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kim1only

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hi everyone,

this is my first post. my hubby brad passed away this past june 8th, 2008. we were married 26 going on 27 yrs. he  was only 47. he didnt  believe in doctors and never went or seldom went and he suffered a heart attack one morning. i still cant believe it . i sort of feel like he comitted suicide by not going to a doctor. how could he profess he  loved me so much and not want to stay with me. now im just trying to find a dr who i dont know maybe can help me with all the crazy thoughts im having. sincerely. kimberly

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Hi Kimberly,

You've come to a good place. Some of those here are new to the grief bit, some of us have been at it awhile, but we all understand those crazy thoughts you're having and it's not unusual to be angry as well as sad. The first few months are horrible and it takes a long time for things to get better, but they do. At least it becomes possible to face daily life again although there will always be backslides. Stay with us!

Mary Jo

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I know it's hard to imagine ever being better. I would have said the same in July 2006. It will take time and patience and a lot of tears and bad days. That's why this is a good place.

MJ

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hi mj, :)

saturday im flying too rapid city, s.d. to visit a very good friend that i haven't seen in 27yrs. im so exciited i can hardly wait. shes also a grief counselor and minister so it seems so fitting if you   know what i mean. thanks for the encouragement .   kim

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Kim

I lost my husband in March of 2008.  The whole experience is unreal.    An old girlfriend that I hadn't seen in years came to spend a week with me in April. It all helps to get you through.  "Without friends, no one would choose to live", by Aristotle.  How true this has played out.  Friends tell you that you are worth the effort, not for your husband, but for you.  They choose to make sure that you go on - that you are important.  Get excited - it is an emotion that is positive.  Good luck, Lori

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Hi,

Its been 14 months since I lost my husband. It feels the same as it did the day he died. Friends do help alot. However when your alone, thats the hardest. I still wake up ever morning hating to face the day without him. Life without him in it sucks. Bottom line. Even though it sucks the sun still comes up, things have to be done, bills paid people to deal with. Life seems to move on, just empty, not full like before he died. So much time has passed but I still feel like the walking dead every day. Things I enjoyed before I no longer get any kind of happiness from it. I keep trying but it never changes.

I know I am not the voice of positive thinking but people say time heals. I'm not finding that in my case.

Cindy

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Some days I feel like that too.  Especially the nights (they are hard).  Last night I actually screamed at the top of my lungs.  All I'm saying is that we are left behind and any planned or unplanned visits from friends and family are a nice interruption from those dead feelings. I do know that none of my friends have gone through this, so I do feel alone in that respect.  I really do think that there should be more groups or forums for getting those awful feelings out in the open and with other people who have been there.

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Nice to hear someone feels the same. Thats exactly what  those visits are an interruption, a slight distraction. I wish I could scream but I feel to weak for that . None of my friends have been thru this either. Usually this doesn't happen to women my age. So there is no one to relate to except my father which lost 2 wives.

Yes there should be more groups, and the hosptals should give you  that information. No one told me anything gave me info nothing. No one even asked how I was doing if I needed any help nothing.  There is no help out there for us, and we need to express these horrible feelings we live  with every day.  I'm really glad I found this site .

Cindy

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LOL sounds good. I like to go as fast as I can in the car. I got up to 130 the other day. Only thing that makes me feel alive, its also flirting with death...but I feel a bit of relief when I go fast.

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I found that roller coaster rides help too.  They go fast in a safe environment and you can scream your head off and nobody will think anything of it.

I lost my husband 10 months ago today, unexpectedly in a car accident.  I am going to 2 different grief support groups they do help, but my situation is a little different these groups are through hospice.  My husband wasn't a cancer patient so it is hard for me to join in those talks.  I don't have anything to share on that level, but I still feel their pain it is awful to lose a loved regardless of how it happened.  I usually am the youngest one in the group too.  I wish that I could fine something for younger widows and sudden death with the sudden death I still struggle with the things that I wish I had said or could have done differently, no time to say good bye.  I am constantly searching.  I do like this site though it gives me strength and encouragement.

 

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I've always loved rollercoasters. It did help remind me I was alive. My husband didn't die in an accident but to me it was sudden. Found out he had liver cancer and one month later he was gone. So it was sudden but not like an accident. I still wrestle with things not said or should have been done different. I never thought he would die. I kept a positive put look and never even approached the subject with him and I think he was avoiding it becuase he didn't want to hurt me. It would have been a highly emotional talk I don't think either of us had the strength for. I did whisper what I wanted in his ear as he was in a coma dying. I think he heard what I said. I went to a phycic and she did assure me he did. but you  still have that small feeling inside that if his eyes were open and he was cognisant you  would know he heard. I struggle with being so young a widow. People are constantly shocked, and there is no support or help out there. It different I think being young and not having much time together versus older woman and many years together. Just the fact of being young you  face a whole set of different obstacles. My husband died 15 months ago and still feels the same as it did the day his heart stopped. This site is a great sounding board and a whole lot of understanding and caring hearts out there willing to listen .

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I am sorry for your loss, I'm sure that it must have been hard to not be able to talk about it.  My husband probably would have handled things the same way.  I think the one thing that has kept me going is my daughter and son need me.  Somedays it is so hard to get the energy to help all of us when I can't even help myself.  My heart goes out to you.

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Thank you. Its good you  have children to keep you  going. We didn't have any. I can understand how hard it is to keep going for them. Many days I think how I have no reason to get up in the morning. You  have a reason, and the children to share memories of Daddy.  I'm sorry for you  and your childrens loss. Bottom line is whether its sudden or semi sudden or even fortold, death hurts all us who were on the front lines the most. Our hurt is unique and common. I wish you  and your family the best there is for you. I can't say in time it will be better because so far that hasn't happened for me yet. I wish I could confirm that for you.

Take care

Cindy

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Thank you Cindy.  I am starting to see that with the more people that I meet in our situation.  My husbands boss told me he lost his first wife 40  years ago in a car accident too.  He has since remarried and loves his current wife dearly but he said he still thinks of his first wife.  He said it does get better but... you never forget.  Wow, Im not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

Take care Denise

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hi kimberly. Iknow how you feel i lost my husben June 27 2008. I still cry and i cant go to bed till about 1:00 or 2:00 aclockam. it is so heard. we were marred 20 years.i go to a greaf groop, ever 2 weeks it meets. it helps some. my son gos to he has no ben the same.my husben wa his step dad but thay were close. you see my son is medtelhandcaped.dona

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hello, I lost my husband Ben September 26,2008 from metastatic lung cancer...we were together 36 years and I find it difficult to realize he will never be here again...coming home to an empty house is the hardest part, especially at night...he traveled for business when we were married but I can't pretend he's just on a 'trip' ...he suffered so the last 3 months, was unable to eat and basically starved to death which makes me FURIOUS...they can fix erectile dysfunction but people starve from cancer....I am glad he's no longer suffering and wouldn't wish him back if it was the same as the last 2 weeks of his life and I don't feel guilty about that...I do feel guilty about the times I could have been nicer, kinder, more loving over the years, instead of treating him like I'd have him around forever...nothing will change that and it's the price I have pay...I miss him daily but some days, every now and then, I don't think of it all day long...I guess that's progress.

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Hi maggi40,  my deepest sympathy.  Losing your spouse is not something you think of.  It is only natural to just go through each day and a just get caught up in life, take it for granted that your spouse will be around for a very long time.  I learned the hard way my husband died in a car accident a year ago this past December right after work.  It is still so hard to comprehend that he is actually never coming home.  It was just 3 days before Christmas.  I was so busy at work and volunteering in the band program that our son is involved in that I spent very little time with my husband in the year 2007.  I spent the majority of this past year beating myself up for it, but I realized that I can't go back and fix it now.  I have to remember all of the very best of our years together and hold tight to them.  My heart goes out to you this is the hardest thing in life to go through.

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thank you...if there's one thing I've learned from this, it's to live every day as if it was the last...and let nothing go unsaid or unspoken...there are so many things I wish I'd said more often...I still tell him those things but he's not able to reply...

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I feel the same way now about living each day to its fullest and letting those still in your life know how much you appreciate them.  I talk to him too and tell him how much I love him and miss him and how sorry I am that I didn't show it more when he was here.  I hope he can hear me.  Take care.

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hi maggi40 i t is so hard to go on some days. but i know are husbens would want us to.Iknow mine would he would say go on with your life old lady.We would call each outher old lady and old man just for fun.That is what we need to do.Thay will allways be with us in are hearts.we will allways love them .Iknow it is so heard some days.I get to thinking and i wish i had gave him more hugs and kisses.But he went so sudden.But he new i loved him right till the end.what helps me is i go to the cemater ever few weeks jest to tell him i love him and i miss him.I put a flower on i t helps me.Dona

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Dona, you are absolutely right in my opinion...we do need to go on and I know Ben worried about 'leaving' me alone...I tried to tell him I'd be fine, eventually, but he still was concerned...I feel it's a gift to him (and myself) if I continue to improve and get involved with life.  It's easy to stay home and isolate myself but that's not my style and I've begun venturing out and committing to things...for 2 years my life was circumscribed and when he died, I didn't want to 'schedule' things...I gave myself until 1/1 and now have begun to get re-involved...not always easy but nothing ventured, nothing gained.

stay well

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