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Stopping Life Support


cindylouwho2

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4everjoeysmom

Mofirefly--I am so sorry! Yes! The medical staff will lay out the facts and the final decision will be up to the family, namely the wife and their children together, but finally determined by the wife's release signature or whomever she legally designates if she doesn't wish to sign. Gosh! I am so sorry for you and your dear friends...

I think from your perspective of talking with the wife, the medical staff will brief her on conditions and decisions to be made. I would leave that news up to them. I think the very best thing you can do for your friend is be there, comfort here, and let her know you will be with her and there for her no matter what she goes through. You love her, she is your dear friend, you will walk with her, etc.. As for your husband, giving the same love and support, space and whetevr it is he will need in his grief, as you know, is the best advice to share.

I am so, so very sorry. I just can't express it enough, of all you've already lost and gone through. But for the pain and experience you've been through, God surely will use you to bring comfort, compassion and great mercy to your friend. Blessings and love to you all on this difficult journey. -Claudia

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mofirefly

Thank You once again Claudia - We are mostly friends with Jim and have only met his wife once...and they live in California, we're in Missouri...but I wanted to get some information so I could assist her if she asks advice...Just feeling a bit lost/off center/and helpless...but knew I could come here for some support which will help me support my husband. You are a very dear and caring person and even tho I wish I hadn't had to come to this forum, I'm glad it has connected me to so many wonderful people. Peace and love to you. Candy

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4everjoeysmom

Candy, I know 'you' are a beliver. Is your friend Jim a believer, and his wife? Obviously when people have shared faith there is a deeper connection between folks with likeminds and worldviews. But perhaps faith filled discussions can bring extra comfort to your husband and your friend Jim's wife. Not sure where all of that stands. It has definitely helped me to know Joey IS in his perfect eternal life with the Lord, and though difficult for me here, it does give me assurances that I will see him again one day and that he sufferes nothing now. It's hard enough to console a believer. It's a whole different challenge when a person is left with emptiness and no hope... but please know I am praying for you as you journey this difficult path. God bless! -Claudia

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mofirefly

Claudia - During one of my husbands talks with Jim it appears he did accept the Lord as his Savior...and as far as I know his wife and two kids (ages 13 and 11 from a second marriage) did as well...and I agree it makes what is happening easier. By the way, my parents accepted Christ in 1999 at the ages of 79 and 71...which definately made the passing of my dad in 2001 and losing my mom in 2005 far easier than when I've lost loved ones I was unsure of. I'm just very aware that even tho it's been almost 20 months since mom passed, this new event has stressed me out - adding to it that my high school friend is facing surgery for cancer on the 8th...but I DO KNOW that God is in control and will once again carry me when I'm not able. Take care!

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alwaysmyjennifer

mofirefly, I'm sorry that I've been out of touch here, as I've been facing physical matters. You could never have stated it better, that God is ultimately in control. I'm thankful for Jim's salvation. No matter what happens in this life, and while it can be so bitterly painful, we have this hope in our Lord. It's such a comfort knowing we'll get to see them there, and be there forever. I'll keep praying for you and yours. I'm Mark, Jenni's dad

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mofirefly

Mark - Thank you for your prayers. As I stated, God was in control and spared our friend's wife from having to decide about the life support as he passed away in his sleep on Sun. I'll now be watching my husband and be giving him as much support as possible - coming to these boards is my refuge when he sleeps. Take care.

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alwaysmyjennifer

It's beautiful to see His working in our world, eh? I was thinking of my grandfather as I often do, who spent his later years trying to raise me. as we drew close to the day he died, I was about ten hours drive away, but still the miracle was that I was the last person in the family to see him alive. I'm thankful for that. In ways beyond our comprehension in the here and now, God works to make our lives beautiful. My prayers are with your friend's family as they now must go through the grieving process.

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Hey Mark! it's been a looonnnnnggg while since you were on here, i'm beginning to think you're not coming back here again :( :( I actually met you through here and.....you've gone off the site!

Not sure what else to say to you but will you be popping on here, like, occasionally when the computer's ok?? Oh well, it's up to you, but if you don't come on here, i'd like to thank you immensly for your kind words. Don't forget your friends are probably still here from time to time.

Speak to you soon, love and hugs

Sue x

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My daughters life support was shut off 4-24-07 and I didn't get to be there, her husband didn't want us there and I wished I could have been there for my baby. just lost her dad my ex he died in his sleep but he was in pain before that. All this has happened in two months I don't think I can handle anymore. My surviving daughter thinks I have a lot of support but all I have is this website.

When does the pain end? I was just starting to deal with my daughters death and then her dad and his funeral was the day before my birthday, and I don't know how my daughter is holding after her sister then her dad. This all a bad dream which I'm not waking up from.

I wish I could hold my daughter again just to tell her I love her but she is gone and is not coming back.

I feel like I shouldn't feel this way because I'm believer and I'm not suppose to be like this I was told to buck up I knew where she is. I miss her I guess that means I'm not a good christian according to my church.

I've rambled enough

Deb

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4everjoeysmom

I will miss my son Joey every day for the rest of my life here. THAT has nothing to do with church or my faith. It has EVERYTHING to do with being a mother left behind. Deb, I am so sorry for your loss. I pray that you can find healing in yoru relationship with your surviving daughter. Blessings and hugs, Claudia

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Dear Mum, this is a posting for you - Im so sorry that I agreed to turn off your life support that terrible day.  After months of grief I can only now bring myself to speaking about that situation.  The day of the accident that took Dad's life and ultimately yours, I was in total shock.  Two policeman at your door is not a good thing, especially when they have 'that look' on their face and ask are you the daughter of .....  I was just numb from that moment on - I was swept into dealing with who to ring etc. and trying desperately to find out what happend to you. Once the police told me that you were in a hospital, I felt you would be OK - I just simply didnt want to believe anything else.  When I drove to the second hospital to see you, we were told that you were serious and we should come asap. The trip took 3 hrs to get to you and it seemed liked forever.  Along the way I just didnt want to believe how bad you really were.  I was told that you were revived at the scene and taken to a hospital.  Later you were flown to another hospital to be placed on life support.  I was to later find out that you were only kept alive so I could say goodbye.  When we arrived at the hospital, we were immediately ushered into a 'quiet' room by the doctor and snr nurse of the intensive care unit.  I recall the young doctor going through a list of your injuries and saying that there was nothing they could do and would we agree to turn off the system.  My sister immediately said yes and I just nodded - But Im so sorry I didnt want to say that - I couldnt say that.  My sister wanted to donate organs - I didnt and was going to say something however the doctor said nothing could be saved.  That was a relief for me as I didnt want to make that decision also.  As  I left the room with the nurse to be taken to see you, I was so distraught, I had just lost Dad and now I was loosing you all in just a few hours.  When I entered the room, I looked at you, and just keep saying over and over, "Thats not my Mum" You were badly swollen and bruised from head to toe - You had a broken neck, multiple lacerations, multiple breaks and fractures and head injuries.  I was encouraged to sit beside you to hold your hand.  At that moment I realised that it was you.  I recognised your hands - it was the only part of you that I could see was you.  Your nails, your fingers and hand - it was you.  I held your hand and just cried and cried.  We had to wait for my husband and daughter to come - they were at the other hospital morgue identifying Dad.  Once they arrived the nurse started to turn off the equipment and make sure you had no pain.  At one stage I couldnt cope and had to be taken from the room by the nurses - How could I do this to you.  I wanted so badly for them to fix you - but I guess now that you wanted so badly to be with Dad and the decision was the right one.  Neither of you would have been in pain, I know this as by chance I recently met the ambulance officer who attended you and Dad at the accident scene.  We spoke about the accident and how you were so badly injured.  He assured me that you would not have felt any pain and that it was the kindest thing to do.  Lots of people tell me that you couldnt have lived without Dad and wasnt it good that you both went together.  I just smile as I can only think that its not good that you have both gone.  By law the autopsy report was done and your injuries were massive.  A strange item appeared and my guess is that you didnt know that you may have been on borrowed time.  This secret will stay with me and I draw some comfort that you didnt have to go through dealing with that problem.  As you know I have been unconscious myself and know that you can hear people talk.  I hope in all my heart that you heard me.   I am hoping that one day you can contact me somehow to let me know that you and Dad are both OK and that you didnt want this to happen.  My dearest Mother I love you both very much and miss you and Dad every day.  You both live in me and will be remembered forever - your darling daughter  Gayle  PS sorry if I rambled on a little ...

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Solemate, 

Your post was beautiful and heart felt.  Thank your for sharing your thoughts and feelings.  What a hard decision you had to make and when you are in shock you can't even think straight.  May you have peace with your decision and may you dear Mother be able to give you the signs and assurances you need to know she is happy and ok.

Hugs,

Sal

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Guess who is traveling the farthest to our reunion?

It's Trudi.

Trudi is traveling all the way from Australia to Minneapolis, MN for our Beyond Indigo reunion in August!

If Trudi can make it, so can you! 

Come check our reunion page: http://www.beyondindigo.com/reunion/

Hope to see you there!

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Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields

- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.

- Facebook and Twitter Integration

- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"

- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.

- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board

- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it.

- Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible.

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other.

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family

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