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my beautiful son


shorty16

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Brian died on June 19, 2008 at 10:30 pm from blunt force trama to the chest and abdomen.  He was in a car accident.  I am lost in a fog of disbelief.  He was car-surfing.  Brian was on the hood of a car driven by his friend.  His friend drove 68 miles an hour with my son on the hood.  How do you do that?  Why do you do that?  How can I believe. this.  I am a shell of my former self and I have 2 other children to care for.  How doI go on?

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Shorty16,

You go on one step, one breath at a time........ that's all you can do. Your loss is so new that you're still raw from grieving.  You're probably not sleeping well. You can't concentrate or keep on task.  Your every waking moment is spent wondering why and what you could have done to prevent or keep this from happening.

This journey of grief that you've joined is very non-linear.  You will never get over the loss of your son, so your journey will never end.  But, it will get softer with time and you'll come up with ways to keep his memory alive while finding comfort and healing for you and your family.

His friend must be devastated and blaming himself.  This sounds like a night out and a crazy prank with young people who think they are invincible.  They never meant for this to happen.  It was just something they would talk and laugh about later.  But, something went wrong and the lives of everyone involved changed.

Take care of yourself.  Accept help from folks that offer.  Talk to someone professionally. Go for long walks and soak in nature.  Let your mind rest in the beauty.  Cry as many tears as your body will allow and cleanse your battered wounds. Journal your thoughts and as the days and weeks go by, you will see that you are healing and your grief is getting softer.

You will never get over this loss but you will learn to live through it. 

Advice that I was given early on that helped me was to take one hour at a time.  Plan that hour and once it's completed, go to the next one.

I would find myself getting up in the morning and sitting and staring out the window all day.  Shocked that the day was gone ........

You might want to join one of the on going groups.  Not many venture out of the on going blogs very often.  I'm part of Loss of a Child and then Loss of an Adult Child.

Our son was 31 and had undiagnosed heart disease.  His death was unexpected and hit us like a ton of bricks.  He never had a symptom, he just woke up one morning and laid back down and died.  That was seventeen months ago yesterday.

Why?  We will never know the answer to that question. Our son Jason used to say, It Is what it is. 

Take good care.  Pour your heart out with your keyboard and we will listen with our eyes and respond with our hearts and our experience of being just a little further down the path than you.

Bonnie, Jason'sMom

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tanmanmymagicman

I am so sorry for your loss of your son Brian.  How old was he?????

I am not much comfort and am taking the same advice one hr. at a time and know I will need to learn how to live again a new normal. 

My son was 16; driving; no seatbelt; he lost control of the truck and overturned several times he and his friend were throw out; both died; blunt force trauma, head and body;

Its even hard to write my stomach still drops and I have so much aniexty all the time and am on medication; my husband is in a rehab getting counseling; the is having a hard time losing his only son. 

I find myself wanting to be alone and then feeling sorry for myself and being lonely; makes alot of sence, heh?????

My son Tanner was taken Aug. 7, 2007 at almost 12 noon.  Hot Hot Day.

The day I got the phone call..........................................................................:(

Hang in there; it will get better with time; but slowly; and some days you may even feel guilty for feeling good. honest!!!:)

 

 

 

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My son Brian was 16 years old.  He would have been 17 on July 12, 2008.  His 17 birthday was the second worst day of my life.  I cried uncontrollably and find myself being a total bitch to the "intact" families.

We did not deserve this.  I am trying to go back to work, but find myself falling apart around 1pm each day.  dont know why

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tanmanmymagicman

I had just gotten laid off from my job 1 week before my son left us; I was on unemployment and then my Dr. determined I was unable to work; I have panic attacks, high blood pressure and general aniexty all the time; unable to sleep or concentrate or stay on task; but I am working on staying on task but sometimes I feel like I have dementia as I could have something 1 second and can't find it the next ; I have to write notes to myself to remind myself of everything and then I lose the notes. etc. etc.

My son's birthday after the accident was not as bad as Thanksgiving; my son was born on Nov. 28th so I always called him my turkey baby; some years his birthday would fall on thanksgiving; this year it falls on the day after; it scares me to even think about it;

Like me, no one can really help; you have to deal with it in your own way;  Not even sure if I am dealing with it right??????  His bathroom is still like the day he left us; no one has been in there and his clothes still all over the floor;  I feel like he existed and am unable to go in there and pick everything up;  That's the part I don't like; the paralyzed feeling;  Sometimes I don't even feel like myself anymore.  I hope in time it changes; Tanner would not want me to suffer so or his dad either.  Tanner would of been 18 this year; God Bless you;  Do you go to church????? Did Brian go to church???? Our son's were children so they go to heaven automatically is what I am being told ....................Do you see a Dr.? or counseling. I just started going last week;  I feel like unless they have been through the loss they can't help me????:?

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Hello Shorty16, i lost my son BJ on Nov 9th,2008. I also have two young boys at home ages 6 & 8. Since the wreck i have been like a zombie. My days are full but i find myself accomplishing nothing. I have always been a "home-body" but now i don't even want to step outside my house. At first i even dreaded going to the grocery store, you see we live in a small town & everyone knew my son. Some even knew about his death before us. The looks i get, the friendly hello's and then someone will say, " i am sorry to hear about BJ". That one sentence makes me break! I almost want to whisper, "please go away, please go away". My house is filthy most days as i let the boys destroy it, i have piles of dirty clothes and have to have a marathon wash day just to get things under control. If it were up to me absolutely nothing would be done; no bills paid, no work, nothing but pj's worn, no make-up, NOTHING!!! I just have no energy, don't really care or feel about much except my BJ. I have to make myself talk to my husband and try to put on a good show just for him; this aggravates me even more as he won't talk about BJ unless i start the conversation. I often snap at the tiniest things! I want my children around me constantly but i find that i don't have the energy or will power to spend real time with them. In general, my life has basically stopped. I no longer fear death and am quite looking forward to it; then i will see my "boo" again. My son is Bradley (BJ) McElroy

BJsMOM-Deneace

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BJ's Mom,

We also called my 16 year-old Brian BJ.  I have another son, Aaron who turned 15 recently and a daughter who is 18 and a freshman at the local university.

Aaron goes to school with the boy that killed my son.  I am in awe of Aaron everyday and how he can look at Mike (the driver) without punching his lights out.  The driver's name was Mike Hollnagel.  His family and our family have known each other for almost a decade.  We often went to parties at their home.  Not anymore!!!

There was another boy that was a passenger in the car when Mike crashed with Brian on the hood.  We have been family friends with them even longer - not anymore.

Your loss is so new.  For the first 5 months, my brain ran one program - How can Brian be dead?  This really could not have happened?  How can I go on?  But, at about the 5.5 month mark, my brain began to let other things in.  The shock also wore off and the reality stabbed me everyday.

I can totally relate to how you feel.  My husband very rarely initiates a conversation about Brian.  Everytime I bring Brian up, it is like I am stabbing my husband.  I can see him recoil.  My husband says thinking of the crash makes him sick to his stomach.

If I remember your posts, your BJ died when he was hit by a police car - is that right?  My story is so horrific that I cannot even believe it myself.  My BJ was ON the car, not in it.  I still cannot understand how someone drives 68 miles an hour in a 25 with someone on the hood.  I will never comprehend that.

I am thinking of you, just as I know you will be thinking of me.  That is the only way we will make it to the next breath.

Colleen  Brian's Mother Forever

 

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