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First anniversary of my Dad's passing.


k9iamnot

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Your friend seems to love you very much. She is only trying to bring on a happy day for you to remember as well.

Bring your dads sprit with you and give her dad a hug.

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Hello missinmydad,

I'm sorry for the loss of your dad, but everyone dies one day.  It's just a matter of time.  I've lost my mother too so more or less I know how hellish the aftermath gets, 6 months have passed and time seemed to have come to a standstill for me, while I find others moving despite claiming "oh your mother was good friend, we miss her so".  I just couldn't understand how they manage to do it, asking me to move on as well.  But it's just never easy, when I lost her, I lost a part of me.  I'm still well and alive, living my life well (I hope) but inside is never the same again.  I've lost the drive and motivation I once had, I lost the inspiration to carry on.  Like a walking zombie, I'm just moving about aimlessly.  But slowly yet surely, I'm getting my feet back on the ground.  These days, I topple and crumble, but I make sure I get up from this rumble and grow stronger each day.

My friends were expectionally nice during the first few weeks after her death, trying to cheer me up and so on, but slowly they began busy-ing with their college life and seems to have forgotton the fact that I've lost a mother.  Self-centered is the world, well we come to this world alone and we'll leave this world alone either way.  I suppose you can't really blame your friend because she wouldn't and will never understand the pain and grief you have to go through unless experienced.  But I'm pretty positive her intentions were good, she probably showed it in the wrong way though.  Because that's not the right way to show concern for you, triggering that soft spot in your heart.  Just try to be more understand and forgiving, in times to come they'll understand when they experience the death of someone dear.

Cheers. :)

 

 

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missinmydad

Thank you for your response and for sharing your story with me. I am sorry about your mother, it sounds like she did a great job raising you. You have such a positive attitude about life even with your loss. You give me hope that one day I will be able to look at a picture of my Dad and smile instead of crying my eyes out.

You are so right about the world, it's very sad though. I have always tried to put myself in others situations and imagine how I would feel in order to be a good friend to them. It would be different if she had come to me and told me that she accidently booked her wedding on the same day and time but she didn't. She decided to keep it from me in hopes of distracting me with her wedding plans. That is just crazy to me and such selfish behavior. We are not children here,we are both in our thirties and raising teenagers for goodness sake. I guess I am really hurt and confused because I am very up front and honest about everything and I expect the same from others in my life.

I wish I could see the positive in this but I can't. I feel as though I am being forced to decide between honoring my Father or being there for a "friend". I don't know how to stand up next to someone who is that inconsiderate and wish her all the best when I feel so betrayed. She has made the past week of my life miserable, I am constantly crying about it and thinking of what I should do.

Again, thank you for your response, I feel so much better knowing that you understand and you feel what I am feeling. I have never felt so alone as I have for the past eleven months even though I am surrounded with a loving family, they just didn't understand how I was still so lost.

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missinmydad

Thanks! You seem like a great person to see my situation in such a positive way. If I do end up going to the wedding I will give her dad a big hug as he is a great person who I respect and care for dearly.

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Probably one of the hardest things for me to get used to is how unaffected those who werent directly affected by my dad's death were.  When his one year came, I was beside myself and most people, even those who stood by me during his funeral, forgot.  I had to realize it wasn't intentional, they had their lives to lead and it just so happened that I was coming into a very emotional part of mine. 

I am now pregnant, due 2 days before my dad's birthday.  I had trouble with that at first, but now want to believe that it's my calling--my way of showing my little one the unconditional love my dad shared with me.  Think of you friend's wedding the same way--her sharing her unconditional bond with her husband, just as your dad did with you--but in a different way. A wedding is a wonderful way to celebrate love and life--your dad would want you still to do that.

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missinmydad

Hello 4froggies,

Thanks for taking the time to write a comment and for sharing some of your own personal experiences.

I am relieved that their are people who understand the intense pain behind a loss and have had some of the same thoughts and feelings I am having. Somehow when typing these keys and reading these messages it makes the daily process a bit easier to handle.

Having a child that close to your Dad's birthday is such a precious gift I think. Being a parent is just that, unconditional love.

I wish you all the best!

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You are welcome. The one part of my story I didn't mention was that my dad passed 3 weeks to the day before my wedding--so weddings for me since have been very difficult. I am trying very hard to come to terms with his death, it isn' t easy, I dont think it ever will be...

Feel free to msg me if you want....

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My dad's 1 year is coming up on Thursday and I've had a tough few weeks thinking about what I was doing last year.  Last 4th of July we didn't know it'd be the last.  Last Fathers Day the same thing.  And now 1 year later, time has flown and yes in 1 year I have healed a little bit.

Now I'm planning my wedding without my dad (it's in January).  My mom and I have had my make-up girl swear that her make-up is waterproof because we know there will be many tears.  A year ago I said I'd absolutely not do a mother/daughter dance if my dad isn't here to do the father/daughter dance.  Now 1 year later, I am doing a mother/daughter dance, I've warmed up to it.  Mom and I are going to dance to a song that meant a lot to my dad Through the Years by Willy Nelson.  He loved Willy Nelson, I'm sure there won't be a dry eye in the place but I think it's a nice way to honor him.  I'm trying best to plan a happy wedding day and not be so sad.  My fiance also lost his dad about 5 years ago so we want to remember them but we want our day to be happy too.

So 1 year later...I still think of him everyday and still miss him terribly.  But I am better than I was this time last year.  Time really does heal.

Wishing you all the best, I am not on much lately but this site was tremendous help a year ago.  4Froggies, it's good to "see" you again!!  Do you know if the baby is a boy or girl?  What a great celebration for you too :)

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