Missing my distant father

[bast2112]

I just had my first Christmas without a phone call from my dad. He passed in January of this year. He was 70 and had cancer, though that was not what killed him in the end, so it wasn't unexpected. He was a holiday dad. He and my mom split when I was 5, but were always on friendly terms. I saw him every Christmas, birthday, Valentines, Easter, mothers day, fathers day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and occasionally in between for a movie date as a child. He was there for the big stuff. Graduations, he walked me down the isle; I was more fortunate than a lot of my peers. As an adult I moved out of state, but he still called every holiday and sent a card and/or gift.

He wasn't a great father, but he was the best father he could be, and could always make me laugh. I miss him, and I've spent my whole life missing him. I've spent most of my life expecting him to die due to his unhealthy lifestyle of drinking, smoking, motorcycles, and diner food. But none of that prepared me for what his death would actually feel like. Add to that, he refused to write a will, making dealing with his estate a nightmare that I resent him for. It's been almost a year, and it's still so heart wrenching.

[ModKonnie]

Bast2112,

I am very sorry about the loss of your father. No matter what, it is always tough to deal with the loss of a parent, even when you almost expect it. One thing that may help you is to write him a letter and tell him everything you've always wanted to say. Tell him how you are feeling. I know that sounds odd, but it works.

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie