Members Dosh Garnett Posted January 11, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2014 Hi, I originally posted a (very) long post in Coping with Terminal Illness however since that post, my mom passed away on December 14, 2013. 28 days agao. Not entirely unexpected as her doctor had told me that she would likely go before Christmas but when it actually happened, I was in complete disbelief. She lived in another town and I had just been to visit her two weeks previous. I think that she knew that she was going, she was scared to die and miss events in mine and my brother's life, she was only 68. We had a complicated relationship but the bottom line is that she loved both my brother and I with all her heart and wanted to do the best that she could. I was adopted at birth but I never felt that she loved me less. I am also the executor for her will and although she doesn't have much to divide, I still find that dealing with these details right now is very difficult. I have these moments where I just miss her but I know that I will be able to carry on and then other moment when I miss her so much and constantly wish for more that I literally feel as if I am going to explode with rage and despair. My partner has been good to me but he's feeling the strain and I know he's frustrated that he can't make it better or that one good cry won't make me better. My friends are trying to help but I know that they feel inadequate and I admit that I am still isolating myself somewhat from people. I keep up with my massage therapy, I am starting my counselling sessions again, working part time hours right now and generally taking as good care of myself as I'm able. But I still feel this feeling of "I want my mom" and I'm 41 years old. Today is not such a good day in some ways, I am releasing a lot, spending a lot of time on the internet looking up ways to cope with grief and listening over and over to a voicemail that my mom left me in the summer. Hearing her voice helps in some ways but it doesn't in others. Anyhow, I just wanted to vent a little and connect with others who might understand where I'm at. Today, I feel lost. Hopefully tomorrow is brighter. Dawn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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