Christmas

[terri251]

I can not wait for this holiday season to be over. I am tired of people telling me I need to decorate and put up a Christmas tree. I am not in the mood for Christmas much like having decorations up in my home. I get it, you think it is important for my 19 month old to be able to celebrate Christmas at home. I think it is important for my daughter to have a mother who can survive the holiday. So just respect my decision not to put up a freaken tree. I am doing good to have bought Christmas presents, which I was not going to do originally. She will have toys to play with on Christmas day, trust me she won't remeber that this year there was no tree. Yes I know Danny wanted her to have a tree, but you know what he is not here, so he does not get to have what he want.

If he was with us we would have had a Christmas tree, lights wrapped gifts and a amazing Christmas. He would have put together her toys and watched as she unwrapped them and played. But none of that is going to happen, he is gone and not coming back. So just let me deal the best way I can and telling me what I need to do for my daughter. I am doing the best that I can right now, and if the only thing my daughter has to complain about when she is older, is that she did not have a Christmas tree this year than I can live with that.

Ok vent over. Just needed to get that out without hurting the people in my life.

[Kurtybearhugs]

Terri, Ya, that was quite the vent, but all good stuff, and just maybe it will give someone else the courage to stand up to the emotional vultures, and set some holiday (or other) boundries. I think you did well, standing your ground, and also in having the restraint to not rip the heads off of the trolls, and toss them in the river. Most of us have had to endure dumb-ass advice from dumb-ass people, who have all the emotional sensitivity of a badger with a toothache, and against what would seem to be simple common sense, they are allowed to continue to inhabit the planet in numbers large enough to ensure their evolutionary continuity.

My wife died in November, so the first Christmas I told everyone not to mention the word Christmas to me, and I needed to avoid all family gatherings for about a year. The first family birthday party I attended after my wife's death, I spent all day outside playing with their dog, and felt no need what-so-ever to apologize for it. Most people are morons, and the less we allow them to make us miserable, the better, and whatever we have to do to ensure that end is what we owe it to ourselves, to do. The only advice you need to put into practice, is "you go, girl!".......

You Did Good! Kurt

[terri251]

Thanks, I did stick to my decision and did not decorate for christmas. I was going to try and wrap gifts, but ended up only wrapping a couple. My daughter still had a great time, opening the boxes the gifts came in and playing with them. It actually turned out to be a good day.

I hope everyone else is doing well today.

[backyarder1]

Terri, I'm so glad you had a good day! I shed a few tears last night but for the most part, I just held onto happy memories and had Christmas with Tom in my heart.

[Kurtybearhugs]

Terri, "It actually turned out to be a pretty good day." I think is the way that you put it. That brings up a really good point about grief and holidays, or family gatherings. When I was in full yucky grief mode, my girl friend at the time, (a recent widow) had a whole four day weekend, planned with her family, most of whom I knew well, and I liked, for the most part, although large gatherings, at especially then, were not really something I enjoyed, but I was trying to be a good sport, as family was very important to her.

Some of the things she had planned for us I was dreading, and some others sounded like fun. The event that I was dreading the most, turned out to be the most fun I had had in years. Constant laughter for three hours. Two months of dreading this day turned out to be a complete waste of energy. During the next three days, everything that I was dreading, turned out great, and everything that I was looking forward to, turned to ****. So the moral of the story is, you just can't tell how it is going to go.

If you do decide to go somewhere like a family get together, take your own car, so you can leave when you want, but try not to worry..... 'cause you just can't tell how it's going to go until it happens. Good Luck!