Members lost&alone Posted January 3, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 3, 2014 My husband of 30 years passed away on 12/30/13. He was only 53. He had been in the hospital for 8 weeks and I thought he was going to make it. He was supposed to be transfered to rehab on 12/26 but ended up with sepsis and back in ICU. Moved to a regular floor on 12/27 because he was stable. Ended up with something filling his lungs (possibly ARDS) and had to be intubated on 12/30. He died within 2 hours. I am so lost, I don't even know what I am supposed to do. I can't imagine how life will go on without him. I just want to stay in bed and not have to think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Alone Posted January 4, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 4, 2014 Dear lost&alone - I am so very sorry for your loss. Sepsis was the final attack on my husband's life so I have an understanding of what you've been through. I hope that you are not alone. if you are, try to find someone who can just be there with you. You will find that there are many supportive people on this site who will listen to the things you are comfortable sharing. This is so very new for you and I vividly remember those days. Please find some people to be with physically and be kind to yourself. I check this website often and am willing to listen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members backyarder1 Posted January 4, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 4, 2014 Dear Lost@Alone. My heart goes out to you for losing your husband. This website has been a Godsend to me but it is always sad to see new members join just because it means there is another broken heart out there in the world.If you haven't found any local grief support, I encourage you to do that first. Call some local hospices or hospitals and see if they know of any grief support groups or counselors. I think it is so important to have someone to talk to who understands.And keep in mind that all of us here, on this website, DO understand and will help you, even if it is just by allowing you a place to talk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HeyJude Posted January 4, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 4, 2014 Lost&alone - I'm very sorry for your loss. I lost my husband a year ago tonight. He was transferredTo rehab and died his second night there. We'd been together for 34 yrs, he was 57. I have never missed anyone as much as Miss my husband. It is a journey filled with ups and downs. This forum has been such a big help though. I wish you the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tnwulf0513 Posted January 4, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 4, 2014 I am so sorry for your loss. My wife passed from septic shock following a bout with pneumonia. She was only 56. This is a good site for support and suggestions. as the ladies suggested having someone nearby is a very good idea. We have all been where you are so please don't hesitate to ask for help if you need to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lost&alone Posted January 5, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted January 5, 2014 Thanks everyone. I am getting by an hour at a time. I find myself trying not to think of him, but then I feel that is wrong. I had a screaming fit last night, just yelling out about how I felt, it did help. My son and his girlfriend are here from out of state and are staying with me. My daughter and her husband live a mile away. I have great support from them. I have managed a few smiles and laughs. Eating is the hardest, everything tastes like cardboard. Terry's celebration of life is on Monday, I am scared because I don't know how I will make it through. I appreciate the kind words from everyone here, it is good to know that I am not alone and that others have made it through this terrible loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members traveler1959 Posted January 5, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 5, 2014 Lost and along--- Sorry about the lost of you husband, I lost my wife on 11-13-13, I have always been the kind of person that don't like to be in a crowd. During my wife funeral I had wanted to get up and run out of the church, if it wasn't for the fact that I was holding one of the funeral slips that had my wife's picture on it, that I kept looking at, I might have got up and left. Just seeing her there smiling calm me down to get me though it. Everyone has their own way of getting though stuff, I'm sure you will find a way to get though Terry's celebration of life... God bless you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members backyarder1 Posted January 5, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 5, 2014 Hi Lost. You pretty well summed it up when you said you are getting by an hour at a time. That is all you can really do at first. It definitely isn't one day at a time. It is one hour. And also try to remember that you can believe anything you want to believe so don't get caught up in the "whys" and "what ifs". All those will do is bring you more misery and pain. If you feel you need to not think about Terry right now, just to get through what you need to, then that isn't "wrong" for you. It's what you need to do. We all have to do what is right for us at every given moment to get through the first few weeks and months.I remember calling several friends to come be with me the day my husband died. Within a few hours, they were driving me crazy and I asked them all to leave. I HAD to just work through each hour and each moment and eventually each day. It has been a little more than two months since my husband passed away and I am finally getting to the place where I can go several days without crying. But I still think of him every single day and miss him terribly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Annie_ Posted January 5, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 5, 2014 I have managed a few smiles and laughs. Eating is the hardest, everything tastes like cardboard. Terry's celebration of life is on Monday, I am scared because I don't know how I will make it through.I am so sorry for your loss. You are not alone.I lost my husband on 12/14/13 and he was 60. The first week I barely slept and just like you everything I tried to eat tasted like cardboard. I found the only way I could eat was just a bite or two at a time. It also helped to go out with a friend or some family--being out of the house and not surrounded by everything that reminded me of my Jim helped distract me so I was able to eat a little better.For me, I was so obsessed with trying to get all the arrangements and details for Jim's celebration of life taken care of that once it was over and everyone left the grief hit me even worse than before. You may want to have a family member or close friend stay with you for at least the first few days after the celebration of life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members backyarder1 Posted January 5, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 5, 2014 I agree with Annie. The first few days AFTER the celebration of life were very difficult for me and that is the time when everyone else seems to leave. If you can make arrangements for some people to stay around with you during that period, I think it would help you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sedona Posted January 6, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 6, 2014 Dear lost&alone,I am so sorry for your loss.I also am a new member. My partner my soulmate passed away December 23 2013 also from septicemia post the h1n1 flu. He had gotten over the flu. He Was fine. Then his fever returned he was intubated for almost 3 days in ICU but did not survive. He Was 54 and in good health. I feel your pain your loss. It has been 2 weeks for me and i am as lost as I was on the day he passed. I think i am doing ok... only to completely break down. When I first lost him i begged to be taken instead. I would have done anything. I still feel that. This whole thing just make no sense. Yes food is like cardboard. It hurts to breathe. I don't even know if I should be writing this here. I don't want to take over your stream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members djjrjc Posted January 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 8, 2014 Hello all,I lost my husband one month ago. He was my soulmate and the best dad our four children could have ever had. He was also a brilliant innovator. He was on a business trip in Brazil when he was robbed at gunpoint. He was 46. I don't want to do this life without him, but know I have to be there for my children, who range in age from 8-12 years old. I do believe that love connects us forever and that we will most certainly be together again, but I have a long time to go here and sometimes cannot believe this has happened to our family. I don't have any words of wisdom so early in this journey, but want to send love to all of you who are experiencing the same desperation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lost&alone Posted January 8, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted January 8, 2014 dj, You summed up my feelings in 1sentence "I don't want to live this life without him" I feel the same way. This is not what I had planned. Sedona, don't worry about stealing my stream, if this were a contest I sure would not want to win.I still haven't grasped the concept that I will never see or talk to him again. I don't know how to do this alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lost&alone Posted January 11, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2014 My son left to go back to Oregon today, it was always hard to take him to the airport. Today it was so much worse because Terry was not there to hold me and "make it better." Now that the house is empty the grief is settling in. I am physically sick to my stomach and can't seem to think straight. I just want to climb in my bed and cry. I told my daughter & son in law that I think I need a few days to be alone. I have to try to get through this by myself. Monday I go back to work. I have not worked since the beginning of November because I took FMLA so that I could stay at the hospital with my husband. I was lucky to be able to spend the last 7 weeks of his life with him, I only left him for 4 nights during that time. I did not think I would have to leave the hospital without him. This hurts more than I could ever imagine. I can't believe I will ever be OK again. I got his death certificate and was upset by the time of death that is written on there. We stayed with him until the doctor told us he was gone. According to the death certificate his time of death was almost 30 minutes after we left him. It tears me up to think he may have died alone. I hope they got the time wrong, but I am not sure what to think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members miekevson Posted January 11, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2014 I'm not sure what to say. I'm going through the same thing. I lost my boyfriend after taking care of him for the past 5 years, going from bad to worse, to a little better to worse to well... Dec. 21, 2013. The day I will never forget. He died in my arms but I'm so worried I missed the signs that day... he was acting differently but they had upped his pain medications so I assumed it was those that made him more sleepy. He didn't seem to be in pain, he died very quietly but I keep thinking, what could I have missed. I was right there, he moaned a few times trying to get my attention like he did so many times before. I told him to go back to sleep. Hospice told me I couldn't have done it any differently and that he looked peaceful and it went good. I don't know, they can say all they want but I just don't know. I am so lonely. I have to get back to work. I've been trying, I work at home on the computer so every day is a new try for me but I just sit around and stare. I push myself but I can't get myself to concentrate. I try so hard... I have no idea what to do by myself. I don't know anybody in this country, but my sister. I've been watching the same show on TV over and over and over. I still have the Xmas lights wrapped around the bedroom just the way he wanted them. I lay in bed and just stare around until I get so tired I fall a sleep. Try to make sense of it all... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members miekevson Posted January 11, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2014 He was a diabetic, had CHF and kidney failure. He was ready to go home from the hospital when I got a call that he had a heart attack and was back on ICU. He did get out of that and seemed to perk up a bit, he was on dialysis for a few days which helped. He seemed to also have had a stroke and was paralyzed on the right side. He spend a few days in rehab but I took him home because it was so sad. they threw him in a chair in the morning and left him sit until evening. That wasn't rehad so I took him home. He spent time with me for 1/5 month. about. He even helped wrap the presents, (somewhat) as best as he could considering. That aweful day, he was just very sleepy, and he never made it through the night. Why? I knew he wasn't going to make it another year, but he was doing so much better. I figured.. I wasn't ready to say goodbye... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members miekevson Posted January 11, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2014 Just want to say. I feel with you. I know what you feel, just like many here. If you want to talk.... LMK... I'm going through it right now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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