KOURTNEYS STORY

[lolynbo]

I just wanted to share about my lil girl Kourtney..she was 21 just married to her love of her life, in feb 07, in nov 07 she was having headaches, so we took her tot he doctors, we found a tumor and had surgery scheduled Nov 29th, Nov 15th the tumor burst and she had a series of strokes, it was a groolin life in hell for me (her mom) her step dad her real dad and her husband, we were in the hosp at OU med for 7 months only leaving 3 weeks to go to a nursing home, then to return to the hosp for more surgery and test, to go another 3 weeks to another nursing home, then finally in June she got another bleed and we were sent to another hosp in Muskogee, where she died June 17th, with 20 people or more by her side...

I NEVER SAW IT COMING I ALWAYS THOUGHT AND PRAYED SHE WOULD GET BETTER AND WE WOULD GO HOME...SHE WENT HOME WITH JESUS NOT MY HOME...KOURTNEY IS/WAS THE SWEETEST NICEST GIRL, EVERYONE ALWAYS TOLD ME SHE WAS THEIR GIRL...THE FUNERAL WAS STANDING ROOM ONLY, SOME PEOPLE HAD TO LEAVE BECAUE THEY COULDNT GET IN.....

I HAVE 2 OTHER CHILDREN 16 YR OLD BOY, AND A 24 YR OLD GIRL...BUT HOW DO I GO ON WITH OUT MY KOURTNEY?????LIKE I SAID I NEVER SAW IT COMING IT JUST KEPT SNOWBALLING....

THEN I HAVE A GOOD DAY FOLLOWED BY SEVERAL BAD DAYS...I JUST PRAY GOD WILL REVEAL HIS PLAN TO ME AND HELP ALL OF US THAT ARE MISSING HER SO...

KOURTNEY LYNN BRACKETT-CARGAL 22 YRS OLD

FEBRUARY27, 1986 TO JUNE 17, 2008

I MISS YOU SO BABY GIRL

[heartbeataway]

lolynbo,

I am so sorry for your loss. You are not even four months into this journey.  That is such a tough time!

All I can say to you is that the journey is long, it's tough and it will never end. But, it will get softer.  You will learn to live through your grief not under it.

I pray for strength and rest for you and your family.

Again, I am so, so sorry!

Bonnie

[lolynbo]

THANK YOU BONNIE...IM SORRY FOR YOURS AS WELL, THOUGH I DONT KNOW THE STORY...A LADY TOLD ME WHEN KOURTNEY FIRST PASSED, THAT SHE ENVEID (SP) ME BECAUSE WE HAD 7 MONTHS TO SAY GOOD BYE...I TOLD HER I DIDNT KNOW WE WERE SAYING GOOD BYE..HER'S WAS KILLED IN A CAR WRECK...BOTH ARE HORRIBLE CIRCUMSTANCES...

 

WE DO GO TO GROUP COUNCELING, ME MY SON AND MY HUSBAND...WHAT IS THE HARDEST TO LIVE THROUGH IS THE 7 MONTHS AT THE HOSP AND ALL THAT EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER WE WERE ON, WE NEVER LEFT HER SIDE FOR MORE THEN HOURS IN THE DAY...AND THEN OF COURSE THE DAILY LIFE NOW WITH OUT HER, I FEEL LIKE I HAVE LOST 10 CHILDREN BECUASE SHE WAS/IS SO MANY PPL TO ME, MY DAUGHTER, MY BEST FRIEND, THE MOTHER OF HER KIDS (WHICH SHE NEVER GOT TO HAVE....ETC.....

BEST REGARDS TO YOU I WILL PRAY FOR YOU AS WELL

LORRI L (KOURTNEYS MOM-MOTHER OF ANGEL)

[shorty16]

Your daughter sounds like a wonderful girl.  I am fresh off the death of my 16 year old son, Brian from a car accident on 6-19-08.  The grief, for me, is getting worse not better beause I am beginning to realize he is really not coming back.

I also have two other children, Aaron who is 14 and a freshman at the same high school his brother would have been a senior and a daughter 18 who is a freshman at UW Milwaukee.

I am thinking an praying for you.  I cry daily and cannot keep a thought in my head.  I am trying to work 32 hours a week, but I have a difficult job as a Quality Assurance Engineer - Lead Auditor.  I try very hard, but cannot keep thoughts in my head.

We are also dealing with the court system.  The driver is facing Homicide by neglegent use of a moter vehicle.  My son was on the hood of a car and the driver was going 68 miles an hour in a 25 mile an hour zone.  How does this happen.  Why does this happen.

We need to talk to each other and try to get through this together.  We know your pain.

 

Colleen

 

 

[lolynbo]

COLLEEN,

I KNOW HOW DO WE GO ON...LEAST YOUR AT WORK, WE OWN OUR OWN COMPANY FOR NOW IF I DONT CAUSE US TO LOSE IT, IM TRYING TO WORK FROM HOME BUT...

IM SOOOOO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS OF YOUR PRECIOUS SON, DID HE GET HIT BY THE CAR OR WHAT? YOU MAY HAVE SAID BUT IM LIKE YOU ITS HARD TO CONSENTRATE.

YOU HAVE GOT TO FIND A FREE COUNCELING WE GO TO CROSS TIMBER HOSPICE AND THEY HAVE SEVERAL CHAPTERS IN DIFF LOCATIONS, ITS CALLED COMPASIONATE FRIENDS...LOOK THEM UP.ITS GROUP COUNCELING AND WE REALLY FELT AT HOME THERE...I CANT BELIEVE WE ARE PART OF THIS GROUP/CLUB, I NEVER WANTED TO BE IN.

YES I REALIZE KOURTNEY WILL NEVER BE BACK THAT THIS IS PERMANANT (TIL GOD TAKES US ALL HOME) IT HIT ME THE OTHER DAY TOO, BUT I HAVE TO KNOW SHE ISNT SUFFERING AND NO LONGER HAS HEADACHES, OR NEEDS RADIATION ....AND SHE WASNT LIVING IN THAT BED...JUST EXISTING...THEN I LOOK AROUND AND SEE PPL IN WHEEL CHAIRS AND YES THEY ARE LIVING BUT KOURTNEY KNEW LIFE AND SHE WOULDNT BE HAPPY ABOUT THAT..

I WILL PRAY FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY...ALL OF YALL WILL FEEL DIFFERENT AT DIFFERENT TIMES...WE JUST THE MOTHERS AND WE CARRIED THEM, SO IT CUTS US TO THE BONE...BUT THEY ARE SUFFERING TOO..

LOVE YOU AND HUGGING YOU FROM OKLAHOMA

LORRI BOATRIGHT

KOURTNEY LYNN BRACKETT-CARGALS MOMMA

[cameronsmom1]

I just wanted to say that I am so glad to see you on here. I really hope that you can find some comfort on here like I have. There are so many different people on here that have experienced different types of loss. Some are new at it and others have been past many anniversaries of their loss. I have had a lot of great tips on coping with my loss and feel like I have been able to help others too. Hope to hear from you soon.

Amanda (Mother of an Angel Baby)

[lolynbo]

THIS IS MY BABY GIRL KOURTNEY

SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT...KIND AND THOUGHTFUL, MY BEST FRIEND

LORRI L

KOURTNEYS MOMMA

[johnnysmama]

Dearest Lorri and Collen-

Kourtney is a beautiful girl. I am so sorry for both of your losses. It is so raw for you now. I am 18 months out from losing my 21 year old son and I can say it never goes away, life will never be the same but the raw pain will soften so you can continue on thru life. I remember going back to work 5-6 weeks later and crying or wanting to cry all the time. I was really scared I couldnt do it-I didnt want to and couldnt hardly function. Then at 5 months out it became my salvation. I teach Kindergarten and those sweet, pure wide eyed little people thought that they needed me but the feeling was mutual. They helped me get up, breathe, start to live. It all happened slowly. Very slowly. There is no timeline so dont put one on yourself. I still think of and miss my son all the time. I am just able to coexist living and grieving. He actually keeps me going-I want to honor him by living my best life-as hard as that is. He had 2 younger sisters. They are the other reason to try my best. I cry now thinking of your raw, fresh pain and wish I could ease it some. This forum is a godsend and so are the people in it. I post on the loss of an adult child but you can go where you want and all are so kind. On that post I can tell you from experience they are the kindest, most loving, supportive and non-judgemental people I know. They are also very wise. I credit them with my going on, too. They are family.

Take care and post all you need. We are here, We care and we understand.

Hugs, Kay

Johnnysmama 1/30/86-3/12/07

[lovekristy4ever]

Lorri,

Your daughter Kourtney is beautiful. 

My daughter Kristy died of a bleed in her brain caused by what is called AVM (atrial venus malformation).  I also have a 16 year old son.  Life has been very difficult since she left us on April 15, 2008.  I returned to work on July 1st and it was very, very difficult.  I have to say that now, work is my salvation.  It keeps my mind busy during the day.  At night it allows me to be "normal" for my son and I allow myself to cry during those in between times like driving home or when I go to bed.  I do think it is "one step forward-two steps back" during this first year.  I miss her more than life itself and she too was my best friend. 

I wish you peace on your grief journey.  It is difficult but trust in your faith.  Sometimes the only thing that gets me through is knowing that one day I will be with her again. 

Hugs,

Terry

[lolynbo]

your daughter is beautiful as well, she has that same warming smile as kourtney. was her death instantly or did it last 7 months or so like kourtneys. i too have a 16yr old son, i tell him sometimes i just have to cry..he says he understands..he has been great though all this, myself, my hubby and son go to monthly counceling...we look forward to it, and it seems to help, its group counceling so its easier..

i just pray god helps all of us on this website...keep in touch plz

lorri l

kourtneys momma

kourtney lynn brackett-cargal

february 27, 1986 to june 17, 2008

[lovekristy4ever]

Hi Lorri,

Kristy was in the hospital for 8 days.  The visions of those eight days haunt me so I can't imagine what you went through for seven months.  She was only 14 years old when she died, she would be a sophomore this year.  My son is a junior and he has truly been my strength.  I am so pround of him and his strength.  Kristy lived life bigger than anyone else I know.  She was truly a warm, caring, wonderful person. 

We went to counseling and have also attending some Compassionate Friends meetings.  The last couple of months I think I've been going through an "avoidance" phase.  I needed to step back and I have even stayed off BI for a couple months.  Right after Kristy died, I threw myself into support groups, counseling and I read all kinds of books on death of a child, heaven, and grieving.  I was focusing everything I had on Kristy's death and the grief and really not doing anything else so I think I just did a total about face for a couple of months.  I needed to.  Now I'm trying to find the balance.  I am planning on going back to the Compassionate Friends meeting this month since the last meeting I attended was in June.  They are nice people there but it is also very sad since we are all going through the same thing.

I read some of your other posts.  Kourtney sounds like a beautiful person. 

Hugs,

Terry

[shorty16]

I have a 14 year old son, Aaron and he is my strength also.  He is a freshman at the same high school his brother, Brian would have been a senior. 

Aaron has made that school his and not a memorial to his Brother.  I draw strength from hom dealing with seeing the boy who killed his brother every day.  I would fall apart and Aaron is happy and flurishing.

I am in awe of my son, Aaron.

It seems the roles have reversed and he is caring for me.

 

[lolynbo]

what a STRONGE AMAZING SON YOU HAVE , to be able to go to school with the same person. what strenghth is that...for such a young kid...

its just not fair when you read these stories on here,,or should i saw lives, they are not stories we lived them, somehow....

the pain just from dull to sharp to unreal. and it hits you at the oddest times...

i no alot of ppl in our town that have lost children and i think of them often, and think how do they go on...NOW IM ONE....and have you noticed ppl see you at walmart then look away as if they dont, ya i get ignored alot....i guess they dont no what to say..

IM PRAYING FOR ALL OF US....GODS HERE I FEEL HIM...

LORRI L

KOURTNEYS MOMMA

[lovekristy4ever]

Colleen - Aaron seems like such a strong young man.  I agree with you on how our roles reverse.  Our boys are so strong and they are able to honor their siblings.  There is a large banner on the backstop of the softball field that says "In loving memory of #29, Kristy Edwards".  Bobby has to see that everyday at school but he remains his own individual.  We both have a lot to be very proud of.

Lorri - It isn't fair at all.  We lost our beautiful daughters from this world.  Hold on to the hope that one day we will see them again and it will be glorious.  As far as other people are concerned, I have experienced the same thing.  People just don't know what to say or how to deal with us.  Sometimes family doesn't even know what to say, it must be hard on others to feel so helpless and watch the grief.

I also pray for all of us.

Love,

Terry