Members miekevson Posted January 11, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2014 I'm not sure what to write initially. I've been trying to deal with the fact that my boyfriend died this past xmas. I've been on sites talking with people but you always get the same answers to just get over it. I know I have to get over it but I'm not sure how and they forget its only been 2.5 weeks.I don't really have the luxury to sit around but can't seem to get to work. I run my own business online which is a treasure right now cuz I can work whenever I want but I find myself just staring around. I had a plumbing problem just 2 days ago. We used to go out together and get it fixed. I went to the garage and before I got to the tool box I wasn't able to make out a screwdriver from a hammer, i teared up. I just can't rummage through his stuff.I've been writing on FB but although people are very nice, I know they are not looking to hear from me again and again... I'm 32 years old. He was 52 and my soulmate... we did EVERYTHING together for the past 9 years. And with everything, I mean everything. He couldn't work so, I worked at home, so basically we we're always together every single minute of the day. It's so empty and quiet. My sister lives with me but it's just not the same. I think I could have a house full of people now and still feel the loneliest ever. Here's what happened: ( I had written this last week but it's exactly as it went.) Saturday December 21, 2013 - 6PM Saskia had just made some chicken fingers and jalapeno poppers. I tried to give you something to eat but you weren't hungry. I wiped your face and gave you a towel underneath your head because you seemed a bit hot and sweaty... I went and got the fan, you always wanted the fan when you got hot, even though you didn't tell me you needed it this time I thought it may help... It seemed to help you be more comfortable.Earlier today I had asked you if you wanted to lay in our bed instead of that uncomfortable hospital bed. You nodded yes so I moved you over next to me.I was working on the computer right beside you in the bed. I had just finished my website enough to be able to go launch it. I wanted to show you but you were still sleeping. You seemed a bit drowsy but they had changed your medications so I didn't think anything of it. I told you I would tell hospice on Monday that the pills were making you TOO drowsy. You didn't respond.10PM - You started making some moaning sounds. I wasn't sure what was wrong. I struck your hair and told you it's okay. I gave you another regular pain pill. You were holding your head, I thought you had a headache, though you didn't say a thing, I knew your signs... You swallowed it with some peach juice...I told you it was almost Christmas, I had a special day planned for us. (thinking to myself, this could be our last Christmas together) Just go to sleep honey, you'll feel better in the morning.You moaned a few more times. I took your hand and told you to go back to sleep, that the pills would work shortly... I looked at you and you had a scared look in your eyes with some tears. I got worried. I noticed you started spitting up more which was kind of scary but I just had given you a sip to drink. You never did swallow it entirely so I took the sheet underneath you and pulled you on your side...It ran out and you seemed al-right until I seen your tongue. I knew something was terrible wrong. I told you to hold on tight, so I could go and call the hospice nurse on call. They told me the nurse on call would call me back soon. She did about 10 minutes later, I told her she best come over, things aren't right...In the mean time I had put your oxygen machine on you and had gotten a cold wet towel to put on your head. I told you it's okay, pleas hold on honey, the nurse is coming. I petted your leg and sat by you for a moment. I wiped your face a little more and tried to get a response out of you. I held your head, I moved your hands, I knew deep down that this was very wrong.I seen your belly move for just 3 or 4 more times and then... it just stopped. I listened to your heart, it was sounding as if you would hold a sea shell against your ear, rushing but no beating... I got scared, I kept calling your name, telling you to hold on, the nurse is coming, Honey. Please, wake up!!!You were gone before the nurse even stepped into her car. It all went so quickly. 10:30PM you took your last breath, exactly one week ago... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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