Members seniorslave Posted January 3, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 3, 2014 we just went through our 2nd batch of Holidays since the death of our 19 year old son. It was worse that the first. Myself, husband son/daughter in law and grandchild (9months) have decided that we no longer want to do the family gatherings starting from Thanksgiving. We have the idea that we could not do gifts and take a trip every year. How do we handle this with our extended families without offending them. We tried having the gatherings at our house (disaster) we couldn't wait for it to be over and we tried having it at families house (disaster) wanted to leave as soon as we got there. It is hard to make others understand how we feel and wonder if anyone has any advice. Also we would like advice on where to go. We are in Colorado and want someplace warm near water and activities that we could return to each year. Thank you for your comments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members justinlsmom Posted January 3, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 3, 2014 We too have just made it through our second holiday season without our 19 yr old son. He passed away on August 4, 2012. The first year myself, my husband and our daughter got on a plane Christmas morning and flew to Ireland, we were travelling the whole day, so we didnt have to experience any "christmas". This year my daughter (17 yrs old) wanted to do "christmas" so we did for her as she deserved it, it was not what any of us thought it would be. I'm not sure what we expected but it was not the same as "before", I think we were all hoping it would be. Opening presents on Christmas morning, just the 3 of us, Justin was so missed, it just threw it back in our faces again. Going forward, we are thinking that we too will be going somewhere sunny over the holidays in the future. As for how to explain to extended family, what's there to explain?? You do what works for you and your's. Nobody is going through what you and your family are going through and if along the way somebodies feelings get hurt all you can do is say "sorry" I am doing this for my own sanity, I need this. You cannot make everybody happy all of the time and nor should you have to, life is far to hard now as it is, your only concern should be you and your spouse and your son and his family. And truly as I have discovered, those that really care about you and are invested in helping you heal, will be more then happy for you and will encourage you to do what feels right. I think you will findmost people will not be offended. Nobody can imagine what we go though every day, but everyone can imagine for a minute what it might be like and even that pain is about 10% of the pain we actually experience. Good luck in whatever decision you make, but please listen to your heart, you will know what is right, if it feels right, it is right. Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted January 3, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 3, 2014 We too have just made it through our second holiday season without our 19 yr old son. He passed away on August 4, 2012. The first year myself, my husband and our daughter got on a plane Christmas morning and flew to Ireland, we were travelling the whole day, so we didnt have to experience any "christmas". This year my daughter (17 yrs old) wanted to do "christmas" so we did for her as she deserved it, it was not what any of us thought it would be. I'm not sure what we expected but it was not the same as "before", I think we were all hoping it would be. Opening presents on Christmas morning, just the 3 of us, Justin was so missed, it just threw it back in our faces again. Going forward, we are thinking that we too will be going somewhere sunny over the holidays in the future. As for how to explain to extended family, what's there to explain?? You do what works for you and your's. Nobody is going through what you and your family are going through and if along the way somebodies feelings get hurt all you can do is say "sorry" I am doing this for my own sanity, I need this. You cannot make everybody happy all of the time and nor should you have to, life is far to hard now as it is, your only concern should be you and your spouse and your son and his family. And truly as I have discovered, those that really care about you and are invested in helping you heal, will be more then happy for you and will encourage you to do what feels right. I think you will findmost people will not be offended. Nobody can imagine what we go though every day, but everyone can imagine for a minute what it might be like and even that pain is about 10% of the pain we actually experience. Good luck in whatever decision you make, but please listen to your heart, you will know what is right, if it feels right, it is right. Take careHello, I replied to your post in Loss of an Adult child...just thought I would say I agree that no one can imagine this... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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