Members nicolaslovebug Posted October 7, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 7, 2008 On April 14, 2007 my van was t-boned by a truck and it was my faultfor pulling out into the intersection. You see I had a stop sing but the car that hit us did not. I had a blind spot-a church sign, so I didn't see the truck coming. But it doesn't change the fact that I fell responcible and my 22 month old baby is dead! His name is Nicolas and he is my little Lovebug. I miss him and have just now accepted he is not coming back. Even though I was injured it doesn't matter. My little man is gone. How do i cope with what is not going to happen. I mourn for the loss of his life but also for the loss of his life that would have been. Nicolas did have a big vocab for a 22 month old. I should be happy for the words I did hear. But I never heard I Love You Mommy! But I did feel his love and he felt mine everyday. I wante to know if I will ever be able to get out of the house and finish my life. I want to honor Nick in all i do but I have a hard time just doing! If anyone has words of wisdom for me PLEASE write back. I am at the point where i want to grieve and mourn but it is so hard and I am scared to let the floodgates open because thney may never close! I just want him back and I want God to wake me up from this BAD dream and give my baby back! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 4froggies Posted October 7, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 7, 2008 I am so sorry for your loss. I just can't imagine. I am on these boards because I struggle with the loss of my father, so I can't say that I understand your pain and your grief, but I can say I understand feeling lost and hopeless.Have you considered grief counseling? I know it helped me greatly.First--you can't spend your life blaming yourself for his passing. No amount of time will change what happened and your little baby wouldn't want you spending the rest of your life in misery. I agree 100% with honoring him for the rest of your life, and in doing that, I would do my best to LIVE. Living doesn't mean we forget or even that we are OK with what happened, it just means that we accept that it will not change and try and forge on.By forging on, I don't mean picking up where life left off, because it's simply not possible. The lives we led before loss are no longer, we need to find our own ways in our new lives without the loved ones we have lost--in this case your Lovebug. It's ok to smile again, it's ok to smile--it's also ok to have days of tears and grieving, because that's all part of the process.I will pray for you as you continue on your journey through grief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members brocksmum Posted October 9, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 I dont have any words of wisdom for you....but on the 16th february this year I too was in a car accident in which my 23 month old baby boy died. Yeah i feel pretty responsible and guilty too as I was the one driving the car, I swerved to miss an animal and the car skidded on a wet road and hit a tree. I came away from that accident with just a few cuts and bruising, which adds to my guilt even more.My little boy's name is Brock and i too never got to hear him say love you mummy. I still expect it all to be a bad dream and i that will wake up and Brock is going to be in his cot smiling at me waiting for me to get him up so he can run around. I know this is not the reply you were looking for Nicolaslovebug but I felt my story was in some ways similar to yours and that i just maybe might have a little understanding of what you are going through. Life can be so cruel and unfair sometimes !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nicolaslovebug Posted October 10, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted October 10, 2008 Brocksmum,Our sad stories are very similar. I am sure Brock was a wonderful little bundle of energy and love. I bet you felt his love everyday even if he couldn't say the words yet. Our little angles are in Heaven holding hands making a connection as we connect right now. It makes me happy to think that. I would love to share pictures with you of our little boys. tinagurley@hotmail.com is my email if you want nto talk privatley. It is hard in here sometimes. I am so very sorry for your loss and I know people have probably told you that they know how you feel but they dont unless they have loss a child. Well I do know the pain, loss, guilt and saddness you suffer with. I will pray for you as I pray for me!Thank you for sharing your story with me, I know it took courage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nicolaslovebug Posted October 10, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted October 10, 2008 4froggies,Thank you so much for replying and showing you care. i am sorry you lost your father. I am sure it is hard everyday! I have tried counceling and support groups. But I am still struggling. Thank you for your kind words! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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