Could someone help me with this?

[branl]

my mum died in 2008, Before she died I was diagnosed with Depersonalization disorder.

After she died of cancer, I moved into the house she lived in.

Fast forward 6 years, And I still have most of her clothes, shoes basically everything has my mums name on it, ie furniture everything.

Now I mentioned I have a dissociated disorder, its very painful for me and very confusing looking at her stuff, and being in the same house she used to live, I would like to have a fresh start in life, but I am dont have much choice due to money and being out of work etc.

I want to get rid of her stuff, but I am in conflict, I feel like I want to, but at the same time, its hard for me to let go, it makes things harder with dissociated disorder I have.

Should I clear her stuff out and try a new start? I am no I am late, 6 years. But with dissociation my world is a dream state most of the time, so life seems very unreal, and the death of my mum seems like a dream, etc

I want a fresh start, should I get rid of her stuff?

[Trish91]

Hi Branl,

My mom died exactly three weeks ago, and I am staying at her place until I return to where I live, overseas, so I also have everything of hers, all her clothes, bags, shoes, pictures, her bed, linen, towels, everything, her jewelry, and it is really hard, as I am alone here. I have got family close by, but I am mostly on my own, which is really hard.

I will keep certain things of my dearly beloved mum, all the photos, many books, and some of her jewelry, bags and cloghing, but I will give away some things to my aunts, sell some things as I cannot take them with me and give away the rest to some foundation or charity organization.

Those things are just things. Yes, they belonged to my mom, but they are not her, she is no longer physically here, and neither is your mom, so do not feel guilty about helping others by donating material stuff that once belonged to her.

You should keep the most personal and meaningful stuff, any diaries and certainly photos and perhaps some of her jewels, her hair brush, her lipstick, for instance, but not everything, as those things are not your mum, they are just things.

Besides, as you said, you have held on to them for six years now, so it´s time to do something about them, for your own wellbeing and peace of mind.

I am sure your mom, like any mom, would have been happy and is happy for you to share her things with others that need them more because they are destitute.

I am really sorry to hear about the fact that you suffer from a mental disorder which prevents you from working and that after six years you are still living at your mom´s house. You are very strong to be able to put up with such stress and anguish on top of your illness, which I guess has some advantage as it doesn´t perhaps allow you to fully feel the impact of the loss? Sorry, I don´t mean to sound inconsiderate, it´s just that I am completely ignorant about such disorder.

Anyhow, although I feel my mom closer by being at her place, my idea is to sell it to be able to return to my life with my husband and to my job, and thus try to move on a little, as being here is overwhelmingly sad and hard.

I feel your pain though, take care, and please feel free to chat over here whenever you wish.

Take care too.

[Blackrock]

Sorry for your loss. Most of us on this website are grieving bc we also suffer lost of loved one. Getting rid of your mums stuff is not going to start anything new. You're in denial and trying avoid things that make u feel sad.

Be strong, get fresh air, get into healthy routines- eat well, exercise, get help, meet new people, etc. these are first step for a new beginning. As for ur mums belongings, u can sell some things that has less sentimental values and get some new things. For stuffs with personal values, try to pair it up with new things or dress it up, eg get a new cover for sofa, repaint the house. These are not expensive and add values to the house at the same time, you'll start to fall in love with the house again.

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