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Mimi's Song - a Son's Survival Guilt


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Mimi's Song

I type here thru the haze of incipient and real tears

I am trying to find a way

To make it ok

To live

To Care

About myself

I dare not loose myself in loving for fear

Of loosing a part of myself

Of being lost forever

Of dying slowly in the pain of loss

Of loosing me?

So what?

What have I done to deserve my life

A life that SHE gave me

A life that SHE nurtured





screamed,made guilty of

Laugh'd at my laughs

cried my tears

Reveled in my triumphs

Prided herself in


And now, SHE

that wonderful, contradictory, brilliant, joyous, correcting

aspiration engendering, devastatingly funnily foulmouthed

Lexicon of everything cultured,profane, profound, and precious

SHe with her hand in mine...after

SHe, who made me promise she would not suffer

   would not feel

The dark hand,

That squeezed the breath out of her,

SHe, who's ebullience, brilliance,

Always one step ahead of me,

Made me, want to

Need to,

Must Call Mimi

Call her every morning,

To validate my day...

And tell her how beautiful the sun,

Slowly splashing on the mountain top across the way

Was finally made real

Only when I described it to her

as a word song ,

Singing her one of her beloved Monet's


Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee .....

Mimiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.....OH Godddddddddddd How I ache

How I need her....


Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh My Mimiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Please come back...

Please be proud of me again

Please share your wonderment and joy at life

Please  release me from the guilt of trusting others

Of distance, of living

I am ready...I have nothing to live for ...no one to Tell me

"Hi, my love!", the moment she recognized my voice

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....that pain...washing my soul

Allowing me to see....how short






And as I take the inevitable breath

After the tears,

The sweetness of pain


Of memories of her laughter

that I caused

of memories of my own laughter

Mimi caused...

The love

The pride

of being her son

scrubs the barnacles of self indulgent blarney

From me

Get on with it,

SHE says

Spread the love

SHE says

Make someone laugh

Hug someone who needs it

Just hug someone.

So, Mimi,

I am hugging

every-one who reads this

And not letting go

Until they need to go

and LIVE, and Laugh

and Hug someone else.

Thank you Mimi

For the memories

that make me more

Than I was

I, we

All were sooooooo


By the simple fact

That YOU were in our lives


....I want to call her again,

I want to say again, "Mimi mudder....Did you know I love you bunches?"


"...what am I interrupting?", I've got this great dirty limrick"

...and I can't wait to hear her guffaw,

Almost to the point of peeing herself.


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