Back to work

[missbee]

Hi,

I'm going back to work tomorrow after a big loss, and I am starting to panic now about it.  I know there'll never be a good time to go back.  I know I will cry, I know I won't perform well like normal.  But if I put it off will I not just feel the same sense of nervousness and panic every time I try to go back?

Is it best to just go now and get through it, it may be for the best in the long run.  I am aware that I'm yet to really deal with everything, but I can't stay off forever.

What has everyone else done or felt about this?

Thanks.

xxx

[genevieve]

This might sound weird, but the only thing that keeps me going is work. When I came back from Nick's funeral, I went back to work a few days later (I had been out about 2 weeks). Part of it was financial, but part of it was to see if I could do it--my bosses were great--said I could take more time if I needed it--to wait and see. I was a mess and could barely get out of bed--I was so worried, but I couldn't stay home alone crying again.

As soon as I got into class, I just <clicked> off and went into 'teacher' mode, where I don't bring in outside stuff that's happening to me in the classroom. It was like a refuge from the outside world.I teach foreign students (high school age) in one dept and immigrant adults in the other, and their kindness and positive energy kept me going --once or twice I met a former student in the hall who asked why I had been absent, and I was almost in tears trying to tell them why, but most of the time in class I was ok--the students have acted with incredible empathy and tact, and I am so glad I came back. It has been a refuge for me.  After the first week, running the gauntlet of fellow teachers  expressing their sympathies and surviving, things got better outside the class at school-I could discuss work-related things. Many teachers have gone out for a coffee with me and let me know they were there to listen or help if I needed them; I had just moved there 8 months ago and hadn't realized what a supportive group I had lucked into.

So I guess what I'm saying is, try it--it may give you temporary refuge from the storm. I still cry every morning and every night and am sometimes lost in tears walking outside, on the bus, or in the stores, so grief still hits me, but not in class. I don't know if it's healthy to compartmentalize it, but I think it's the type of job where you shut off the bad stuff outside because you don't want it to affect the students when you come in. Maybe it's not healthy, but I think it's been the only thing keeping me sane--not thinking of it  for a few hours of the day and just getting immersed in a job I --and my fiance (he was also a teacher)--love. You probably have a different job, but I'm sure the focus on what you're doing and the routine will help you shut off for a while, whatever you do.

Don't worry, your boss and co-workers will not expect you to be absolutely perfect at work -I know I wasn't--and still am not sometimes--if I don't really focus, I get really scatterbrained these days, and made some mistakes and got frustrated, and it wasn't the end of the world. there's always the chance that I'll have a meltdown at work, and if I do, it still won't be the end of the world--people might not really understand what you're going through, but they will want to understand, and to help.

I hope this helps--let me know how it goes.

Genevieve

[genevieve]

I also had to run to the bathroom sometimes at school to cry or get myself together when I had to much time to think between classes, but people never said anything about my red nose and swollen eyes, and I would have been doing the same thing at home, so...

g

[missbee]

Thank you,

I ended up going back two weeks after that initial post, as it turns out the timing wasn't right for me before that so I am happy that I left it a bit longer. 

It is nice being back actually as I have plenty to keep me occupied there and lots of people to talk to.

I hope you are doing well with your job too.

xxx

 

[cameronsmom1]

Missbee, I hope work is going better for you and that it's getting easier. I don't really know your story but I understand how hard it is to deal with loss. My second son was stillborn april 5th and it was definitely hard for me to go back to work. I was a massage therapist and I knew that my clients would all be asking about the baby because I wasn't pregnant anymore. I didn't know if I could handle all the questions. So I waited until I was able to talk about him and not cry so much. I never went into detail because I knew I would cry but just said what I could. Now I have an office job which makes it a little easier because no one knew I was pregnant and wouldn't be asking questions. Now work is where I actually get away from all my thoughts. Its when I get home that is harder for me. Hope all is well. Sorry to hear of your loss.

Amanda

[Kelly]

Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields

- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.

- Facebook and Twitter Integration

- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"

- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.

- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board

- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it.

- Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible.

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other.

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family