Members starynitesm Posted October 9, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 Well, in month it will be one year since I lost my father. It was a sudden loss for me but in reality he was sick for a long time and no one was able to admit it. I have been doing okay for the last few months but as I hit this milestone the pain and the trauma of it is coming back. My father never went to the doctor, never got tested for a blood disorder that ran in the family, and never took very good care of himself. BUT despite all these things he was a very giving and a loving man who focused all his attention on the ones he cared most about. This is why it bothers me so much that I can't stop getting the terrible images of the day he died out of my head. I have been to my counselor. I have practice the techniques taught to me to deal with my PTSD from the hospital room but I can't seem to stop struggling with this. I guess I just need to keep being present with my feelings and allow myself to take as much time as I need to get through the grieving process.A year mark is rough. It feels like yesterday but at the same tme it feels like a lifetime ago. I am currently facing changes in my life that are making this anniversary hard. I am moving back to where I grew up and where my father lived; and my husband and I are trying to have our first child. All this is good stuff for me but it is very sad because I wanted so much to share all these things with him. I honestly can say I know I will never get over the loss of him. He was so many things to me and he played a huge role in my life that will never be filled again. I was able to say my goodbye to him but he was not able to say his and that is hard. I know he has passed over and I know he is happy-- but here on earth this process is so difficult for the living. I could go on and on about all the feelings swirling in my head. With time, I believe I will let all these feelings about him slowly seep out till I remember all those special times I have shared with him and hope that the scary moments he had in the end, that plague me at times, will fade away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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