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it still hurts...


lastlove19

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It is going on two years on Oct.15th since my boyfriend, Vincent, died. I NOW know that time heals our pains but not all of them. these past few weeks have been very hard on me. HIs famly never buried him when he died so i have no place to "Visit" him. Except the place where he died, which is a telephone pole on a busy street. When i am there it is the only place that i can feel close to him, for it was the last place he was ALIVE. I still miss him so much and think about him everyday, and mostly its the " what ifs" that hinder me the most. I find myself listening to the same music and watching shows he liked just to have a sence of closeness to him. As time has moved on I now have a new boyfriend and i am noticeing issuse in my new relationship. I don't enjoy so of things i do with my new boyfriend, because i enjoied them with Vincent. I almost feel like I am being unfaithul to Vincent being sexual with another guy. thats Probably crazy talk because i know he would want me to move on and not be sad. Last year, I put out white balloons where he died and that night i let them go. I also took his mother a bundle of red roses with a smiple card from me.I plan to do that this year as well, but i want to get a big balloon and write something special on it for Vincent, then let it go up to Heaven.:)

 

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missingcurtis

I think the idea of releasing the balloons is a great idea.  My sisters and I did that on the one year date after my mother passed away.

It is very normal to feel like you do as the anniversary date gets closer.  My husband passed away going on 3 years in December.  I keep reliving all the days in the hospital and wondering if I did enough to help him or get him enough help.

Vincent will always have a special place in your heart.  Around here I am always seeing flowers or crosses by the side of road, knowing that someone lost a loved one. 

Time does heal but a little bit of you will always love him.

(((HUGS)))

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Thank you so much for your uplifting words.  i'm sorry abou tyou husband. I just worry that i will never find a guy that will truly understand my love and lost.

thanks again, nikki

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i have a problem and i am confused about how my new boyfriend is feeling. he said i have to let go of vincent completely to ever love someone else... i don't understand how he can ask me to that! I will never let him go, Vincent will always be in my heart. i think the new guy is jealous of vincent but its not like i talk about him all the time, only resently because it was him two year ann. on the 15th and i wanted to go and put flowers out for him. i really liked this new guy and he was helping my grow more as a christian then ever but after last night and what he said. how can he be a true christian and not have compassion for my feeling about Vincent?

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I think the new guy is insecure and afraid you are comparing him to Vincent and he won't measure up.  He probably has never been in your shoes and may not even had to deal with the death of someone close to him.  If he thinks you are holding on for Vincent, he may be worried that he is wasting his time, that you will never be able to love again. Which isn't true. If you are able to reassure him that Vincent was part of your life for a while and while you will never forget him, it has been said time heals.  I am sure you have heard the saying...People come into our life for a reason, sometimes they stay a long time and sometimes they don't but all teach us something.  If he is willing to be patient it will all work out according to God's will.  Sometimes the devil tries to interfere.  If you ask God to guide you, he will.    

Just my opinion, maybe it will help.  Let us know what happens...

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well... i prayed about it and i ended it with the new guy. my heart sank when he said "I really care about you and love you, Im scared i'll never find another good girl like you, please rethink all this." i felt so bad, like the worst person in the world. maybe i did move to fast to end things but... he told me that he didn't understand why i couldn't just forget about VIncent, that he forgot about all his other girlfriends. Why can I? another thing that has been bothering me is the new guy is 25 years old and still lives with his parents which i can't say much i still live at home too. but i go to school fulltime and work partime and i pay bills at home. he does none of the above. though he is starting college this spring, but no job. my mother said, i need to cut him lose before i have to raise him and the kids!!(he has no kids and neither do i) 

i don't know how i really feel-  i almost feel torn between  two worlds or something. i'm feel as if i'm waiting for someone to pull me into one or the other. but not sure which one i want to be in.

any advice would be worderful. thanks

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