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I lost my dad in May and then my mom passed away in October


Misstacal

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Hi, I am new and have been just going through the motions of life for the last few months! My dad passed away in May after being in the hospital for over a year. He was pretty sick and it was expected but nonetheless sad. I did not have a close relationship with my father but my youngest son did. It was very difficult for me to lose him but even harder for me to see my son's grief! Then in October I lost my mom and this completely broke my heart, she was not just my mom but my best friend! My heart aches for her and I cry daily! I try to keep my grief to myself because it make my kids uncomfortable to see me cry but so many things remind me of her and so many times I have wanted to call her and tell her something or I want to hear one of her jokes! I am so sad all of the time and I don't know how to not be sad! I guess what I want to know is will I ever not be sad again? Will I always feel like my heart has been ripped out? Will I ever stop crying? Thank you for reading!

M

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Hi Misstacal,

 

Something like losing your mother leaves a void that will never be filled again. Think of it as a bullet wound. The bullet enters your body, does a great deal of damage and never exits. There is scar tissue around it, that develops in time. This helps ease the pain to the point of which it only hurts when you make certain moves, every now and then.

 

The pain will lose intensity as time goes by. There will be setbacks around holidays and life milestones, times in which you wish you could just pick up the phone and call her...but overall you will be able to cope with it - the more time goes by, the better your ability to cope.

 

Have faith in yourself and in your mind's ability to overcome great sadness. We are stronger than we think we are. Just give it time, be patient, and surround yourself by warm, caring and understanding people.

 

Best wishes,

A.

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WhereIsMyHome

Hi, I am new and have been just going through the motions of life for the last few months! My dad passed away in May after being in the hospital for over a year. He was pretty sick and it was expected but nonetheless sad. I did not have a close relationship with my father but my youngest son did. It was very difficult for me to lose him but even harder for me to see my son's grief! Then in October I lost my mom and this completely broke my heart, she was not just my mom but my best friend! My heart aches for her and I cry daily! I try to keep my grief to myself because it make my kids uncomfortable to see me cry but so many things remind me of her and so many times I have wanted to call her and tell her something or I want to hear one of her jokes! I am so sad all of the time and I don't know how to not be sad! I guess what I want to know is will I ever not be sad again? Will I always feel like my heart has been ripped out? Will I ever stop crying? Thank you for reading!

M

Hi Misstacal.  I'm sorry for what you are going through.  It is excrutiatingly painful.  I'm also new here.  My dad died this November (2014), within the first 10 minutes of a surgery, and mom died 2 days later of a broken heart - her heart stopped.  I don't know what to say except that I cry all the time and that the crying is a necessary thing.  I cry in the car, at home, in the bathroom at work, and sometimes when I least expect it, I cry, and I cannot stop it.  I think it's part of the grief process.  Losing a parent or both parents, is like losing one's footing, part of one's body, one's base, and it feels as if one cannot ever go "home" again.  I no longer feel grounded.  It will take me a long time to get used to not having my mom and dad to call (I dial their number).  It feels terribly lonely.  It feels like the worst of isolations.  Those are all normal feelings.  I'm going to say to you what everyone says:  It takes time.  Not that that helps.  I just want my parents back right now, but instead I'm left with the crying.  I hope you have moments when you are able to feel better.  Blessings to you.    

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Guest Kirbibizzle

I want to welcome all of you and let you know that you will always have a home here. I know it might not seem like much, but I can assure you that being here and reading through everyone's stories will help you to start to heal. You may never fully recover from this pain that you have right now, but it is definitely a good start by being here. 

 

I am so sorry to hear about your parents. My dad is gone, but I still have my mother and I am afraid she may not have much time left herself. She has numerous health problems and she's basically the only person left in the world. If I lost her too, I don't know how I'd ever go on. You are so much stronger than you feel for making it through all of this, even though you may just be barely getting by.

 

Crying is good, I know first hand from experience. You can't just keep it all in, this pain has to go somewhere and holding it back will not do anyone any good.

 

Walking through this life now without my dad makes me feel so wrong. Everything about my life now feels different, it doesn't even feel like I am the same person I used to be. I used to feel joy, now I feel nothing but heartache. I wish this pain would stop because my dad would hate to see me feeling this way. I want to remain strong in his honor, but it's much easier said than done.

 

I know you can never get your parents back, and I wish so badly things like this never had to happen, but unfortunately it does. It happens to so many people every day. I just never really figured one of those people could ever be me. And yet here I am. It's happened to all of us and it's changed us forever.

 

Time heals all wounds, but it never completely masks them. It's been almost 2 weeks for me, and yet it still feels like yesterday. I wish I knew the answer to when we won't be sad anymore, but there's no definite answer.

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