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LOSS OF A CHILD DUE TO DISEASE


lolynbo

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THIS PAGE IS SET UP FOR MY BABY GIRL, KOURTNEY LYYNN BRACKETT-CARGAL, SHE LOVES LIFE AND WAS FULL OF IT..SHE FOUND OUT SHE HAD A BRAIN TUMOR NOVEMBER 4, 2007, WE HAD SURGERY SET FOR NOVEMBER 29TH, AND HER TUMOR BURST AND SHE HAD A STROKE, NOVEMBER 15TH...AFTER SERVERAL SUGERIES SHE GOT SOME BETTER. SHE WOULD RESPOND TO COMMANDS, AND LOOKED AROUND AND SEEMED TO RECOGNIZE US. SHE EVEN HAD HER CELL PHONE PLACED IN HER HAND AND SHE WOULD FLIP IT SHUT.

KOURTNEY WAS AT OU MEDICAL CENTER IN OK CITY FOR 7 MONTHS AND HER DAD (MONTY) AND DAD (SCOTT), HUSBAND BRENT AND MOTHER LORRI, NEVER LEFT HER SIDE..

     SHE GOT TO LEAVE OU AND WENT TO A NURSING HOME AND WAS THER FOR 3 WEEKS TIL SHE GOT A TYPE OF PNUMONIA, THEN WAS SENT BACK TO OU, WHEN THIS CLEARED UP SHE WAS THEN SENT TO ANOTHER NURSING HOME IN WARNER OKLAHOMA, WHERE THEY LOVED AND CARED FOR HER AND US. THEN SHE GOT A BRAIN BLEED AND WE WERE SENT TO MUSKOGEE HOSPITAL, WHERE THEY SENT US BACK TO OU. OU SAID THAT SHE HAD A BLEED AND THAT IT SEEMED TO BE ABOUT THE SAME FROM DAY TO DAY FROM THE CAT SCAN, SO THEY SENT US BACK TO THE NURSING HOME..WE GOT TO STAY ONE NIGHT AND WENT BACK TO MUSKOGEE....KOURTNEY WAS DYING, THE BLOOD WAS ALL IN HER BRAIN AND JESUS WANTED HER AND SHE WANTED TO GO....SHE FOUGHT A VERY TOUGH FIGHT, SHE INDURED MORE THEN ANYONE CAN IMAGINE. SHOTS, RADIATION, TUBE FEEDINGS, BLOOD BEING DRAWN DAILY, THROWING UP, AND  EVEN SHEDDING A TEAR...SHE WAS WANTING TO END HER PAIN AND SUFFERING AND KNOWING KOURTNEY LYNN, ALL OF OUR PAIN AND SUFFERING TOO..SHE ALWAYS THOUGHT OF OTHER PEOPLE BEFORE HERSELF...WE DECIDED TO TAKE HER OFF THE BREATHING MACHINE ON SATURDAY JUNE 14TH, AND SHE PASSED AWAY SO PEACEFULLY TUESDAY JUNE 17, 2007...THE NURSES AND DOCTORS COULD NOT BELIEVE SHE HELD ON SO LONG...BUT THEY DIDNT KNOW KOURTNEY LYNN BRACKETT-CARGAL

SHE WAS/AND IS AN AMAZING PERSON, ALWAYS HELPING, THINKING OF OTHERS, BUYING THINGS FOR OTHER PEOPLE, DIDNT PLAY THE GAMES GIRLS DO...THE HE SAID SHE SAID CRAP...SHE WAS A VERY SWEET PERSON AND ALL THAT KNOW HER AND WORTH KNOWING THEMSELVES WOULDNT SAY A BAD WORD ABOUT HER...BECAUSE THERE WERE NONE TO SAY...

SHE WAS MY BABY DAUGHTER, MY BEST FRIEND, MY LIL SHADOW...AND I DON'T KNOW HOW I WILL GET BY WITH OUT HER, BUT WHEN I BRAKEDOWN I PRAY TO GOD AND KOURTNEY "KEEP ME STRONG- GET ME THOUGH THIS" AND SOMETIMES IT WORKS SOMETIMES I CRY...(LOTS OF TIMES I CRY) OUR MONTY, KIMBERLY AND KODY'S LIVES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME OUR LIL FAMILY OF FIVE IS FOUR ON EARTH ONE IN HEAVEN...WE HURT AS WELL AS MY MOM, MONTYS MOM, AUNT LU, UNCLE ROY, CODY, BRENT ,SCOTT AND PATTY AND SOOOOOOOOOOO MANY MORE PEOPLE.

REST IN PEACE MY ANGEL..YOU WERE ONE ON EARTH I KNOW YOUR ONE IN HEAVEN..I LOVE YOU KOURTNEY..FOREVER LOVED ALWAYS MISSED!!!

HOW DO WE GO ON FROM HERE? HOW DO WE GET THE HELL OF THE HOSPITAL (S) OUT OF OUR HEADS, HOW DO WE GET THE HOSPITAL NIGHT MARES TO STOP????

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I know we have spoken a couple of times and I know that you and I are both wondering if we will ever get the hospital nigthmare out of our heads. I will share to you what I have been trying to do these last couple of days. Tanner was only 21 months old but he was a man's man. He did everything his daddy, uncle or papa's did. His favorite thing in the whole world was tools. Not the cheap plastic toys, but the real toys the guys used. If you sat one down you better watch out little Tan  would come and snatch it before you knew it was gone. In this since we decided to have him burried with a Snap-On wrench. He is holding it in his left hand. When I think of Tanner in the hospital hooked up to all the tubes and machines and dialysis, I try and erase that and think of him with his wrench in his hand and up there in heaven with so many of our loved ones. I see him chasing everyone down with that wrench. I know your beloved Kourtney and Tanner have met up there. And I know my little boy and his stubborness is probally fighting with someone about that stupid wrench. It helps for a while to erase the hospital from my mind. Then I cry, but when I cry I see him with that wrench he loved so much. I do have the hospital in my head when I talk about his sickness, but then I know our little Mighty Mouse is not in pain anymore and he can play with his tools like he always did. I hope this helps, it has a little for me, but not completely. Cassie

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WHAT A NEAT FEELING TO THINK MY KOURTNEY CAN KISS AND HOLD LIL TANNER....SHE LOVED KIDS SOOOO MUCH AND WANTED TO HAVE SOME SOON....

I DREAMED OF HER LAST NIGHT BUT DONT WANT TO SAY WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT (HER MARRIGE) IT WAS STRANGE...IM SO TIRED TODAY FEELS LIKE I TRAVELED ?????

COOPER IS SUCH A NEAT NAME THATS MY MAIDEN NAME....ODD COINCIDENCES..

 

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SLOW AND STEADY....TODAY IS THE DAY WE FOUND THAT SHE HAD "A BLOCKAGE"  SO THE NEXT FEW WEEKS ARE GOING TO BE HELL (AGAIN) FOR US....I WISH I COULD JUST GO TO SLEEP AND WAKE UP AROUND MID JAN THEN I HAVE HER BIRTHDAY IN FEB...SO ID LIKE TO SLEEP TIL ......I GUESS I WILL JUST SLEEP...IT DONT SEEM TO BE ANY GOOD DATES....

TANNER IS SOOOO CUTE...BLESS HIS LIL HEART...HE'S A LITTLE BABY ANGEL...IM PRAYING FOR YOU....IM HERE...(WELL NOT MENTALLY BUT IM HERE)

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Thank you. I understand about the sleeping thing. I got put on two different antidepressants today. I feel like some crazy lunatic  on crazy pills. But I haven't been sleeping and when I do I have nightmares. So I had to do what I had to. I understand about the hell you are fixing to go through. I just contacted a lawyer. He is going to investigate Tanner's case. Without going into too many details we a suspicion that Tanner was not taken care of like he should have been. I honestly feel in my heart that if the doctors did everything possible my baby would be here today with me. So I had to be put on crazy pills. It's been a month since we lost Tanner and I know that its gonna be a long road a head because of the investigation. Well gotta go hubby just got home. Take care....Cassie

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Cassie

You are not a crazy person.  I have been on antidepressants for at least 5 years - they help me.

My son Brian was killed on 6-19-08 due to car-surfing.  The young man who killed my son was driving 68 miles an hour with my son on the hood.  He lost control and took out 3 trees.  My son died at the scene.

One question James asked earlier was "Do you think everything happens for a reason? - God did not tell Brian to get on the hood of that car.  Brian told Brian to get on the hood of that car.  God did not tell Mike to drive 68 miles an hour with my son on the hood of the car - Mike made Mike do that - God received Brian - He did not take him - That was Brian's decision.

Please have patience with yourself - that is my biggest problem.  I am an Engineer for an aerospace company.  My job requires much technical work and concentration.  Concentration - what is that?

I took a month off of work and now work 4 days a week.  It took me an entire 4 months to get my head out of the fog.  I could not remember things, concentrate, think, answer - all I did was suffer from the pain of this grief.

Brian would have been a senior in HS this year - your best year of HS.  How could a 16 year old die like this?

I will practice what I preach and I am finally starting to accept this new life - I hate it, but I am starting to accept my fate.

Colleen,  Brian's Mother Forever

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