Members Alone Posted January 11, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2014 There are so many posts and chats on guilt. I too have many moments when I feel guilty about something regarding my Tom, but each time the guilt hits I try to remember something good. I'll share one something good right now. I hope that the people who read this message will also post something good they remember so we can spark some additional good memories for all of us. Here's my "something good"..... During my Tom's last 6 weeks of life, I took him to the local Dairy Queen every afternoon for a medium twist cone (chocolate and vanilla). No matter how busy the day was or how tired I was, we made this trip. After getting the cone I would drive my Tom to Lambeau Field (home of the Packers) we would park and he would eat the cone in the car while we recounted all the many games we had attended at that legendary stadium. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Seeking something Posted January 11, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2014 That is a beautiful memory. Thank you for sharing that. You will always have that to hold in your heart. I can only imagine how much that meant to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Alone Posted January 11, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2014 Thank you SS - that memory gets me through a lot of days. AND we each have those kinds of memories. Sometimes it's just too hard to let the good memories surface through the grief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members llovern Posted January 11, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2014 That is a very good suggestion, Alone. And a wonderful memory that you shared. The memory I want to share is how David would say to me every day "Good Morning, you beautiful doll!". There are many other good memories, but I tend to allow them to be crowded out sometimes. Thanks for your suggestion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Alone Posted January 12, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted January 12, 2014 Lovern - I love that! I have a white board with what i call "Tom isms". Each night I write a favorite phrase on that white board so that it is the first thing I see the next morning when I go to make my coffee. The message tonight, for tomorrow morning is.... "Ah, that's nice...." That's what my Tom would say in the morning when we would snuggle close. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members backyarder1 Posted January 12, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 12, 2014 I love that, Alone! What a great idea! I think I have a big whiteboard around here that I could write Tom-isms on. It's the silliest things that just echo through my head. Like Tom saying "where are my shoes. I can't find my shoes." It was more of just a joke between us then him REALLY not being able to find his shoes. Just the silly little things that you say to each other every day. What nickname did your Tom call you? My Tom had a few for me. My real name is Elizabeth but everyone else in the world calls me Betsy. Everyone except my Tom. He would call me Elizabeth and kind of stretch it out "E-LIZ-O-Beth". Almost musically. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Alone Posted January 12, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted January 12, 2014 If I was agitated, my Tom would call me Irish. He'd give me his wry smile and say "settle down Irish". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HeyJude Posted January 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 14, 2014 My Jerry used to call me every day and when I'd answer the phone he would say "Hello Sweet Cheeks". I always smiled. He always knew how to make me smile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Alone Posted January 14, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted January 14, 2014 HeyJude - that's a wonderful memory! Thank you for sharing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members terri251 Posted January 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 14, 2014 Danny called me nerdy girl, mainly because I insisted on calling him my geekybear. lol He insisted he was not a geek, I would always tell him he was wrong. He loved Star Trek (well we both do), so he would watch episodes on Netflix all the time and talk to me about episodes. This year for our Christmas present I purchased the entire Star Trek Next Generation seasons. I haven't made myself open it yet, but it is there waiting for me. I think one of my favorite memories with him is us going to the LA Fair over the summer because they had a Star Trek exhibit. We took a picture together with our daughter in front of the starship enterprise, our daughter is waving but it looks like she is holding her hands out like how Spok does it. I am going to have that picture framed and hang it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Alone Posted January 14, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted January 14, 2014 Thank You for sharing Terri251 - it's good to remember these things! I purchased a new purse today and heard my Tom's voice in my head saying "that's not big enough... my wallet, glasses, gloves, etc. won't fit". I smiled and bought the smaller purse anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Austykatie Posted January 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 15, 2014 It's nice to read all of these positive things! Since Jim was not my kid's father- they would call him JimBob Duggar.. (like the show 19 kids and counting, because having no kids and then inheriting 3 was like having 19 LOL) Jim would always call me "Babe", I am not sure I ever heard him call me by my name! One thing the kids and I always remember is him saying "Reealllllly.... or Nice Nice/Love it Love it". Just 3 weeks before Jim's accident we were in Aruba, I can close my eyes and put us both back sitting on the beach right in the front row listening to the waves and soaking up the sun. I remember thinking "Ok Jody remember this moment because going to Aruba is once in a lifetime", boy was I right! I just told my son last night how can Jim go Jet Sking in the ocean in Aruba for over an hour and be fine yet he goes snowmobiling on the stupid river back home 3 weeks later and drowns in 3 feet of ice cold water... ughhhhhh...I wish I wasn't struggling so much right now! My heart is so sad it hurts! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Alone Posted January 15, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted January 15, 2014 AustyKatie - Thank you for sharing. Our journeys are so difficult but remembering the "good stuff" helps. My Tom called me babe, but infrequently. When he did call me that it was usually "hey babe". Thanks for giving me a memory and a smile tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MissingDaniel Posted January 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 15, 2014 Daniel called me his "baboo." I can't remember why it started, but when he was being sweet, that's what he'd call me. One silly memory that I have is how when I first met him, he kept wanting to show me his biceps. At first I thought it was a little obnoxious, but after a while it became sort of an inside joke between us. He'd grin at me and flex his muscle, and we'd laugh. I always told him that Carly Simon song "You're so vain" could have been about him, because he never met a mirror he didn't like, but it was actually kind of endearing. He wanted to look his best, and it was actually one of the many things I loved about him. He took twice as long to get ready to go somewhere as I ever did. Like so many have said, I think I tend to not allow myself to think about things like this, because right now, good memories seem to make me sad instead of happy, but I do believe that will change eventually. I enjoyed reading everyone else's memories. It gave me a smile to start my day Thank you all for sharing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members terri251 Posted January 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 15, 2014 It is funny, I never really thought about it, but Danny rarely ever called me by my name. Usually it was babe, and if he used my name I knew he wanted to talk about something serious. lol Funny how some things just don't register until after someone is gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Alone Posted January 15, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted January 15, 2014 Like Backyarder1 - when my Tom did use my full name it was like he was singing it, not just saying .... I remember when he'd work in his office and I'd hear him singing my name over and over. I would go and stand in the doorway and not say anything. He'd be sitting there looking at something and singing my name over and over without looking up. He'd feel my presence, look up, give me a glowing smile and say "oh, there you are". Its funny that no matter how busy I was, or what I was doing, this routine never irritated me. It's one of the many things he did that made me love him more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Austykatie Posted January 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 16, 2014 Alone, Jim was a singer actually and a drummer! One of the greatest memories and things we miss the most about him! He used to be singing all the time, music was and still is our life! He was either air drumming to a song or practicing on his practice kit. He was always singing with my daughter! They knew every word to every song on the top 40. It still amazes me how its so quiet around this house sometimes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Alone Posted January 17, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 Austykatie - I'm sure I'm dating myself, but my Tom knew every word to every Lionel Ritchie song and would sing them over and over to me. My Tom competed in state madrigal competitions WAY BACK in high school and had a beautiful voice. His father sang in barber shop quartets ... like father like son. I hope you have recordings of your Jim's voice. That will be something wonderful for you and your daughter to share over the years. I don't have any recordings of my Tom singing but I was able to save all of the messages that he left me that were still on my phone. I can't listen to them now, but I know i will some day. Please take care, I wish the absolute best for you and your daughter! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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