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10 Years of Pain


mranderson

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10 Years ago on the 14th of June my mother lost her battle with Lung Cancer.  After she died I fell into the hole of depression and despair. I had always had a problem with alcohol, but it got much worse after that horrible time.  It was only her and I.  On the 11th of June I had to give her pain medication every one or two hours.  I can still hear her moaning from the pain.  There was no one with us...Just me and her.  On the 12th I picked her up and put her in the for the "drive to die".  It was excrutiating I cried the entire way.  I dropped her at the Hospice and was never able to speak with her again.  This year is especially Sad because my wife and I separated and now she has cut off all communication.  I am living in Japan so I am completly helpless to see my 1 year old son.  His birthday was May 11th but wasn't able to see him.  My mother's birthday was May 30th.  Also My first wife stopped communicating with me and I realized that she is causing my 4 1/2 year old daughter to suffer from PAS Parental Alienation Syndrome and she too has cut off all communication.   I have been an emotional  wreck since the death of my mother, and to top it all off, I have come to the realization that I too was abused by her.  She ran away from my father and cut off all communication with him.  I have always had a hole in my soul because of it.  She isolated us from anything that resembled family and because of it, I am emotionally crippled.  Needless to say that this is a very hard time in my life.  If you have any positive words.  Please give them to me. 

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It sounds like you carry a lot with you--might I suggest that you seek counseling? The only reason I say this is I too carry baggage (as we all do in one form or another) and I started counseling after my dad died and it truly helped me learn to cope with things in a better way.

There are no words that I have to make this situation better for you, just know that there are people out there who are willing to listen and support you.

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Dear Anderson,

Do not get so depressed. Everything that happens, happens for good. This is my own story when I was 26 and my marriage with my fiancee was halted, I was in depression for almost 2 years. Another 6months and I would have died of depression. I was suffering from acute backpain. I didnt get good education as my dad couldnt afford that much money. All these had haunted me. But now, after 12years, my backpain which I suffered for 10yrs has gone without any treatment, I am in a good job, good position, but still I am not married nor do I have a fiancee coz I have accepted it that way and I think it is too late. Nothing to worry. We do not know what we are destined for. But as life unfolds, the picture gets clearer and clearer. Wait..your waiting will be rewarded.

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Thanks for your reply.  I have been doing much better since this post.  I live in Japan and have been going to a Buddhist Temple near my home.  I have been taking this time alone to do some introspection and give thanks for the positive points in my life.  Sometimes we hit some bad spots but life is in constant flux and nothing persists unless we resist.  If you are reading this I hope you have a day full of Emotional Sunshine! 

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Dear Anderson,

Nice to know that you are taking the positives from life. That keeps us motivating for the present and future. God will give you the strength to put sorrows behind to keep others smiling with your smile. That is the greatest achievement man can accomplish is to Smile and make others Smile. All the best for your bright future.

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