre.ca/churches/html

I really hope that you will not continue to hold any hard feelings against me, I am truly sorry for coming across the way I did.

Care4u

[mamabets]

Care4U- I am with Maskott- There have just been way too many things that you have known that ONLY could have been Danny reaching out. The more open one is to this, the more readily available it becomes. My prayer is that all may one day find their way to it... My goodness, there is a forum here at Beyond Indigo- ADC and Visions- After Death Communication- This beautiful Beyong Indigo has helped all of us here, I would like to think, and there is this available here as well for a reason... It happens to many of us, and Care4U, I thank you and pray for ALL of us here.... This is a gruesome walk and I love all of you for the courage to come and try to get help. God Bless all of our angels...xoxomamabets

[foreverchanged]

Care4U- I am with Maskott- There have just been way too many things that you have known that ONLY could have been Danny reaching out. The more open one is to this, the more readily available it becomes. My prayer is that all may one day find their way to it... My goodness, there is a forum here at Beyond Indigo- ADC and Visions- After Death Communication- This beautiful Beyong Indigo has helped all of us here, I would like to think, and there is this available here as well for a reason... It happens to many of us, and Care4U, I thank you and pray for ALL of us here.... This is a gruesome walk and I love all of you for the courage to come and try to get help. God Bless all of our angels...xoxomamabets

Care4U should stick to the above mentioned forum.

BTW, Care4U, I thought you weren't going to post again?

[foreverchanged]

I am terribly sorry to all the parents who have come to this place looking for some comfort but instead were assaulted with the post by Care4U. (There is a place for that and it is not this particular forum.)

Grieving parents are so desperately hungry for something . . . please don't fall prey to a stupid post on the freaking Internet and let it sway you from what/who you know is Truth.

I understand that there will be different beliefs and all that in a place like this. So, please go to the appropriate thread, forum or whatever you call it and post accordingly. For instance, I am a Christian. However, you don't read things about my faith and beliefs in this thread.

[mamabets]

For All that are Angry Here- We are all here together...Forums are just open to more freedom to "feel" and "help" each other, as far as I am concerned.. I have visited this forum, for my 25 year old son will forever be my little boy... I pray that the anger subsides, as it is part of this process and others need to be considered as well. The anger "stings", and we have all known it. However, this should not be the place to dump it, because this is a place th help, not hurt. Anger hurts...Care4U and my other loved ones here have just carried me through a brutal week... I will pray for your peace as well...xoxomamabets

[foreverchanged]

You have got to understand that it is not "anger" talking. At least on my end. Care4U's post has prompted me to go back through each and every one of the postings I have made here. I have deleted personal information. Intimate details of my child's death and loss are not going to be put on here again.

You know, Mamabets, you have lost a child. I would never dream to judge you or tell you how you grieve or cope is wrong. I know better than that. That is not my intent.

My intent is to keep things where they belong. The things that Care4U is talking about does not need to be in this thread. I am sure that many hurting parents who need this place may not feel comfortable with what she is talking about. They may see what she has written and leave.

I know where the thread is if I want that kind of information. I didn't click on that one. I clicked on this one.