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My son in law


countrygal2004

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countrygal2004

MY son in law was killed on Oct.11,2008 in a motorcylce accident. A pickup truck ran a red light and hit him.He left behind his wife and his childern, plus his mother and father,sisters and a brother, and alot of friends.He was only 33 still had alot of years to live.He was a good father and a husband.He was a friend to everyone and would give the shirt off his back to help someone.My daughter is having a very hard time dealing with the loss.I do as mush as I can to help, but I am worried about her.I know its going to take time for her and her kids to deal with the loss.She cries alot and also angry because of the accident that cost him his life.I need some advice on helping her.

 

 

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Country Gal - I lost both of my parents to a car accident - Dad died instantly and I agreed to turn off my Mums life support several hours later.  Your daughter will no doubt still be in shock and trying to keep it together for the sake of the children etc. My advice to you is to be a good listener and not be judgemental to anything that she wants to do or says.  It is a very traumatic time for her.  I have been to grief counselling and I found that this was very helpful.  You can go through 5 stages of grief all in one hr or days apart.  You can be teary, angry, depressed, lonely, sad, and confused.  There are many books you can borrow from a library, read other postings from those who have lost in similar circ**stances, or seek professional counselling.  Most of all give her space and understanding - time will ease the pain and she will find herself again when she is ready.  The children will also find the time very difficult to understand (not sure how old they are?) Encourage everyone to talk about the loss and how they feel, it helps to get it out and not bottle things up. Create a memory scrapbook (when the time is right) Do something special together that he would have normally done(when the time is right) If the house is untidy, the garden overgrown, who cares - sometimes these things are not as important as just surviving the day.  Long walks together can also be helpful - just take lots of tissues!.  Unfortunately the journey is just begining and the road is long and bumpy. You sound like a supportive person and I am sure that you will find the right way to be of help - just remember no-ones grief is ever the same - we are all different. Let things go slowly and encourage your daughter not to make serious decisions as this is a very emotional time.  Take care and dont forget to also look after yourself, as you too have suffered a loss.  Hugs from Australia, Gayle

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countrygal2004

Thanks for the reply, I am sorry for your loss too.It is difficult time for all of us,especially my daughter the kids, and also my son in laws parents, this was their son.Everytime I go by the intersection where the accident happened it sends cool chills up my spine.I am trying to be supportive.She stays busy, and always has company all trying to help.Sometimes I think she needs some quiet time to herself.They did everything together,except work.He was a good man, a caring father and husband, and a good provider also.He was very well liked by alot of people and has tons of friends.It hurts me to see my daughter going through this pain, and now the holidays are coming up and going to be very difficult for her and his family.I think some kind of counciling may help, and may help her kids especailly the older kids.She has 2 small kids also 2 and a 3 yr old who doesnt really understand what happened, other than the 3 yr old knows her daddy is dead, because she said it.My daughter knows I am here for her, I stay in touch with her all the time.

Anyway thanks for the help and the advice.

Countrygal2004

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