I lost both of my parents within six months

[Stacie_V1989]

Hi, I'm new to this site and just talking about my situation in general to other people who have lost someone.

In 2010 my mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer..they took a mass out and started chemo..but the cancer spread into her liver and lungs. When it first happened..I just always thought she was going to get better..She was always so strong and happy..even with going through everything.She went into the hospital for the last time Mid Jan 2011..they wanted to start more chemo..but her blood platelets were to low,she had three blood transfusions.At this point I was kind of in denial about it all.It didn't hit me until they told us my mom only had about three days to live...during this time we flew my mom's sister up from alabama..had all of our family at the hospital seeing her..and not once did she ever say she was going to pass.She knew it..but she was the strongest ever..she never mentioned it..she was always so happy and strong about it..we never talked about it.The way before she died she was knitting..we had to put her on hospice..The night before she died my dad,sister and I told her it was okay..and that we would all be okay..my mom passed away the next morning while we were on the way to see her. 11|04|57-|02|05|11 she was only 53 years old.

During the time after my mother passed was so hard..I was 21 years old..living with my dad and uncle..taking care of my father..who worked everyday..and wasn't used to taking care of himself..he had asthma,copd and diabetes. I tried my hardest to take care of him..make sure he had his meds,laundry..my uncle cooked..just everything..in these months before he died we had some arguments..he always talked about dating already..but I think he just missed my mom..they were together over 30 years.

I went to NY the end of july to move my boyfriends brother to school.I came home Aug 2nd..and my dad wasn't feeling good..but it was normal for him..he would always go to the hospital and then come home and rest for a couple days. I asked him if he wanted to go to the hospital..and he was stubborn and said no.I got up Aug 3rd to drive my boyfriend to work..and my dad was home..I went in his room ( which we set up for my mom to come home and have hospice but she got to sick) asked him why he was home and he said he didn't feel good and was going to the doctors. He then got up to go to the bathroom..but wouldn't walk that far..asked me to call 911..I did and put him on his asthma machine..while I was outside waiting for the ambulance it got worse..the last thing he said to me was.."I'm not going to make it:..I found him dead on his bed..my uncle tried CPR but it didn't work. The emts couldn't save him either.

I still can't believe it;s happened sometimes..its coming up on their 3 years soon. In the past couple years ..we sold my childhood house..I've gotten my own apartment and a full time job. I grew up a lot in that time. I guess I feel numb about it sometimes still..I just wanted to tell my story and hear other peoples..see how they deal with it.

If anyone read this..thank you <3
 

[Sehausle]

Your story was so touching. I am 27, so I understand what it's like to lose a parent at such a young age- it really is so hard and you feel so cheated. My mom was very dependent on my dad (who passed this October). She has battled depression and I believe (undiagnosed) bi-polar. My biggest fear is that this loss of my dad would break my mom. I have asked her to promise me that she would never do anything to jepordize her own life. You hear stories where couples who have been married several years (my parents were together 32 years) are more likely to die close together. The thought truly is unbearable. It sounds like you do have some support in your life (with your uncle), but as you mentioned you've had to grow up quite a bit - literally overnight. While you have had some years in between your loss I can't imagine that kind of grief is ever truly gone. It really makes you appreciate the loved ones we have though doesn't it?

 

I hope you find some peace and know that you are in my thoughts & prayers.

[Trish91]

Dear Stacie,

 

I´m really sorry you lost both your parents in a matter of months, and that their anniversaries are still really tough for you. They are tough for everybody. My mom passed away four weeks ago from lung cancer, and my pain is very raw right now, and I am sure will never completely disappear, I will only learn to live with it. I miss her every single second of every single day, and I am so overwhelmed by that and also by all the things that I need to do concerning her estate, particularly, as I live overseas, that I don´t know how I manage to get past each day.

 

2013 was the toughest year ever, and in particular the past six months. I never thought I´d lose my mom at the end of an already pretty bad year.

 

I think you are amazing for being able to cope with two very significant loses at such a young age! Your mom and dad are surely very proud of you and looking over you from the better place where they are right now.

 

Losing a loved one is the most difficult thing that anybody has to deal with in their lives, and there are lots of tough things in life, but nothing like witnessing the death of people as important as our parents. Regardless of our age, we are never prepared to lose them, but they live on in our hearts and minds, and in spirit, they are still present in our lives.

 

My mom was 67, so much younger than a lot of others than die way past the 80 year mark, and always so increbly healthy and strong that I cannot believe that she is not around anymore, and that she was consumed by cancer in a matter of weeks. However, my only comfort is the fact that she is no longer suffering, that she´s free from all pain and suffering.

 

Of course, I am still here and having to face this harsh reality every single day, but it´s the least that I can do after her bravery and example. I have to honour her memory until my time comes.

 

Look after yourself, speak up when you need to, cry when you need to and come to this forum whenever you need to. Continue to thrive and remember that it is completely normal for grief to persist and arise unexpectedly when one has lost people who we deeply loved, who we still love and will always love, until such time when we can be reunited.

 

Warm regards,

 

Trish